Happy Mother's Day

as I spend a nice quiet weekend at my favorite Las Vegas Hotel, The Rio. The thought about spending three days alone and by myself is selfish but much needed in my family life of chaos and work. Three days without someone by my side to talk to or have lunch with or to lay out by the pool is selfish, but how many of us can say that or have that kind of time or would want to purposely venture on alone? Not many and yet many of us do. I am connected with my laptop and cell phone yet the urge and necessity for human contact is first and foremost. I regal in my solitude and still feel the pang of loneliness but the thought of my flying back home to unorganized chaos is overwhelming and I sit back in the comfort of my lounge chair in the warmth of the sun hearing sounds of the waterfalls and children playing in the background. My son's birthday is today as he turns 15 years old. A handsome young man, dark features, clean cut, tall, lanky and built, obvious from his workout with free weights. His voice deeper as he ages, is my heart and soul. I wonder about his future and hope that he has the strength to carry him though his life journey of human trial and tribulations. I hope that I am a good enough role model for him as his mother and sometimes father. As I drift off to sleep, I think good thoughts and try not to worry about the negatives in my life and focus more on the positive. I thank God that I am able to rise up from my bed in the morning, to open my eyes and take a deep breath and put my two feet on the floor to stand up and take the first steps in my day. I am very thankful for that.

Mortgage meltdown

I have been in talks on the phone with my mortgage lenders as my monthly payments have been overwhelming since I was on sick leave for four months and not able to keep up with my mortgage. Foreclosure looms in the distance and I have done everything possible to keep from losing my home. Downey has received my packet information for a loan modification but it will take four to six weeks to process. In the meantime, I am to call back every week to check on the status of the packet and where I am in the process. There is no foreclosure date, yet. I am hoping that they will modify my loan to where I can pay a respectable amount a month and not some outrageous sum for the next year or two. I have made up my mind to try to sell my home and just be a renter. I am totally satisfied with that. I have retained my realtor who sold my father's home in Pacifica and found this nice house in Daly City complete with an in-law apartment downstairs. My oldest daughter, Nani, who rents from me has not paid me any rent and I have told her that I cannot support a 24 year old! I suggested that she go and live with her boyfriend, Sergio, who she has recently gotten back together with and has been seeing. I did catch him on my front door stoop trying to leave an overnight bag that she had forgotten and confronted him about her staying with him. Like any man, he made up excuses that he lives on his own and likes living by himself since his mother moved back to Central America. But he calls my daughter when he wants to spend time with her to stay overnight at his place. Well you know what, Sergio? Take her, the hell, with you! Then I wouldn't have to see your free loading butt in my house! I did tell my daughter that when we sell this house, I will be moving into a 2 bedroom apartment for my son and I only. She's welcome to stay with us, but it will out in the front living room. It is very hard to live in California to afford a home or apartment here. Adult children moving back in with their parents. Children don't want to help their parents out with much especially if the adult children's money is going to important things like, partying with their friends. They eat your food, use your laundry detergent and have no decency to respect your home. It's the "GEN-M's" Generation moochers! I'm only speaking on behalf of my daughter. There may be more out there like her but then again, I know that there are alot of other self respecting young adults who do have their crap together and know what it takes to make it out in the world. Some just take a little longer.

Where have you been?

It has been some time since I have posted here. I have many half written and almost finished posts that I need to set up to send out but have not had a chance to do that. Work has been tremendously busy as well as my life. My taxes were sent out on the due date online only to be rejected by the IRS due to the father claiming my son on his taxes as a dependant and for what? The boy hardly sees that dead beat anyway. After re-submitting the paper and extra documentation by snail mail, I will again wait for their decision. Also, I am trying to work out a lower payment factor in my mortgage in the hopes of NOT being one of the millions of homeowners who are walking away from their properties and mailing in my keys or the so called "jingle mail" syndrome. Gas prices are high, food prices are even higher. My grocery bill has gone up by at least $50.00 more than usual and we've scaled back on our buying strategies and sticking on what we really need or are going to cook for the next few days. I'm stocking up on soups since that is relatively cheap but loaded with sodium and only for a raining day to fill in. I've been picking up lots of hours at work and padding my paycheck to counter the rising prices of our economy but it's a no win situation. Just try to stay afloat and surviving. My RA has been easy to work with as long as I am taking my medication. Granted, I missed my Humira by three days and I'm hoping that it won't be a big deal when I take my second dose this month, on-time! Lynn finally got her annuity rolled over into an IRA and is very estatic about that but in the same breath, she found out a very good friend and choir sister has passed away today and is feeling very sad about that. I'm hoping that my life will start to unwrinkle the numerous bumps in the road as I go along and trying hard not to think the worse.

Mental illness

is pervasive and crosses all facets of human life. The Harvard grad doctors make their diagnosis and hand down their unkind verdicts to overwhelmed and financially strapped family members as they listen to what the specialists say. How do I cope? How do I fulfill my obligation as a parent? The helpless feeling that I get when I can't do for my own child. I can only take a step back, observe and listen. I have noticed a significant improvement in my second daughter, Pua, during this year. She is much more coherent, clear and a very good conversationalist. I haven't observed any suicidal tendencies and haven't noticed any more cuts on her arms. We are very close to where she would tell me if she has cut or injured herself. Her outlook on life isn't as bleak as it was two years ago where her mind was in a very dark place. A place I wasn't sure if she could get out from or recognize. With a very good mental health system at the Crestwood facility in Sacramento, they gave her the time she needed to grow into a young woman who today, is much more sure of herself. I am very proud of how far she has come. There were days during her teen years where I wasn't sure if she would make it to her 18th or 21st birthdays. I always had it in the back of my mind that a phone call from the facility or police station would be like a soldier in the military and the chaplain would drive up and knock on your door to give you the news about your child's demise. I would dread that day and to be honest, I don't want to think about it but it is always there in my mind. Pua, has grown into a beautiful young woman who has a lot on her mind. If I could get her to write her own blog, she would have so much to say as a young woman dealing with schizophrenia and depression. She has written very graphic letters depicting her life on the edge, the voices that she constantly hears, the cursing and anger in her words spewing venom on what is going on in her mind. The constant pulling and wires firing in her brain, the sometimes empty look in her eyes of one without a soul. The terror of leaving her at home with family members who did not want to be alone with her for their fear of her and what she could be capable of. I'm talking about my brother who is 5'11" 285 lbs and scared of his neice who is all of 5'6" 145lbs! For the most part of my visits, she is always supervised and I never leave her alone anymore with family members. Our visiting time is always together, shopping, restaurants and overnight visits. The only time she is out of my sight is when she smokes or goes to the restroom. She is not a flight risk and I trust her time out of the facility is doing her good. She is looking forward to getting her own apartment again, this time being a little older and more confident of living on her own. My daughter is a survivor and I love her.

I can’t you idiot! I’m not an able bodied person!!!”

As quoted by Sasha from "living with RA". I totally know that she means by that statement. People in general, we like to believe, are good citizens in human society. Working at the airport, I know all too well about the living and able bodied people versus the disabled and families travelling with very young children. Impatience does not belong in the flying world of hurried travellers and trying to be the 1st one on board so that you can get your carry on luggage in the overhead bins. We neglect to see this and in our own selfish virtue, we become concerned about number one, ourselves. Travelling in 1st class, they are in their own world. Once they are on that red or blue carpet, who they leave behind in the boarding area is of no concern to them. Usually the next section to board is the frequent flyer's some of whom it can take up to 10 minutes to board alone. Some of them will be agitated since they did not buy or get upgraded to 1st class. Others will be completely beside themselves if families with children or the disabled are boarded before them sometimes causing a scene with their unkind comments or dagger throwing glares. "How dare they be boarded before me!" To these people, I think, 9/11 did not happen, the War in Iraq is a joke, Hitler loved African Americans, everyone is alive and well after the Katrina Hurricane and our economy is doing excellent. I know that these are not true at all. But it is easy to forget, put away and go on in the minds of most Americans. If we keep remembering these things, we might be a little more kinder and not harsh with a driving edge. We might learn to find our purpose and live together just a little longer on this place we call Earth.

Finality

of it all. I am here in Las Vegas having attended a funeral of a co-worker that I worked with many years ago during my early years. He passed away from a heart attack and left a wife and adult children. Many nice things were said about him and every one of them true. The collage made by his family showed his life and loves. His true age did not show being only 71 years young. As I watched him being lowered into the cement ground vault brought me back to my own father's burial almost nine years ago in the same place of interment, the Veteran's Cemetery located in Boulder City. It was eerie and sad. My own sadness and loss of a parent is hard. It is still nine years later and I foster that void in a part of my heart, a missing link. The final closing of the cement lid and the empty sound that it makes in the breeze of the wind. The harshness of this dessert region combined with the living and the dead is a reality check of how fragile my life is. How life is given and how life is taken, in the blink of an eye, the sighing of a last breath and the light that leads you from now to forever. Surely, If I were to be taken now, I would have so much unfinished business that I don't want to leave my family members without resolving much of it. I would so miss life, the breaths, the joy and my friends and family. What will they think when I can't say goodbye? If I love them with all of my heart and show them, then there is no need to say goodbye

My birthday month

Here it is, the month of March. Sometimes I feel like such an old lady slowly creeping into my fabulous 50's. I'm almost 4 years away from that number. I've been super busy with my personal life as I have vacation for the next two weeks. I was in Hawaii for my birthday with my good friend Darrell from work. We had a wonderful time doing tourist things, sightseeing, partying and eating. Events that we were not looking for were presented to us on a silver spoon without fail and we went with the flow of things. It's great that we are both like that and make for awesome travel partners. Besides my Lynn, Darrell is the next best thing to a travel companion. We rented a cute little convertible Sebring for two days and toured the rugged country side of Waianae and Makaha. It's desolate beaches and pristine sand made the long journey worth wild. We explored a roadside cave, picnicked alongside the beautiful blue ocean and enjoyed the warmth of the sun with the car top down and my long "ruffly" hair flowing in the wind. We managed to sneak in a parade, saw a Tahitian competition, watched the "girly boys" show off at Queen's beach in Waikiki and had the Royal Hawaiian Pineapple drink at the beautiful "pink palace". Leaving Hawaii is always hard for me because of my roots here. But then again, leaving Hawaii is hard for everyone.

First

full day off from work and I'm revelling in the peace and quiet. I'm sitting here at the laundromat drying my clothes and piggybacking off of a restaurant wireless Internet which I can always count on. I'm slowing down on my postings due to my work schedule and I'm just too tired to stay up and write. By the time I come home, I'm totally exhausted and fall right away to sleep. Lynn is at her chorus rehearsal and will be calling me soon. We have a party to attend, a 50th, birthday of a lesbian couple that we met last year during the summer at a women's music festival this Saturday. Her partner is throwing this shindig at a Moroccan restaurant complete with belly dancers, champagne and appetizers. It should be a lot of fun. Lynn and I will also be overnighting somewhere close because after drinking a few glasses of wine, we don't want to drive too far and plus we get to spend some much needed time together before I fly off to Hawaii for my birthday. Yes, I will be going without her and will be attending this trip with my good friend Darrell. Time, money and her daughter keeps her from going. Lynn and I will be going to Las Vegas at the end of this month to celebrate a birthday bash at my hotel that always gives me comp rooms. They are throwing a party for all of the March babies. That should be wildly fun too. My last day at work officially will be March 12th and I'll be off from work for the next three weeks. I will most definitely be picking up overtime, if they'll let me. Because of the Easter holiday coming up, we will be swamped and with the amount of sick calls, I would be a good candidate to pick some of that up. My laundry is done and I'm going to the grocery store to pick up some items for home. This is the best time to run errands, when no one is in the store.

News and Internet

There is such sadness in today's news about death and the people that it happens to. When you realize that your life is so precious that it could be snuffed out in a second be it suddenly or by some horrific circumstance, the news is hard to escape. I try to focus on good and happy news only to divert my eyes to news of shootings, murder, slaughter and cannibalism. What a world I live in. To raise my three children and have them live past the age of 18 is an accomplishment in itself. To let them know of all of the people to avoid only to have their best friend commit suicide. What were his thoughts before he took his life? Would he take some of his friends with him? Enemies? What thoughts run through my children's minds in this day and age? I can only wonder and communicate with them as they weave the path of their lives and journey through this fragile time. I can't help but read the details of events leading up to the crimes, it's unavoidable, it's unexplainable, it's the Internet.

Before Humira

I was a complete mess of human less flesh. The pain was excruciating and my body was not mine. It felt alien and unknown to me. My joints were very hard to control let alone involve movement of any kind. Flareups? What the hell is that? In the dictionary the meaning: to start up or burst out in sudden, fierce activity or passion. This definitely was not passion! My immune system was on an all out assault throughout my body. I was not ready for this type of vicious attack. My diagnosis floored me. What? Where? How? Why me? In the end, all of this points to, "No Cure"! I think I've said this a time or two but only as a reminder to myself. I've signed on to a research company in San Francisco as a participant of RA and in the hope of them finding a cure for this terrible disease. So far, all of my medications have been working for me. As I look back to the time without Humira and where I was, it was a dark time for me. I was going through quite a bit of depression, but there was so much for me to do to keep my mind off of what I was feeling that there was no time for me to sit back and feel sorry for myself. I had a family to be in charge of, an unfinished kitchen remodel, employers that I had to work for and bills to pay. There was just too much to do and I was not going to let this disease hamper me in any way. I put my life in the hands of a world renown Rheumatologist and whatever he said to take as far as medications, I took. So far, his advice of resting, medication and monitoring are working. I am back to a full work schedule, my kitchen is finished and my family and friends still loves me. I am in a better state of mind and a much peaceful place of body.

Airline Lounge

is where I am at this week. It is a nice respite from working the gates and ticket counter. Our lounge is one of the best in San Francisco and very comfortable. If you are a frequent flier, a membership into this area is highly advised and recommended. Our lounge features a host of complimentary tidbits such as wifi Internet, choice liquors and finger foods. Most of all a place to get away from the leisure travellers and the airport noise. You can watch T.V. in style and comfort or download email and work related articles or chit chat with our nice bartenders and agents.
For me, it is nice to sit and finally catch up on my email, blogging and bill paying. I am still a little behind in my mortgage one of which I had already paid in December and January when I received a check to help pay for those months. My bank had sent me a delinquency notice for January which I will have to reconcile or else they will send a note to my credit company and put a bad mark on my report. It's all about the credit report that is keeping me from sinking. Already in the outrageously out priced state of California, there are hundreds of foreclosures and I am hoping that I will not be one of them now or in the future.

Fatigue

sets in as my long enduring hours of standing and constant work keeps my body from getting it's proper rest. I am right back to my old self again working tremendous hours a day for somewhat low wages and I cannot afford to do part-time work. In order to maintain my mortgage, bills and credit cards, I have to work maniac hours. By the time that I finish my work shift in the morning, I am completely exhausted by the time I get home. I have little time to nibble on something to eat before falling effortlessly to the comfort of my flannel sheets and firmness of my bed only to wake up at eleven in the evening in time to catch the news. I had a few tasks to do today but was too tired to complete any of them, one of which was to go to the bank and transfer some money which I will have to do tomorrow and to get a lab checkup for my primary on my glucose levels to test for diabetes which is an annual thing for me due to that it runs in my family. I want to try to prevent any diseases that my parents had and keep myself in check so that I can live a long comfortable life. Basically, whatever tests that I can afford under my insurance, I want it done.
I talked to Lynn on the phone and our conversations have been somewhat short due to our work schedules and family time. But we always manage to get a few moments in. She was a little upset tonight because Greg wants her to go to Hawaii with his mother, daughter and him for a family reunion. Lynn is not at all convinced that she is invited to go by her mother-in-law but at Greg's insistence. It would also be around the time that her daughter Camden would be coming home from London and we would be going there to escort her back which he seems to have forgotten. I told her that it sounds a little "fishy" to me since he initially wanted his "girlfriend" Pam to come up with her grandson in the summer to stay and visit which Lynn is "dead set" against because of her manipulating tendencies and destructiveness of self with no concerns of anyone but her own. I have met the woman and my take on her is completely opposite of what I would imagine Greg with as a partner. Her physique is slender and petite with short sandy brown hair with blonde highlights. She seems very fragile and shaken. I would not be attracted to her in the least if she were an eligible lesbian woman. Their talks will continue and I will lend my ear for listening and trying very hard not to be critical of what developes.

Piggybacking

on my wireless connections has been much harder to access lately. Everyone has locked in and blocked me from piggy backing off of their servers. Serves me right that I need to get my own wireless router to have my own access. My son dominates the Internet at home due to school and what not. I am left to my own devices at work or when I can get online at home so catching up on my blog has been a little bit more tricky.
What a stormy day it was at the airport and sure enough flight delays abound. We tried to accommodate as many customers as we possible could with full flights and other airlines. I'm sure many misconnected and will have to overnight in those connecting cities. There is nothing that we, as an airline, that we could do to accommodate all of our passengers. I have a full shift today and tonight and will need to go home and nap before the start of my evening shift. I received a very nice paycheck this time due to the fact that I'm picking up more hours versus my sick time paycheck which was pitiful. I can't neglect my health and will need to rest when I can and hopefully I will when I get home.

Personal Escort

for Lynn's daughter Camden as we breezed through custom and security lines of the checkpoint. Her check in at the ticket counter was uneventful and the agent seemed to like her travel outfit for Business First. Lynn and I exchanged some money for British pounds which didn't amount to much. $222.00 and some change only got us $100.00 British! Our dollar is worthless in the free world and I'm hoping it will have a better outlook soon. I could sense the stress in Lynn's voice when she called me in the morning to get a reality check and a shoulder to lean on. You can't comfort a worried mom about her daughter going away for six months. No matter what age, all moms worry! When I arrived at the airport, I could see the worried look and fatigue on Camden's parents face. I had that same look when ever my own children would step out the door and had to trust that they would be fine.
With Camden anxious to be at the gate, she said her goodbye's, kisses and hugs to her parents and we were on our way to the gate. Since I was in uniform blue, I was a direct target for the unending questions that usually come with my job. "Where is gate 93?" "How do I get to A17?" Looking at Camden, I joked with her, "It comes with the territory!" She laughed under her nervousness worrying about being on standby as she has never been in this situation of not having a seat before boarding. Lynn called me on my cell phone from outside of security to make sure everything was ok. Just then an unexpected gate change announcement was made and everyone in the boarding area literally picked up and trampled their way to the escalator. Luckily for us, we were right at the escalator entrance and quickly got there before everyone else. Lynn was hearing the commotion wondering "what the heck is going on?" I told of her a gate change and we were making our way to the new gate area and said that I would call her back. Once at the other gate, Camden checked in with an agent to let her know that she was there. While we waited, we chatted about my daughter Nani, my son, her sister missing her, her worried parents, her excitement to be in London for the next five months, the start of College less than a month when she comes back and her blog. I thought, "what a well rounded daughter she is". She will go far in life and make a difference. Hearing here last name announced, she approached the counter with me following on the heels of her white shoes. The boarding pass was given to Camden with 13E on it. I thought middle seat and asked if Camden could have an aisle seat. The agent quickly retorted, "In economy!" I took another look at her boarding pass and sure enough, it stated that she was sitting in "Business Class"! I became excited for Camden and told her that she had hit the jackpot. We quietly held our contained excitement to our final hug and well wishes as she boarded through the Business Class line. Camden's smile was as wide as the grand canyon, priceless. As she disappeared through the door, I waited a few minutes taking a look at the 777 airplane she was travelling on, thinking, she is going to have a wonderful time. I did not call Lynn back and told Camden to call her mother letting her know that she got a seat on the flight and made my way back to where Lynn would be waiting. As we sat down in the restaurant area to a cappuccino and pastry, Lynn couldn't contain herself any longer as she started to cry. She knew this day would come to let go of her daughter. We as mothers all have to do this at some point in our lives. Hers was today. I held her hand as we sat in our quietness while the flurry of airport activity and noise swirled around us. I offered to drive her home and we talked more. Feeling less worried, Lynn was comforted in her thoughts of letting go, a little at a time.

Delayed

out of Las Vegas due to San Francisco weather. My flight on US AIR was running about an hour and a half behind schedule. I was truly hoping it would not be delayed any further as I have a rescheduled RA appointment at 4:00pm. As a standby employee, I was cleared immediately by the nice male gate agent who gave me an aisle seat close to the front of the aircraft. With another SFO flight that was scheduled and now delayed, the agent working that one started piling passengers onto my flight which was now going to be very full. Needless to say, I made it. While waiting in the boarding area, I noticed "Dog, the bounty hunter", from Hawaii sitting at the slot machine area being closely watched by his co-worker/body guard. In a few seconds, his wife Beth showed up by his side and you can't miss her! I tried to dish out my camera from my bag but they were gone at the sound of the 1st class boarding announcement for Phoenix. That would have been a sweet picture.
My flight home was a little turbulent as we landed in raining San Francisco a little after 2:00pm. I drove home to check up on my son and the house and let Lynn know that I landed safely.
I had not seen my RAtologist since December when I started my Humira injections. In between that time, I have taken a few blood tests at the lab and so far, he is very pleased at where my marks are. My SED rate when I first started in August was over 100 when my Primary doctor diagnosed me. My RA, one week later pegged it at 96. Today, he stated it was at 32. He lowered my Prednisone from one and half tablet to one only. I'm still taking one folic acid and one multi-vitamin daily. 4 tablets of Methotrexate is still taken weekly. He was also very pleased to hear that I have not taken any Aleve or Motrin for pain. I would really rather feel the pain than NOT to feel any pain. How else can I identify if my body is hurting? My visits with him will be twice a year and hopefully down to once a year unless anything significant happens between now and then. I'll still be coming in monthly for more expanded blood tests which he will CC to my primary doctor. I am very happy that he's happy. I feel wonderful right now and very pleased with the results of my medication. Sure, I've gained a bit of weight versus the pain but to keep myself in check and back to normal, it's worth a little weight gain.

Poolside

at the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas as I am comfortable in my lounge chair feeling the gentle breeze of the wind waft over my body and the warmth of the sunshine upon me. What a grand feeling knowing that I don't have to be anywhere at anytime with anyone, decadent! So far, I have not won anything on the silver mechanical monstrosities called slot machines. My budget was very low coming to Vegas in the first place with only one thing in mind....picking up my Starbucks coffee kit. Relaxed as I am, this will be my last night here in this beautiful hotel. I will be leaving early in the morning to catch whatever flight that will get me home in time for my RAtologist appointment at 4:00pm which was originally scheduled for today. About an hour in the sun was good and called it a day for the pool and started towards the spa for another workout on the treadmill and bicycle. I love my Diamond Card and all the perks that go with it. After an hour of working out, I made my way back to my room to rest and take advantage of my tub for a bubble bath, delicious! Only to shower off and take a short nap before going to the Diamond Lounge for something to eat. I met quite a few personable waitstaff while here in the lounge and it shows that they truly enjoy what they're doing. Rustin and Mario remember me from previous nights ago and nod, "Good to see you again!". I make my way over to my usual corner of the dining room in my two seater booth tucked away in a nook. Again, sandwiches are the main course with crispy chicken wings and dim sum rounding out the hors d'oeuvre menu. Drinks flow freely here and the patrons come and go. I take my white zinfandel and a cappuccino for drinks while noshing away on the canapes, deserts and appetizers. My belly full again, I bid adieu to the staff that has treated me as if they have known me for ages and set out to find a winning machine.

Starbuck Coffee Kit

was delivered to my room by the hotel staff. I was to pick it up between 3:00pm-8:00pm at the Rio Hotel but instead of inconveniencing me, the Rio had it sent over. What a perk! They thought of everything. Now that's what I call service.
Since it was a beautiful warm day, I made my way to the pool after eleven am. I wanted to check out what the Paris Hotel had to offer. The pool is located on the 3rd floor of the Paris and the outdoor pool is nicely situated beneath the replica of the "Eiffel Tower". It is an impressive backdrop. I niched myself into a nice little area as the tower loomed above me. I think I took enough pictures of the courtyard to add to my Virtual tourist site which needs some updating. After about an hour of sunning, I took the elevator to the 2nd floor where the spa was located. This particular spa costs $25.00 to use but with my Diamond Card, I am allowed in free of charge along with a guest. I worked out on the treadmill and the bicycle. This is definitely larger than the Bally's spa with basically the same amenities. After about an hour of working out, I wanted to find out about picking up my Starbucks coffee maker and made my way back to my room. That's when I found out my coffee kit was at the front desk. After talking with Lynn and catching up on our day, I was ready for a nap and to partake in another visit to the Diamond Lounge.

Bumped!

After waking up at 9am, I finally got ready, packed and out the door to catch my 1:35pm flight to Las Vegas which was delayed to 2:30pm. I always call Lynn to let her know where I'm at and if I made my flight. We're communicative that way.
Boarding was complete, standbys were cleared and I had a row to myself. There is only so much that you could do on a 90 minute flight which left room for reading and snoozing, two of my all time greats! We landed with little fanfare in the glitzy city of Las Vegas and I made my way to the numerous shuttle services offered. The bus was full of patrons as we made our way to hotel after hotel until we finally arrived at the Rio All Suite Hotel. I checked in at the Diamond Services area and within a few minutes, I could see there was a dilemma. The woman checking me in advised me that they had "oversold" their rooms with conference attendees and wanted to keep the massive group together. My room would be offered to me if I still wanted it and If I took the offer to be put up at another hotel, this is what they would offer. My new digs would be the Paris Hotel, $100.00 in food vouchers, $100.00 cash, $100.00 in gambling chips and a limo ride to my hotel instead of the taxi or shuttle. I didn't blink an eyelash and quickly took the offer to help out the staff. They were very grateful and I was elated at all the goodies that I received. I inquired about my Starbucks kit and she advised me not to worry about it and to call in tomorrow for details to the concierge Diamond desk.
With my prizes in hand, my limo was a short wait and a short ride to the Paris Hotel. I checked in at the Diamond registration desk and was personably greeted by Jasmine who offered me a room on the 23rd floor at room 2349P. All the excitement of this day has worn me out and I couldn't wait to see my room. I thought, what type of room ends with a P? Upon entering my room, it was one of two in a corner niche of the hotel. With detailed elegance, the room was magnificent. A large king bed greeted me with a nice setti across from it housed in front of a large bay window peering kitty corner to "the strip". Another bay window looked out towards the airport and the mountains. In front of it sat two individual comfortable aqua green chair amid a large armoire housing the T.V and the ample drawer space for my personal belongings. The bathroom was quite spacious with a tub, shower and large vanity. The sign on the back of my door states that this particular room rents for $2000.00 a night, single or double occupancy. A third person is $150.00 extra! What extravagance!
I needed to feed my hunger and visited the Diamond lounge which was the opulence of what a lounge should be. Nicely appointed in dark cherry wood interior and the waitstaff in black and white suit and tie made this lounge elegant and professional. Dedicated to service, no one waited long for a table or to be asked what they would like to drink. Liquor flowed freely as did the appetizers which were replenished as soon as it was low. There was enough waitstaff to notice who were the new entrants and if you needed another drink. They were very attentive and professional. Fully satisfied from this type of meal, I did not need to visit the buffet or cafe. Instead I was on a mission to find my machine in this new hotel of luxury.

Sweetie's Day

I always look forward to spending time with my sweetheart, Lynn. Our time together is far and few in between and it was not our intention we were going to pack up our U-haul and move in together after our first or second or even our third date. We were definitely attracted to each other from the first day we met. Haole (Caucasian) woman is my weakness and long brown hair down to her waist, is an absolute plus.
Our time together sometime involves either one or both of her daughters at home, each doing their own thing. This time was Camden, who is getting ready for her trip to London next week. Bryn left with her father on a church snow trip to Lake Tahoe. I usually putter around the house or am on the computer playing video games which Lynn has me "hooked" on Jewel Quest II. Tonight, we shared responsibilities in cooking. Since she did the "lioness's" share, I cleaned the dishes and tidied up the kitchen. Sharing household duties and chores is a lesson in life of working together with the dependability and levelheadedness of knowing that a relationship takes two. It may not always be 50/50 but the rationality and maturity that comes along with knowing your partner should not be a burden.

Fifth shot, right thigh, missed a day

It still doesn't get easier as I continue to inject myself with the Humira medication. I still talk myself into it and still wince upon application of it to my thigh area. I imagine that when I'm 65, I will be more tolerant of this procedure. I missed yesterday's injection due to that I work through several shifts and did not have the Humira with me. My RA said to take it immediately the next day and resume my injection the next time. I felt so bloated and swollen yesterday that during a few brief break times, I was able to put my feet up and rest. I felt much better after a nap and I promised that I will not ever work that type of shift again. Working 20 plus hours in a day is crazy, so what was I thinking? I have to learn to say "NO"!
I rested all day today and if felt good to stay in bed until 10:00am. After some leisure time, I got ready to run some errands before the weekend. I dropped into the lab to submit more blood for my RA appointment next week, visited the bank to make a deposit and filled up my truck tank with gas for forty dollars which does not go a long way anymore.
Coming home to a quiet environment, I relish the thought of taking another nap but instead I watch the American Idol reruns that I TiVo'd and have a plate of leftover spaghetti.

20 Hour day

My work schedule was continuous as I picked up shifts and strung them together due to co-workers needing to leave work early and some much needed overtime. My payroll specialist will have a fit to see what hours I have accumulated today. My shift started out at 5:00-9:00am for overtime. I worked my own shift from 9:00a-1:00p and finished the remaining shift of a co-worker from 1:00p-3:15. From 3:15p-7:00p, I started the shift of another co-worker, who left for Mexico City with her husband. 7:00p-12:00a, I worked for another co-worker who needed the day off to be at home with her children and from 12:00a-1:00a for overtime to help out with full flights and sick calls. But that doesn't count the 4:00am wake up time and my getting home at 1:30am. In all, it was a very long day and I could definitely see myself dragging as the afternoon wore on. I managed to nap between flights and stay off my feet at times but I could feel the fatigue from not fully resting like I should have been doing. With my mortgage due and other bills close behind, surviving to stay in my home takes precedence. With all the picking up of my hours, I also neglected to take my Humira shot and didn't plan on missing today and will have to make up for it by taking it in the morning tomorrow. My company sponsored a pizza day to celebrate Valentines day and our profit sharing day which was a very nice gesture.
At 5:00am, coming to work in the dark and leaving at 1:00am in the dark tells me that I've been here too long. Happy Valentine's Day.

Counseling session

ends for me and I will not be seeing Dr. Snow today with Lynn. Since our line of communication has been improved and my better understanding of what she is going through, we agreed that there was no further need to my continue visits.
I picked up some overtime shifts in the morning in addition to my own work schedule and will be returning again, tonight. In between, I have errands to run and dinner to cook which will leave me little time to nap. My biggest fear would be over sleeping and I have set three alarms at fifteen minute intervals to wake me. I always manage to wake to the last alarm and ready myself for work. Tomorrow is our pizza and profit sharing day. A VP from my company will be by to visit and talk with co-workers about our environment and answer questions. It will be interesting.
I went shopping for basic foods and always end up buying more than what I need, especially for my son. He drinks alot of juices and I need to keep him hydrated. Water has been a mainstay in our home. I cooked up a huge pot of spaghetti to, hopefully, last a few days. Nothing lasts too long in my household and gets devoured very quickly. I managed to start the process of filing my taxes online with Tax Slayer. They charge 9.95 to do my returns including the State and it is fairly easy. I have been using this company for several years and am very happy with the ease of it's program and the return rate of my monies for refunds. I'm hoping to complete this by the weekend.

Sunrise

during my early morning shifts this past week have been spectacular. After all the rain that we had in the previous weeks, this was a welcomed sight. The grey amber sky lighting up the San Mateo Bridge in the background on a clear day is particularly breathtaking. Purple, pink and amber hues wake behind the mountain to start a colorful warm day shaking off the chill of dawn. Before the powerful noise of airline engines roar or clanging metal from speeding tugs carrying cargo ever begin, the airport is eerily quiet and movement stands still. Squawking geese and other migrating birds can be heard in the distance while the faint sound of the bay sends shivers down my spine. The amorous scent of baked cookies at the It's It factory sends me salivating for a cup of chocolate mocha from the vending machine. The light wind kisses me softly as if to greet me and the brilliant sun radiates to warm me. A moment in time that seems to stand still for me to relish, savor and remember a beautiful day such as this.

Kick butt hours

working just to survive in the state of California. My paycheck borders on the amount of hours that I pick up to pay my mortgage, bills with very little actually going to me. I was able to "max out" my credit cards during my four months off from work and have to pay the least amount due. Minimum wage has supposedly gone up and you have to figure on that type of paycheck, you won't be able to afford much. President Bush will be issuing approximately $600 dollars back to the tax paying people to spur spending on our already outrageously overpriced state. As long as consumer price goes up, six hundred dollars means nothing to anyone. Being a single mom working the hours that I do, I have to trust that my 14 year old son will do his homework, cook his own dinner and get himself to school. Most of the time, without my supervision. Versus when I was at home, he enjoyed the home cooked meals every night, late night talks and my constant presence of being at home. That was enjoyable for me and it took a disease to say, "time out" and take the much needed time off.
My erratic work schedule and the over load of hours that I have picked up will insure a healthy paycheck but my son will be the ultimate sacrifice. THAT is what I do not want, to neglect my son because of my work schedule. Luckily, we have a good line of communication and he is a wonderful son, a bit lazy, but a good son. For now, work will have to come first if I am to stay in my home. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for a good outcome.

Dyke's, Femme's

and everything in between as Lynn and I checkout the Respect women's tea dance night held at Harry Denton's Rouge on Polk Street and Broadway. Being "Gold Card" holders, we are admitted to any dance that DJ Page Hodel "spins" at, free of charge. It is a nice little perk that we acquired during our early years meeting Page courtesy of our good friend Marilee who now lives in Atlanta.
As we scan the dance floor for friends that we know, I notice a couple that used to be together and are now "broken up". It seems that they are still civil towards each other and instead of their hands and lips all over each other, they are at opposite corners of the club watching intently what the other does. I'm sure it must be very awkward but they seem to take it in stride. Their fake smiles beguiling the hurt they must be feeling. Their circle of friends carefully shielding them from any further damage. The feelings that they still share for each other are noted in their truthful glances.
Shelly and Mary introduced themselves and asked if they could sit at our booth. Being the Valentine's weekend many of the tables had reserve signs on them and hardly anywhere for a gal to sit. Introductions aside, we found out that both women are in the nursing field. Shelly lives in Modesto and Mary lives in Los Gatos and have been dating each other off and on for about 5 months. They have an "open relationship" and date other woman. In the queendom of lesbianism, there are relationships of all kinds.

Burglarized

My good friend Sarah whom we helped move some weeks ago into her rental house in Vallejo was burglarized one week after moving in! She called upon myself and a few of her friends to help her remove into a gated apartment complex today. Darrell picked me up and we drove over the Bay bridge together to keep each other company on the long drive over. We met up with Sarah, Norma and Sarah's mother who were helping her box up items that should have been packed before we arrived. After giving me the keys to the 30 foot U-haul rental truck, I was designated driver since everyone else was too afraid to drive it and I had a better handle on driving large vehicles. Darrell and I immediately proceeded to load the large items and were joined by the everyone packing it onto the truck. Five hours later, we were done with 80 percent of the house and ready to move it into her new apartment. Maneuvering the large truck into the complex was fairly easy and the only hazard was the carport overhang which I did not want to damage. With Darrell as my escort, he guided me in the blind spots. We quickly unloaded everything in under three hours. Perspiring, exhausted and hungry, we took a quick break. As Sarah's diligence in setting up her apartment to a normalcy grew urgent, so did our departure from moving the rest of her belongings. Darkness swiftly descended upon us and it was time to take the truck back. With all of the unloading completed, our weary bones tired and ready to make the long journey home. Thoughts of a long hot shower and a nice glass of wine quickly snapped back to reality as we advised our dear friend to call 1-800-MOVERS the next time she needs a hand.

Blogs

on Rheumatoid Arthritis is plentiful and abound on the Internet. In my search for knowledge about this disease that has taken up residence in my body, I am the gracious host and have learned to co-exist with this foreign invader by administering medicine that will help to keep the swelling from gravitating upwards making my fingers look like pudgy sausages and from the excruciating pain that rides along with it. Of course there are side effects and a myriad of other problems that come with taking these medicines. My RAtologist is keeping a close watch on my blood and my state of mind during my appointments. There are many helpful and informative sights on RA originating from society and centers for health. Knowledgeable as they are, the blogs or rather reports are very detailed as far as talking about the factors, symptom's and depth of the disease. I find comfort in the blogs written in part by people like me that have a life, family, work and are trying to understand the "why me?" syndrome. I remember when I was first diagnosed with this disease. I was thinking, "ok, it's not Cancer" and I wasn't really too worried about it. After delving into the Internet on any and all information about rheumatoid arthritis, I was exhausted. The only visual material wording that stunned me in all of these blogs were the words, "No Cure". At least Cancer has a cure! My emotions were overwhelmed and I cried for a few moments at a time. There was too much for me to do before I become totally debilitated by this disease. It took me a few months say the word "disease" and acknowledge it as such. After a healthy amount of reading and extensive visits with my RAtologist, my state of mind is in a better place and attitude. I have learned to cope with this foreign resident and have given everything it needs so that we can peacefully co-exist one day at a time.

Rollercoaster

week for me since I've been back to work. I've picked up hours like crazy to pad my paycheck in anticipation of paying my monthly mortgage and a host of other bills that I have due. I should just about clear them all. I will definitely be completing my taxes this weekend and hoping to receive that within two weeks time. My company is also giving my profit sharing check next week on Valentine's Day, which will be a welcomed addition to my bank account. I am also trying to find the time to fly to Las Vegas to pick up some freebies that my Diamond Status with Harrah's has allowed me comp rooms and prizes in a way of enticing me to exclusively use only their casino group. I'm here to tell you, it's working! For the month of February, I will pick up a Starbucks coffee maker, grinder, coffee and travel mugs, gratis, courtesy of the Paris Hotel in conjunction with Harrah's. I've invited Lynn and her daughter to fly with me to Las Vegas. Lynn's daughter will be flying to London during the week of Feb 24th. She will be a volunteer at the Pax Lodge for about 5 months and receiving a stipend plus room and board. It is a wonderful opportunity for her and she will meet other young women from other cultures and what a time she will have. I'm jealous! So, I thought if they flew with me to Las Vegas, we could all have some fun together and enjoy the sights. I'll find out next week.
Work has been very busy and there's talk about Delta and Northwest merger that has the industry as a whole, up in arms. It is a waiting game and may the best airline win.

Communication

between Lynn and I have developed into a better relationship for us. Since that fateful day in December, we have talked of our problem with Dr. Snow and she in turn has given us feedback with good results. Her kind words and compliments of us as a couple strengthen our bond. It is here in counseling that we discharge all of our questions, answers and thoughts with her examination of our relationship between us and our families. This is information that Lynn and I rarely have conversations about when we are alone due to the fact that we want to enjoy each other's blissful company. Lynn doesn't want to chit-chat about the "hard stuff" and would rather we talk about our issues in counseling. Inside of our bubble, life is tropical and sunny. Outside, it is cold, alone and bitter. In our quest for a better understanding of our relationship, we are slowly bringing the imbalance in our lives to a stable plateau. Slowly, ever so slowly.

And the winner is.......

is it too premature to say that Hillary Clinton is President? I personally would love to see a woman in office and Hillary would be my gal! So now you know who I voted for. It seems a record number of people of all cultures surrendered themselves to the polling booths to cast their vote for the best candidate. I saw scanned the crowd and took note of a large number of very young voters eagerly looking over initiatives and asking questions to the staff. Clearly, the first timers are very excited about this momentous event. They are fortunate in their young lives to be experiencing this phenomenal moment that may never ever repeat itself in American history of an African American man or a High powered woman running for the President of the United States of America. I am blessed to be alive to witness this grand wonder.

Don't forget to VOTE!

If you haven't already done so, tomorrow is going to be a monumental day and I am so excited that it is happening in my lifetime. We are either going to have our first EVER African American or our first EVER woman President. Polls open early and in most States, will be open until 8:00pm. Most people have done the absentee ballot by mail and I thought about exercising my option to vote that way but my return to work has left me with very little time. I definitely can feel the fatigue from the lowering of my prednisone and I certainly miss my nap times. In between shifts, I find very little time for that and will have to make that a priority soon. Luckily for me, work has been non-stressful. Our flights are full but not to the point of overselling. Our premier members can't always get the seats they requested because of frequent plane changes and security checks. For the most part, work has been enjoyable. There is the constant gossip which I try to stay away from or just not repeat it to anyone other than Lynn. Airline gossip is appealing and amusing to her and is another form of riotous humor in my line of work. The attitudes that passengers have and what they think they can get away with is unbelievable. If you've ever watched the show "Airliners" and what the Southwest staff go through on a daily basis is true. If I could put pen a book on the daily idiosyncrasies that I experience, I would be a millionaire.

Split shift

at work with a nap in between. Today was my first day back on the morning shift and I was greeted like an old friend by my co-workers. Lots of warm hugs and chatter on what I have been doing with myself for the past four months. It was nice to see everyone as I have missed them all very much.
After arriving home, I quickly got into my pajama, robe and slipper, made a healthy tuna sandwich and turned on the T.V. to the Superbowl. I enjoy watching the commercials in between plays, laughing until my side splits. I didn't last too long, TiVo'd the rest of the game and took a one hour nap before getting ready for my next shift at night. Talking to Lynn throughout my day, she was upset at the fact that her husband wanted her to pickup their daughter's contact lenses tomorrow unbeknownst to Lynn. She was not warned of this but rather told. That meant for her go drive to Campbell in the morning, foregoing her own work day and pick up the prescription in order for their daughter to play Lacrosse this week. I advised her to tell her husband that HE needed to pick up the lenses. HE can afford to play hookie from work and does so often by goofing off in the morning, writing and playing tennis. And yes, HE can pick it up! So she told him to do it. Do guys think that we are their personal secretaries? He also invited some people over for Super Bowl without telling her when she wanted to enjoy a nice quiet afternoon at home after church. Can't a gal get any peace in her own home? So she retreated to her room to call me. She tells herself, "a year and half more, just a year and a half more".

Reaction

to my Humira shot produced a bruise where the puncture in my thigh was and a few hours later, a slight raised red swelling of where my 1st shot in December appeared. I thought it odd and will wait another day or two to see what will develop. So far, this is the only reaction that my body has produced to the injection. I will have to revert to the diagram for other target areas of injection and interchange during the bi-monthly process.
Tomorrow is the start of my new bid on the morning shift. After picking up tonight for a co-worker, morning will arrive very soon. Gone is my cherished mornings of sleeping in and enjoying the last bit of warmth from my bed. I will be working a double shift but not continuously, it will be a split shift for a few days this week. In between that time, I will return home and nap for a few hours. Somewhere during that time, I will have packed my breakfast or dinner keeping warm at the same time from the inclement weather of the week and making sure to check in with my son. Enter the Rat race of my life to make money and survive in this overpriced and underpaid society we call California and all the politicians that think a family can exist on an hourly wage of $8.00 an hour. What Podunk country do they live in anyway? I'd like to see them subsist on that wage and work the long hours that I do and have nothing to show for it by the time my paycheck arrives. Election time is around the corner and it will be an interesting race of the powerhouse candidates. Vote!

Broken promises

My friend, Yvonne and her church in San Mateo had an event that involved my surrogate family, The Evans. It was a night of music provided for by the Tongan Children's brass band, a slide show of the Church trip to New Orleans in October 2007 and a potluck dinner with Mama's gumbo being the feature attraction. It was quite a showing of church parishioner's as the event was an enormous success. The slide show was showcasing the church trip to New Orleans and their assisting in the rebuilding of two Katrina Families. Devastation is still present today with the help of FEMA and other government assistance slowing to a trickle. The undeniable assistance of relief only benefiting a fortunate few. Our government and state officials have abandoned this spirited icon of history and it's people only to turn their attention towards remembering their fiscal budgets and broken promises. No where in history has there ever been a mass exodus of peoples treated with the harshness and cruelty as the Katrina Survivors. They are a people without a country. Nations saw the devastation and we were gripped to our T.V. for weeks as word of loved ones ebbed out onto our screens. Monies poured in from every country on earth in the hope of finding a recipient. Well wishers sent cards, letters and offers of adopting whole families to come and stay with them. Strangers helping strangers. The hearts of the world reached out to New Orleans and softly held it's people close to it's bosom. Months later as the welcome mat wore out with family and friends, Mama would say, these ignorant people said to the Katrina families, "Get over it!" How can you tell a proud family that lived through a devastation that most of us can only imagine, at best, to "Get over it?" I'm sure it will be tucked away in the corner of our minds like every other major world catastrophe, but it will not be forgotten. Like the horrific Indonesia Tsunami in 2004, New Orleans Katrina and the cries of it's people, will not be forgotten.

5150

"When any person, as a result of mental disorder, is a danger to others, or to himself or herself, or gravely disabled, a peace officer, member of the attending staff, as defined by regulation, of an evaluation facility designated by the county, designated members of a mobile crisis team provided by Section 5651.7, or other professional person designated by the county may, upon probable cause, take, or cause to be taken, the person into custody and place him or her in a facility designated by the county and approved by the State Department of Mental Health as a facility for 72-hour treatment and evaluation". As stated in the WELFARE AND INSTITUTIONS CODE SECTION 5150-5157.
Hearing Britney Spears being rushed to the hospital on a 5150 and my own daughter, Pua, who now issues that order upon herself when she is having a mental breakdown, can only receive the qualified care that they need instead of being stricken to a jail cell. In comparing these two young women, highly intelligent, beautiful, outgoing, seeking attention, substance abuse, readily available gentlemen suitors, loves children, enjoy singing and their love of shopping. They would do well in a facility together and the stories they would share. As with Britney's young life, a barrage of events and excessiveness solidified what she is going through. It was and is the same for my daughter, too young, too accessible, too soon and too much. Our youth today have much to contend with let alone the pressures that go along with growing up in this society. Pushing the limits until it all comes tumbling down and nowhere to go but home. Disruptive, chaotic, abusive, aggressive and a host of other words that derive from this culture of GENX'ers and Babyholics plays out like a disastrous B movie.

Highway 101

shut down yesterday because of a tanker spill causing traffic to be rerouted through once quiet neighborhoods and hours wasted in perpetual commotion. Fortunately, I was not in it but saw the news on T.V. from work, thinking that there will be many passengers late for their flight if they hadn't tuned in. Carried over today, the left lanes are still blocked and the 511 traffic information has issued a severe alert to avoid 101 if at all possible and look for alternate routes. Lynn has a meeting today with Dr. Snow in Palo Alto at 4:00pm and if it were not for this accident, I would attend. Instead, I declined because of the horrid traffic I would have to contend with on the return going to work.
The meeting today would consist more of Lynn's relationship with her mother. Defining that her mother, as abusive as she was in her younger years, is now older and cannot harm Lynn. And yet, with harsh memories of Lynn's abuse, she remembers, vividly, each hit, swat, paddle or verbal assault being said to her or her siblings. Lynn was the caretaker and protector. How one so little and innocent can be subjected to such crimes by the hand of her own mother. It is unimaginable. On the other hand, my father was the disciplinarian. My mother could only stand by to listen to our cries as we were hit by my father's bare hand upon our backside. I tend to think that my sister was the favorite because she was rarely hit at all. My brother and I, because of our mischievous antics and my being such a rebel, we were always being spanked or locked downstairs in the cold dark basement. My brother was always the one to stay close to the door, breathing up the bottom light for fear of seeing into the void of the monsters he would dream up to scare his sisters with. Fearful of the dark and the demons that lay beyond the stair, I would hear him whimper. Mom would eventually let us upstairs and into our room without dinner. Our tummies grumbling, we were more terrified of our father and went to sleep that way. Hours later before my father would leave for work, I would listen to his rituals of making sure the windows and doors were locked. He would appear at each of his child's bedside and offer kisses upon their foreheads as if he were asking for forgiveness of his abuse. He would achieve this act of love until we were in our early teens. I'm not sure if my brother or sister had any recollection of this fatherly act of love but that memory of him remains.

Unending rain

and the weather calls for more sometime in the evening, I began preparations for dinner in the early afternoon. Looking at the expiration dates of the food in my refrigerator, I had to improvise and make two unsimilar meals. One meal would be the Salvadorean Pupusas and the other would consist of a baked Salmon soaked in lemon and rosemary, wrapped in Spinach leaves. The Salmon would be the easiest to prepare and only requires about a fifteen minute prep time and a forty five minute cooking time, while the Pupusa would demand the most cooking time up until my time to leave for work. I owe it to my ex husband's mother that taught me how to assemble and cook these wondrous round delights. Over the years and at family gatherings, these edible treasures were just cause for pandemonium, especially when the cheese cooked out to form the crispy crust and most sought after. I have perfected my cooking of them and my children certainly enjoy these when time in my life permits me to prepare it. To top it off, I had a blackberry smoothie consisting of blackberries, a banana, half cup of non fat milk and six cubes of ice, blended, no sugar is added. After a long day of cooking in the kitchen, this was a welcome reprieve and a healthy drink for my joints.

Finally

relief from mother nature's gusty winds and constant rains in San Francisco. I'm not complaining and i certainly express deep sympathy for my sisters in other parts of the country as well as the world with this incessant weather we've been experiencing. Most of what I do is hunker down, read books and make the best of the situation. My rheumatoid arthritis has not given me any problems since the start of my Humira injections. It has been one week since the lowering of my prednisone (5 MG) down to one and a half tablets daily, one folic acid (1 MG) and one multi-vitamin daily. My (10 MG) tablets of methotrexate is still taken every week on Wednesday, all of which I have faithfully taken and not missed for fear of my stiffening joints coming back to haunt me. The weather certainly doesn't play any part in it's affect on my joints as I so often hear from other sufferers. I sometimes feel a fullness in my hand joints when I curl my fingers and I look for tell tale signs of nodules and deformities as my fingers stand at attention under my inspection. I am afraid of the medications in my ample embodiment of woman and I disengage from the thoughts of what the future holds for me. Four months ago, I was a wretch from my tormenting pain and surprised by the suddenness of it all. A misery I would not wish upon anyone and executed a disguise of my endurance. This disease was altering me so aggressively, that I was not recognizable to myself anymore. Where was that sturdy, vigorous, take-charge woman that I knew? The agony was excruciating. The loneliness was more inviting, yet, lacerating and extracted me from the human race. My advantage was my family and friends who kept in touch with me often with their talk of others with my affliction. Lynn and her ever present spirit and communication, tho sometimes challenging, would be the hand on my heart to uphold and guide me through inharmonious moments in my life.

Sleeping in

as the alarm clock was silenced but read 10:45am! After a night with Lynn, morning comes too early. The smell of fresh coffee was enough to arouse this gal out of a warm bed in search of a cup. Lynn was up checking email and getting breakfast ready. Her daughter would be leading her father's writers class and church activities at the Methodist Church where she attends. Lynn and I would be going the opposite direction to San Mateo, again, to the PMCC. It has rained all of this weekend and doesn't seem like it's going to let up anytime soon. I'm beginning to enjoy my time at this church as their songs and teachings are pleasing to me. Churches can sometimes be intimidating as they are awe-inspiring. I don't know the inner workings of churches such as knowing when to stand up to sing or chant. Or perhaps to sit and sing or recant back to the Pastor. How do these people know? You obviously have had to attend church from when you were younger to get these particular tasks down pat or attend on a regular basis and it seems very easy to pick up. I definitely want to bring my coworker and friend DarRell here. There are a few good looking men that he may be interested in. He is a wonderful man who deserves someone wonderful. Could be a hookup in church! The people here are very friendly and we are always warmly greeted. Afterwards, there is always coffee, tea and snacks. Mingle and catching up on the weeks activities are the talk of trade. From here, Lynn and I drive back home again in the midst of pouring rain. With six thirty looming around the corner, it is time for me to slip away back into reality and away from my time alone with Lynn. This is always the most unpleasant part of our relationship, leaving one another.

Army Commissioning

today and it was a joyous occasion celebrated by Gail's family including her father who is a 2-Star Sargent General and her sister, a 2nd lieutenant in the US Army. Her proud father was the commissioning officer swearing her into duty. Numerous friends and family were on hand to help celebrate. While the rain let up for a few hours, we were able to hang out on the deck to enjoy some much needed fresh air. Inside, Gail stumbled through a few lines due to her nervousness but she recovered with flying colors. Gail's sweetheart, Ramona, was there to make sure the party ran smoothly and towards the end of it all, she was ready to collapse. Proudly Ramona stood watching Gail get "pinned" by her father and mother. Ramona was also in her detective uniform blues and looking just as handsome as Gail. With the festivities coming to an end, Lynn and I departed and drove toward San Francisco's Chinatown looking for a Chinese style blouse for Lynn's fundraising event in February. After some years working in the Pier 39 area, I am very familiar with the streets of San Francisco and Lynn found her blouse on the first shop we stopped at. It was a beautiful magenta color with gold accents and she received a very good price on it. We had tea and some appetizers at a local eatery. The staff were wonderfully nice and the delectable food arrived sizzling hot to the table. We walked through Chinatown park where the older Asians were playing mah-jong while the children stayed busy at the playground. Making our way home amidst the traffic, we were finally glad to sit still after being out all day. Lynn's daughter, Camden, stayed home from the Lake Tahoe trip and occupied herself with projects throughout the night. I read one of Lynn's book on Autism by Daniel Tammet called "Born on a blue day" and finished it within several hours. I found it to be a very good read.
Midnight arrived too soon for Lynn and I as we watched T.V. and enjoyed the closeness of being together in her bed instead of restricted to our sixty minute hot tub time. With no time limit attached to our nocturnal frolics, we were free to explore again, our boundless love. Our lovemaking is always beautiful if not fiery. Our fervent desire for one another, passionate kisses and sultry dance of the flesh igniting our emotions from deep within our souls. Breaths steamy, fierce and vivid stirring our primal urges, fighting to let go, to be free. Sounds in the night calling my name, calling her name. She, whispering her commands as I instantly carry out her directives. Our mouths find each other as our tongues surrender control and our hands interlocked, tightly, overhead and the other hand is left to explore, search and recover treasures of untold desires. The atmosphere is warming as her essence rises to fine me waiting, wanting and lusting. I find myself lapping at her effusion, her elixir, drunk as she retreats into my spirit. Our energies quieted, tranquil and serene, we lay next to each other in bliss as the darkness gives way to light. We hold each other for a time and drift off to sleep.

The falling rain

and the amount of water that has been captured in my recycle bins is tremendous. My backyard is a mixture of greenery and household items that were destined for the junk yard but now lay in a heaping mess. I'll never get to it if this rain keeps up.
My friend is getting commissioned tomorrow at her house, in uniform. I've never been to one and I'm very excited about attending. Lynn and I will be driving over to Hayward for the special event. Her family is leaving tonight for Lake Tahoe and will be caravaning as their yearly church event. I'm not so sure about them travelling in this unending rain and if they will be able to leave. It is going to be a horrendous trip there with the traffic and weather. I will have a harrowing driving trip to Palo Alto with traffic of my own to contend with. Drive slow and watch for the other idiots who forget to signal, drive too fast and are discourteous and I will have a safe journey to Lynn's.
I look forward to spending the weekend with Lynn as we catch up on some much needed bonding that we can't get from a hot tub session at Watercourse way or the infrequent amount of times that we meet for lunch. Precious as our meetings are, I treasure the longer days that we do spend together which we have done numerous times during the course of our relationship and our years together. I look forward to when we finally do settle down together to start our lives.... finally.

My morning ritual

of nourishing my infirmed body back to health would not have happened if I did not take sick leave from my employer. Tho the disease is a lifetime of pain and medications thus, manageable, I am forced to take a step back and take a closer look at my life and what I'm doing. The constant movement, travel, partying and not taking care of myself was running me into the ground. The pain of my disease, rheumatoid arthritis has given me a second chance to turn things around for myself. No longer do I eat at the airport restaurants (if my friends treat me to a salad, I won't say no) and fast food outlets, was a matter of convenience.
Now I eat breakfast everyday consisting of oatmeal or Malt-O-Meal showered with non fat milk and sprinkled with a healthy dose of wheat germ, no sugar, and two pieces of wheat or white toast, generously buttered.
Lunch might consist of a tuna sandwich, grilled cheese, banana and yogurt, granola cereal or a blackberry smoothie. A hot water kettle lives on my sink and is always hot for generous amounts of a variety of teas provided for by Lynn from her pantry.
Dinner varies on what is in the freezer and what I can thaw out in time. Baked salmon with lemon, Beef tomato stew, Enchiladas with green sauce, pork chops, kalua pig, rice a roni, brown and white rice and the ever faithful crock-pot for just about anything else. A big hit in my household has been tortilla wraps. The construction of my creation starts out with any type of cream cheese, vegetarian or chive with onions, as the base, then layering a generous amount of spinach and like a pizza topped with whatever you have in your refrigerator. I top it off with deli turkey meat, nonfat cheddar cheese, carrots, zucchini (sliced lengthwise) and when I'm done, I roll it up. I can either eat it like a burrito or cut it up in slices for bite sized pieces for a healthy snack. I AM A SNACKER!! I love junk which will be my downfall. Cheese puffs and Snicker bars are my weakness and won't resist them if offered. I have cut back on it but only slightly and it shows in my weight that I have picked up during these past four months off. Alas, I can truly say that I am eating healthier and better than four months ago and I feel better.

Poop in first class

and a crazed woman at the gates were episodes that I missed when I arrived at work today. I hear, if not witness, delirious, demented and sometimes wacky occurrences in my profession. An agent was recanting the story of a passenger in first class on an inbound flight and how he totally missed the toilet and had bequeathed a present to the cabin crew by defecating on the floor of the lavatory. By the way, no charges were filed and the passenger walked. His excuse was that he was a germaphobe and didn't want to touch the seat cover to the toilet and tried to prop himself above the receptacle only to relieve himself on the floor.
The next story involved our outbound flight and a young woman who acted like an immature 2 year old who was in complete hysterics when she missed her outbound flight for New York. She reacted by throwing herself on the floor, crying and cussing up a storm. When she didn't get her way with the agents at the gate, she returned to the security checkpoint to cool off, all the while still in a state of utter destruction. She never returned and may have caught another flight. My fellow co-workers and I conduct ourselves with the utmost professionalism while remaining calm, listening and performing the best to our abilities. Unlike our predecessors, United, American, Delta and others, we have been given high marks in our customer service skills and friendliness. I have worked for many years with my company and I genuinely love what I do. I think of my co-workers as my second family. Travelling is a perk that is the best in the industry which I have indulged myself and my family in travelling the globe. My trade is a specialized field which you "either have it or you don't". Meaning that you have to be a people person, social, personable, leader, comedian, problem solver, team player and a good listener. There are a host of other attributes which I acquired on the job with the help of other wonderful agents and Supervisors. At one time, the airlines was a profession that was highly coveted and hard to break into. Now, in the wake of possible mergers, talk and the high price of jet fuel, it seems the reasonable choice of venue. No one wants to merge with the possibility of losing their jobs after many years of hard work and a world of travel still out there to see. In this day and age, the unknown is right around the corner waiting to shake my hand.

Tax time

and the amount of paperwork that I shred each year is of epic proportions. Going through my files and folders for pieces of bureaucratic information that I am obligated to retain for the next seven years is a component that I am very methodical about. Hence, the piles of paperwork on my bedroom floor and elsewhere that I have accumulated but was too lackadaisical to file or shred. Receipts from every purchase that I have made since 2004 to now. Can we say ANAL? Somewhere, somehow, the madness has to stop. My self affliction and knowing that I have contributed incalculably to global warming by the amount of shredding that I do on a daily basis. Mostly I can lay blame on the retailers and advertisers who struggle for my attention to open their infinite allotment of junk mail only to be returned persona non grata in my shredder. While I wait for a few important documents from my bank concerning my home, I have, at the ready, my tax forms. My goal this year, unlike most years, is to focus on having the mailed tax forms dated before February. Last year, I had it ready in January and because life got in the way, it did not get mailed out until April 15th! How's that for pre-planning? I'm a clutter-bug and there's no denying it.

Remembering Martin Luther King

His speech is powerful and his words majestic as he spoke of the struggles of black people and minorities. If he were alive today, he would see that we have made very little in the way of progress. What would he say about Gays and Lesbians? Where would his take on homosexuality be? If he were President of the United States, there would have been a metamorphosis of wondrous proportions. Changes that would have reconstructed our way of thinking, open , honest and love thy neighbor. The powers that be and the silent movement put an end to that dream by assassinating our dearly beloved Mr. King. When he died, our dreams died with him. Now would be the time to rise up and implement our voices and elevate our spirits to go against societies ills. The King family would be proud. Martin Luther King would be proud.

In God's house

we are all created equal. At the MCC Church in San Mateo, it is just that. Rev Teri addresses her flock of gay, straight and transgendered every week with pastoral elegance and teachings of one so knowledgeable. Together in song and readings from the Bible, their hope for unison and togetherness bonded by love will further the achievement of all churches in the belief that we all have a place on this earth no matter what category we fall into, we are all created equal.
Being equal, we should also have the same rights as everyone else. The basic right to marry and have a same sex partnership. Being treated as a second class citizen or better yet, a foreigner in our own country we call America as this right is not inclusive to the gay community but exclusive for the hetero or straight community. Sure, America wants you to vote and pay taxes, but addressing LGBT marriage issue will be pushed aside for a more meaningful agenda such as the war in Iraq. America wants to recruit my son and daughters to serve their country, should they fall into the "don't ask, don't tell" category, my country will not support them but rather discharge them, thinking, "take your gay asses home!" Or worse, be accidentally killed by friendly fire. I thought we were out of the segregation and discrimination era but here it is, alive and well and will continue, if the powers that be, endorse this act of cruelty.
Lynn and I listen, sing and hold each other's hands with an aspiration that during our lifetime, we will legally marry with all of our family and friends in attendance as we walk down the aisle as one.

Lord, give me strength

in tempering my soul, mind and thoughts with my children. My second daughter, Pua, went AWOL last night from the facility where she was a resident. Her sometimes boyfriend, Adolpho, drove to Sacramento, picked her up and brought her to his place in Redwood City. Then drove her back to my home to spend a few days with us. It is always a problematic reunion between Nani (oldest daughter), Manny (only son) and Pua (second daughter). Nani and my son live at home with me and Pua abides her time in and out of mental facilities and group homes. She has been out of my home since she was diagnosed at 16 years old with schizophrenia, depression and was made a ward of the state at her request. Now at 23, she infrequently comes home and when she does, it can be very chaotic at times. Her facility environment consists of a tumultuous, boisterous and many times violent atmosphere to where she has her guard up twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Patients that she may call her friend one day could end up fighting her the next day without any explanation or cause. Tempers flare quickly and often in crowded facilities like hers.
Word of her escaping her facility last night was a phone call to her siblings and they in turn, called me at work. The questions, fears and worries of how Pua will manage without her medication. Pua's fear and loathing of not wanting to go back to her facility. Everyone looking at Mom and what I decide to do. Tired and wearisome, I can only go by the moments in time. Planning ahead in this particular situation is meaningless. Erratic, Nomadic and unpredictability is Pua's modus operandi and just cause for not planning. Where will she go from here? It is anyone's guess.

Another work day

and I'm back in the groove again. Slowly my co-worker and friends find out that I have returned to work, very glad to see that I am feeling well. It seems that I am not the only one that they know who has rheumatoid arthritis, there are countless others and they all offer suggestions on how to cure myself from eating the marrow from a cook beef bone to juices from exotic berries. From what I have read, my disease is treatable and manageable but incurable. It is a lifetime of chronic pain and if left on it's own without the proper medication, it can be unkind and horrific to the human body. For now, this medication will have to do and I'm trusting that the medical field will find a cure for this disease as well as many others out there.
Work was very demanding tonight, passengers are carrying everything on board with them and it is wearisome on our part be the bad guys to always take their carry on away from them due to lack of overhead space in our bins.
Flights were arriving late due to East Coast weather making our outbound flights delayed as well. Passengers want to hear what was the reason for the delay and no matter what we tell them, they always have opinions of their own. I stayed for forty five minutes of overtime and am looking for more, where ever I can get it. Because I am vacation relief, I will be bidding again for February and have chosen to go mornings but no too early of a shift. That way I can pick up hours at night and on my days off and still have the flexibility of controlling what I want. Tomorrow, I plan on starting a walking regimen and going to my local track and field for laps. I have missed exercise in my life for many years and need to put that back into the start of my day. Morning arrives too quickly when your scheduled off this late at night.

Third shot, right thigh

Because I have to interchange injection shots on my thigh, I have to keep track of where my last injection was and because my mind sometimes forgets, this is a good reminder for me. I took a little over half an hour to finally administer the shot, again, talking myself into it and each time looking at the end of the needle. That is what takes me longer because I tend to psyche myself out. Once done, it wasn't that bad. I have to stop looking at the needle before injection to quicken my task, next time, that is what I will do. My second day of work was uneventful. I picked up hours for a co-worker, ordered the meals and input the billing. It all came back to me today. Meeting a 757 on jet-way 35 was a different story. Because it's automated with a touch screen, I needed the guidance of a senior agent and Marty was there. Piece of cake! The schedule had me controlling a flight and a full one at that. We didn't have much room to play with when it came to passengers wanting better seating, we did not have any. First Class is always full and the compartment never goes out with an empty seat. Towards the end of my shift, Passengers became shadows and their voices started fading. Their unending repetitious questions became boring. I started to feel the tiredness settle in and I was ready to go home and sleep. Midnight could not arrive quick enough.

My first day

back to work and it was heaven. How many people can actually say that and genuinely mean it? I'm sure there are a few souls that can honestly say that. My start time is 1830 to 2330 and will be like that for the next two weeks until the end of January. Because I am vacation relief, Myself and three other co-workers will be required to bid every month for our shifts. Since I am Number one, the odds are one hundred percent that I will get what I want unless I forget to bid. My shift involves ordering meals for our flights that fly from San Francisco to Newark, New Jersey, billing, security checks and a host of detailed paperwork. As soon as I checked in for my shift, I was immediately overwhelmed by my co-workers and friends who have missed my being there. After almost forty five minutes of catching up with everyone at the ticket counter, I walked to baggage service and said my hello's there and continued onto the gate area only to repeat the same reaction when I checked in. It is delightful to know how much my friends miss my spirit and personality, as one supervisor words it.
There were only two flights tonight, none of which I will be working due to a briefing that I had to attend. It basically was an effortless and untroublesome night considering that most nights tend to have some type of issues, ie: weather, mechanical, diversions and security. This is one of those nights that I dream of and only get a few times a month. I picked up my next three days off thanks to another co-worker who gave me her hours to boost my paycheck which I look forward to mostly, to compensate for the sick pay I received these past few months off from work. It is wonderful to be back. Ask me again by the end of the month, I may have changed my mind.

Last day of Bliss

before going back to work tomorrow and reflecting on my four months off from work has been quieting for me. Now that I'm rested and have been managing my rheumatoid arthritis to where I'm able to move without any discomfort or pain is wonderfully amazing to me. Distraught and disabled in August, threw me one hundred and eighty degrees to come to the realization that I need to take time out for myself and make, me, a priority.
Can I work those maniac hours that I was used to? Will I have to pick up hours to make up for lost time and wages? Do I want to? These questions I ask myself going into this New Year. How can I make it work? Make my life work? Make my work, work, without financially draining myself or my energy level. I will strive for harmony in my health and work situation without compromising my work ethic, in other words, don't kill myself for the almighty dollar. I will be working the next two weeks on the night shift, part-time, while picking up overtime on my days off to make ends meet. Also making time for Lynn and I and the family events surrounding my life in the proceeding weeks ahead. Managing my once quiet life, merging into the traffic of life and not venturing over to the fast lane.....yet.

The Moss Beach Distillery

was our location for lunch today with my friends. This little jewel of a restaurant sits pass the Devil Slide area atop a bluff with majestic views of the ocean. Our initial restaurant was going to be the Chart House which is now the Outrigger, has been closed due to renovation. We drove further down the road and saw the signs indicating the Distillery and followed that. Winding our way through the neighborhood, we saw beautiful homes dotted along the beach front area. It was a little past 1:00pm and the restaurant was quite empty at this time. Our waitress, Courtney, seated us at a table with a commanding view of the ocean. The menu was genuinely authentic with a wide variety of flavors ranging from healthy appetizers to amazingly tasteful entrees. It was a bit expensive but the fare was large in portions and wonderfully fresh. I would definitely love to bring Lynn here for lunch or dinner and go for a stroll along the pathways to watch the sunset. It is absolutely romantic and timeless.
With our bellies full and impeccable service, it was time to go. With restrictions being that we had children to pick up and teenagers that we had to be home for, we were sorry to leave. Another time perhaps and maybe we might even see the "Blue Lady".

10 Seconds

for Camden's sendoff video for London is a surprise video to take with her made for in part by her little sister. It was a very thoughtful idea, when Lynn told this to me and that I was picked to help in her endeavor. It touched my heart so much so that I thought I would totally get into the spirit of things and dress up as "Aunty Aloha" when Lynn came to pick me up for our "Respect" dance day. My Aunty Aloha get up was an aloha shirt adorned with leis of all types, kukui, shell, feather, ribbon and pennies topped off with a Chinese fishing hat made out of palm leaves a few summers ago at a family reunion in Hawaii and big showy sunglasses. I looked pretty hilarious as Lynn taped me coming out of the front door of my home wishing Camden well on her journey to London next month. With my adornments put away, Lynn and I were off into the city for our monthly Respect dance night. I sent out emails to our group of women that meet whenever we can letting them know that we were going to be there tonight. As usual, we got there on the early side of things and checked in with Debi and seek out a booth for us. I was expecting Gail and her new girlfriend Ramona to drop in but no exact time was arranged. Lynn and I catch up on kisses, conversation and much needed touches throughout our evening. It's always nice to feel her closeness when we've been away from each other. We dance to a few tunes and enjoy the music. Our hands exploring as if on a mission and our lips softly finding the target kissing zone. As soon as an unfamiliar tune or rap music comes on, it's break time. Finally, Gail and Ramona show up apologizing for being late as a motorcycle ride to Pleasanton sidetracked them. With introductions and hugs finally settled, we conversed more in the privacy of our comfortable booth, danced a few numbers and conversed more like long lost sisters. With the club winding down, we all decided on dinner across the street at a Thai restaurant. Our conversation carried over from the club to a more intimate and quiet setting congratulating Gail on her first ever night out at a women's club. She enjoyed herself very much. Dinner was excellent with a variety of appetizers, soup and main entrees, we were stuffed to our hearts content. Soon it was time to say our goodbyes with hugs and kisses and a safe journey home. It was definitely a nice way to start off a New Year.

Hawaiian family gatherings

are never ending in my family and I've haven't been to one yet that has ever ended before midnight. My cousin Moke had a belated birthday party for two of his daughter's Anastasia and Vanessa (12 & 9) across the bay which my daughter and I looked forward to attending. As with celebrations there were also funerals that we attended for this family. My uncle and my cousin April, who recently passed away from Cancer and left two teenage boys, her husband and two twin girls (6 months old). April was the event planner of the families. She would send out the evites, plan the menu, co-ordinated the jumper, rent the facility or be the first one to secure the best area at a public park. That was April in a nutshell. With all of her love and aloha, she welcomed everyone into her family, no matter what race, color or creed, you were treated as family.
Hawaiian parties never start on time and this was no exception with a 2:00pm start and dinner finally being served a few hours later. The greeting of family and friends are always given in hugs and kisses. Introductions to familiar faces and the memories that we reminisce from past events and families that all brings us closer never losing those ties. Dinner is always excellent and plentiful. Smiles, laughter of children and conversation are the center pieces of my life. Our opu ( stomach) full of food and drink, we enjoy the rest of the night in music. My Aunty Joyce seems happier than usual and is more talkative than combative and she warns me about Mark and keeping him away from my daughter. My Aunt is a fiery red-headed haole (caucasian) woman who in her younger years was a total hottie. Wise in years, she can see everything in it's development and she does not like Mark. As the night starts to fade away and the crowd thins out, we start the task of saying goodbye to all of our family members which usually takes an extra twenty minutes. My cousin reminds me of another party in two weeks for her sister's twin girls and in agreement, I know that I need to be there. Our jaunt across the bay is short as my daughter and I converse about Mark, a long time grade school friend of my cousin Moke and now a single father who has frequented these parties since his teens, who has now taken a liking to my daughter and from what she said, wants to ask me if he could see my daughter. Sounds so old country Filipino, doesn't it? I told my daughter, who doesn't have an interest in him, he's going to have to go through the proper channels, my Aunty Joyce.

Nick's Rockaway Beach

in Pacifica is where I met my co-workers and friends, Janice (hottie momma) and expecting another baby girl any day now and Marielena. It was a grey afternoon with high tide warnings near the coast this weekend. People were already at the coast-side watching the waves converge upon the boulders against the railing at the MoonRakers. The famous Mavericks surf contest is being held tomorrow http://www.myspace.com/mavsurfer1 . Due to the environmental impact that the large crowd will have on the coast line, they are asking everyone NOT to be there if they can help it and go to other viewing spots such as AT&T park. But like the curious species that we are and our pure love of the ocean, hundreds of us will be descending on the tiny little town in Half Moon Bay for the event.
Lunch with my girlfriends was a raucous. Janice who swears every other sentence is a wonderful story teller of her life, family and "don't take no bull-crap" attitude where Marielena is more demure in character. Stories of life at the airport with passengers and other co-workers seemed to be preparing me for my own re-entry back to the front lines after my four month hiatus due to my rheumatoid arthritis. Speaking of re-entry, I finally got an email from my HR that I am cleared to go back to full active duty starting next week. I was so elated to hear that news, I called Lynn first to let her know and my best boyfriend, Darrell. With a wonderful lunch, happy news to share and a great friends, I look forward to my future. Ask me this question next week after my first day back to work, it may be different!

A day of nothing

or was it? With a week filled with activities and having completed tasks on my to do list, I am still wearing my robe and slippers listening to "How to Organize your life & get rid of clutter" on my laptop on loan to me from Lynn. It is a very good 4 CD wealth of information on getting my clutter bug life organized and in the hopes of ridding myself of my "piles" of paper stuff. Throughout my day, I have filled with sleep, making a vegetable soup in my crock pot, I thought about going to the bank but can save that for tomorrow, answering emails and phone calls. I start work next week and have been savoring my last days of bliss before going back to a full intended work schedule as I hope to pick up plenty of hours, overtime included, to help me get back on track to my financial outlook and staying healthy. Being off from work for four months is foreign to me as I have never missed a day of work for the past eleven years. Eleven years of perfect attendance and being on time to work. For what? Lynn says my epitaph will read: "Here lies Lani with perfect attendance BUT no Ford Explorer!" (Smiling)