Before Humira

I was a complete mess of human less flesh. The pain was excruciating and my body was not mine. It felt alien and unknown to me. My joints were very hard to control let alone involve movement of any kind. Flareups? What the hell is that? In the dictionary the meaning: to start up or burst out in sudden, fierce activity or passion. This definitely was not passion! My immune system was on an all out assault throughout my body. I was not ready for this type of vicious attack. My diagnosis floored me. What? Where? How? Why me? In the end, all of this points to, "No Cure"! I think I've said this a time or two but only as a reminder to myself. I've signed on to a research company in San Francisco as a participant of RA and in the hope of them finding a cure for this terrible disease. So far, all of my medications have been working for me. As I look back to the time without Humira and where I was, it was a dark time for me. I was going through quite a bit of depression, but there was so much for me to do to keep my mind off of what I was feeling that there was no time for me to sit back and feel sorry for myself. I had a family to be in charge of, an unfinished kitchen remodel, employers that I had to work for and bills to pay. There was just too much to do and I was not going to let this disease hamper me in any way. I put my life in the hands of a world renown Rheumatologist and whatever he said to take as far as medications, I took. So far, his advice of resting, medication and monitoring are working. I am back to a full work schedule, my kitchen is finished and my family and friends still loves me. I am in a better state of mind and a much peaceful place of body.

Delayed

out of Las Vegas due to San Francisco weather. My flight on US AIR was running about an hour and a half behind schedule. I was truly hoping it would not be delayed any further as I have a rescheduled RA appointment at 4:00pm. As a standby employee, I was cleared immediately by the nice male gate agent who gave me an aisle seat close to the front of the aircraft. With another SFO flight that was scheduled and now delayed, the agent working that one started piling passengers onto my flight which was now going to be very full. Needless to say, I made it. While waiting in the boarding area, I noticed "Dog, the bounty hunter", from Hawaii sitting at the slot machine area being closely watched by his co-worker/body guard. In a few seconds, his wife Beth showed up by his side and you can't miss her! I tried to dish out my camera from my bag but they were gone at the sound of the 1st class boarding announcement for Phoenix. That would have been a sweet picture.
My flight home was a little turbulent as we landed in raining San Francisco a little after 2:00pm. I drove home to check up on my son and the house and let Lynn know that I landed safely.
I had not seen my RAtologist since December when I started my Humira injections. In between that time, I have taken a few blood tests at the lab and so far, he is very pleased at where my marks are. My SED rate when I first started in August was over 100 when my Primary doctor diagnosed me. My RA, one week later pegged it at 96. Today, he stated it was at 32. He lowered my Prednisone from one and half tablet to one only. I'm still taking one folic acid and one multi-vitamin daily. 4 tablets of Methotrexate is still taken weekly. He was also very pleased to hear that I have not taken any Aleve or Motrin for pain. I would really rather feel the pain than NOT to feel any pain. How else can I identify if my body is hurting? My visits with him will be twice a year and hopefully down to once a year unless anything significant happens between now and then. I'll still be coming in monthly for more expanded blood tests which he will CC to my primary doctor. I am very happy that he's happy. I feel wonderful right now and very pleased with the results of my medication. Sure, I've gained a bit of weight versus the pain but to keep myself in check and back to normal, it's worth a little weight gain.

Army Commissioning

today and it was a joyous occasion celebrated by Gail's family including her father who is a 2-Star Sargent General and her sister, a 2nd lieutenant in the US Army. Her proud father was the commissioning officer swearing her into duty. Numerous friends and family were on hand to help celebrate. While the rain let up for a few hours, we were able to hang out on the deck to enjoy some much needed fresh air. Inside, Gail stumbled through a few lines due to her nervousness but she recovered with flying colors. Gail's sweetheart, Ramona, was there to make sure the party ran smoothly and towards the end of it all, she was ready to collapse. Proudly Ramona stood watching Gail get "pinned" by her father and mother. Ramona was also in her detective uniform blues and looking just as handsome as Gail. With the festivities coming to an end, Lynn and I departed and drove toward San Francisco's Chinatown looking for a Chinese style blouse for Lynn's fundraising event in February. After some years working in the Pier 39 area, I am very familiar with the streets of San Francisco and Lynn found her blouse on the first shop we stopped at. It was a beautiful magenta color with gold accents and she received a very good price on it. We had tea and some appetizers at a local eatery. The staff were wonderfully nice and the delectable food arrived sizzling hot to the table. We walked through Chinatown park where the older Asians were playing mah-jong while the children stayed busy at the playground. Making our way home amidst the traffic, we were finally glad to sit still after being out all day. Lynn's daughter, Camden, stayed home from the Lake Tahoe trip and occupied herself with projects throughout the night. I read one of Lynn's book on Autism by Daniel Tammet called "Born on a blue day" and finished it within several hours. I found it to be a very good read.
Midnight arrived too soon for Lynn and I as we watched T.V. and enjoyed the closeness of being together in her bed instead of restricted to our sixty minute hot tub time. With no time limit attached to our nocturnal frolics, we were free to explore again, our boundless love. Our lovemaking is always beautiful if not fiery. Our fervent desire for one another, passionate kisses and sultry dance of the flesh igniting our emotions from deep within our souls. Breaths steamy, fierce and vivid stirring our primal urges, fighting to let go, to be free. Sounds in the night calling my name, calling her name. She, whispering her commands as I instantly carry out her directives. Our mouths find each other as our tongues surrender control and our hands interlocked, tightly, overhead and the other hand is left to explore, search and recover treasures of untold desires. The atmosphere is warming as her essence rises to fine me waiting, wanting and lusting. I find myself lapping at her effusion, her elixir, drunk as she retreats into my spirit. Our energies quieted, tranquil and serene, we lay next to each other in bliss as the darkness gives way to light. We hold each other for a time and drift off to sleep.

Ouch!!

I self injected myself with my second dose of Humira. The first one was in December in the presence of a nurse at my doctor's office. It is entirely different having a nurse eyeball you and injecting yourself on your own with this type of pen needle device. It took me approximately one hour to talk myself into the procedure. Yes, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to needles. I don't freak out, I just don't like them. I'm hoping that this would be more effortless in the future and I'll be more tolerant of my feat. I did more lab work today and gave blood to my RAtologist. I'll see him again next month unless there are any drastic changes in my symptoms.
Lynn and I tried to see a movie, The Enchanted, last night but it was not playing at the Theatre we chose to meet. Instead, we went to Bair Island's Waterfront restaurant in Redwood City and had dinner there. It is a charming place on the water with huge bay windows offering views of the marina. I'm sure the view is spectacular during the day and just as crowded. We enjoyed the quietness of the atmosphere. Our candle lit table by the water was equally romantic and we hadn't even planned this. It was a nice unexpected surprise. Our conversation was about activities during the day and what we each had planned for the upcoming weekend. We did want to go to Respect (a monthly woman's club in San Francisco) next weekend. After dinner, we strolled around the marina and walked along the docks where the beautiful yachts and catamarans were moored. Conversation flowing and stolen kisses, walking arm in arm and being close to one another was all that mattered and what felt right at that moment. The night was fading and not wanting to leave each other, we babbled on as if we were on our first date. Finally, the arduous task of saying goodnight or goodbye is always the most difficult. It is here that we disconnect, divide, sever, disunite and tear. All of which we have done a thousand times before, each and every time, our most heartsick consequence.

Reno Bus

I did not sleep very well last night in anticipation of my early morning departure from San Francisco's Chinatown to Reno via a charter bus. Since my wanderlust has been getting the better of me, I googled Reno bus tours last night and found a company that I did not know a thing about and booked myself on a round trip ticket to Reno for $30.00 in conjunction with Harrah's Casino. For $30.00, I would get $20.00 in Casino chips and a $7.00 food voucher good at three of their restaurants. If you don't buy in, you are charged $5.00 extra. I bought in with the intent on upgrading my Platinum to a Diamond Status with Harrah's as I was less than 500 points short of the coveted and elusive achievement.
As an uninitiated casino player on my first bus trip, a few of the passengers were very accommodating in helping me to secure a seat on the bus. Previously the night before, I had the printed out the Eticket but had another step to complete the day of departure and that was to visit the Harrah's office to process my check in. The facility, if you can call it that, was a tiny hole in the wall office that resembled a travel agency. As I requested for a window seat, I had visions of seeing white powdery snow that I had not seen for 20 plus years. Kari completed my check-in and with the proper documents now in hand, I was off and running to my seat. Excited and elated, I thanked Cyndi, a regular and the bus driver for directing me to the precise source of access. With everyone accounted for, we had one more pickup to make in Oakland and we're on our way. The smooth drive going through a mist shrouded Sacramento was uneventful as we stopped in Auburn for a 15 minute break at a McDonald's. This was a good time to gather extra toilet paper because the bus did not have any in the restroom on board. Not too long after we journeyed past the city of Auburn, the landscape began to change from it's formidable brown and dry summer colors to a tree topped snow white winter wonderland. The Nevada mountain range was scenic and majestic dressed in white as she came out to play. Snow covered rock formations and icy streams made the perfect postcard as the snow flurries hastened it's delivery upon tree branches heavily laden with old snow. For every bend and turn created new winter scenes like a movie camera producing an intimate slide show of nature for me. Awake and alive, I am in admiration and wonderment of the breathtaking artistry before me. The quiet chatter of the bus became silent as we motored through the exquisiteness of this alluring sight. Soon we arrived at our destination and one by one, like lemmings, we all single filed our way into the casino to collect our vouchers, casino chips and monies. It wasn't too long before I found my machine, in fact, four of us from the bus played on the "Wheel of fortune" dollar slot machine. Approximately two hours into playing, each of us had hit the 1000 on the wheel from the spin button. A growing crowd cheered us on and we dared not leave our seats. Another thirty minutes had past, again at different times, the four of us hit the elusive 1000! I called it quits and cashed out. We were all up at least $2000.00 and I had made my 400 some odd points to attain a Diamond Player status. I was elated! I felt the need for a good soak and proceeded to the spa. For a few dollars, I enjoyed a relaxing jacuzzi, sauna, steam or massage (extra). The jacuzzi is a welcome respite for my RA as I melted into the confines and blissfully content wishing that Lynn was here to enjoy this with me. With brief calls to her throughout my day as I summarize what my time has been like at Harrah's, she acquaints me with her story of how she met her hubby while they both worked at Harrah's 20 plus years ago.
Profound love during that time as it was with my ex husband. Now to come full circle to be resting on the other side of a woman, also profound love.
It was nearing the time of my departure as I had a few more tasks to complete. I received my new Diamond Card, cashed out my $2000.00 and cashed in my food voucher for a won ton veggie soup to go. My bus promptly arrived at 6:15pm and we were all on board and departed on time at 6:30pm. As we drove through a dark Nevada region, the beautiful white trees by day were now a silhouette of ominous and menacing shadows by night. After feasting on my soup and char siu bun, the quietness of the drive lulled me to sleep only to awaken a few hours later to the sudden stop of traffic as the bus lurched and pitched. With a quick drop off in Oakland, we soon reached San Francisco's Chinatown thirty minutes earlier than anticipated. My goodbye's were quick as the cold nipped at me and soon my thoughts of the Nevada snow-scape visited me as I continued my drive home.

Birthday Celebrations

I was invited to an ex co-worker son's birthday party today at a neighborhood park. Thank goodness the weather was co-operating as it turned out to be a wonderful day. I picked up my friend's son, Maurice, to come along and enjoy the day plus give his gramma Diane, a break. I saw many of my co-workers who have been wondering about me and didn't know why I left work suddenly. I explained to them that I have rheumatoid arthritis and my doctor stated that I could not lift more than 10 pounds and to rest. My employers require that I be able to lift 70 pounds and because of this requirement, they had to send me on a family leave until my doctor could write me back into my duties. I've been off of work for two months and have been busier than ever. I don't miss work at all, I do miss my co-workers and the money I used to make picking up hours and overtime. Sick time hours just don't cut it! It was good to see everyone and let them see that I was alright. There was lots of food as usual. You know, the good Filipino kind, rice, pancit, lumpia, teriyaki chicken and beef, short ribs, lihimoi pineapple and mac salad. Yummy! All of a sudden, some of the kids came to me and said Maurice was on the tanbark ground crying. I immediately went over to see what happened. He was balled up and holding his head and too upset or embarrassed to talk. I asked the other kids who witnessed what happened and they said that he was running underneath a play structure and hit his head on the wooden walkway just above his head. I made sure that there was no open wound or blood coming from his head. Except for his crying, he seemed OK but definitely embarrassed. All in all, it was a great party, lots of kids, good friends and awesome food. After the party, "D" and I went over to Mama Diane's to drop off Maurice. We sat a spell and visited with mama. "D" ate again since he only nibbled at the party. I packed a "to go" plate for mama and she's always happy when food is brought home. That means she doesn't have to cook. We said our goodbye's and made our way into the beautiful city of San Francisco.

It is D's birthday today and we are going to play tourist. We took my truck "big Betty" into the city and started off with a nice little trip down Lombard's "crookedest street in the world". I took my time and "D" was like a little kid in a candy store admiring all of the beautiful homes and gardens on that street. It was night time and fairly lit but the view of this place is more glorious in the day time. From there we landed at Fisherman's Wharf and the parking goddess was with me in offering a great parking place one block away from the Powell/Hyde street cable car pickup. "D" has never been on a cable car before and this was his first time in all of this 13 years in California. We met Thomas, the brakeman, who let us stay toward the rear of the cable car as he worked the lead in maneuvering the noisy metal horse. We watched the hills get steeper as we climbed towards the fog shrouded peak only to make our way back down through small neighborhoods and hairpin turns. "D" shrieked with glee as his inner child brought forth a smile so bright, we could have been mistaken for a beacon on Nob Hill. The cable car let us out at Union Square and we said our goodbye's to Thomas. We were on a mission in search of libations to quench our thirst. We walked around Union Square and watch them put lights on the 40 maybe 50 foot Christmas tree. Macy's had their story book themed windows aglow as people nuzzled up to the glass to get a closer look. Couples walking, kids running, men in groups, women in groups and the homeless were all looking for a place to be. We wandered into the Hyatt Union Square and found a nice lounge on the 36th floor. Aldo, our host and server, seated us in a nice table but we managed to acquire a table next to the window as another couple left. Because we were on the 36th floor and at night, probably on a good night, we were not able to see the beautiful lights downtown San Francisco. We were shrouded in clouds and fog. It seemed pretty erie being up this high. The drinks were strong, appetizers were tasty and the atmosphere was casual. We had a wonderful pianist that serenaded the lounge goers and he played a variety of tunes. As the night started to fade, we had to catch the last cable car back to Fisherman's wharf lest we take the $50 taxi ride back. This time we sat down and enjoyed our ride back, again, admiring the elegant condos and beautiful Victorian homes along the way. It was an easy walk back to the truck and headed for home.

A dance club for women

After the wedding yesterday, Lynn and I enjoyed a nice dinner out, then came home to watch cable T.V. That was the highlight of our evening. When you get to be our age, sure we love making love but we love our sleep more! It's nice waking up with your loved one by your side, greeting each other in the morning with a kiss and a smile. Warm touches, legs draped over each other wondering who's going to make coffee first. Actually it was a trade off, she made coffee while I fixed breakfast. We planned our day with church at 12:30pm in San Mateo at the MCC. A wonderful and very accepting church for all denominations, nationalities gay or straight. We've visited this church a few times and each time like today, there are more and more members. More singing and reading from the bible, I'm pretty much "churched out" and ready to dance. Lynn and I go back to my house for some lunch and rest up before going to our usual once a month woman's club in San Francisco called RESPECT. Operated and DJ'd by our good friend Page Hodel, it's our thing to do when we are able. It's a great place to hang out every second Sunday of every month for woman of all ages. Because they serve alcohol, you have to be 21 years and older. With it's sexy red velvet interior decor, chandelier drop lights and booth style seating, it's a fun place to go, meet your women friends and dance to music from rap, 80's, 90's and requests. RESPECT does not serve food but there is a great pizza place next door. Drinks are very pricey and your best bet is the beer at about $4.00 a bottle. There is a $10.00 cover charge and the club opens from 4:00pm-12:00am with in and out privileges. Next month is RESPECT's 7th Anniversary, so be sure to get there early as booth seating does fill up and can be standing room only.

Wonderful day for a lesbian wedding

What a dreary day for a wedding, fog and rain was in the forecast. Women love this stuff. Like walking on the beach. Lynn and I started out for the church early because she had to be there for sound checks and rehearsal with Reiko, the organ/pianist extraordinaire. There were a few church staff and helpers setting up for the wedding. Lynn and Reiko practiced while I took some pictures of the beautifully artistic stain glass windows within the church. Lynn sounded wonderful in spite of her stirrings of a cold and Reiko was, can we say monsterly awesome with her wickedly quick fingers tickling the ivories! She can tickle me anytime. The bridal tribe arrived by motorized cable car to the church early to take pictures. The women were visions of beauty dressed in their dark satin purple dresses and the men were dressed in nice black suits and white collared shirts with converse tennis shoes making up the rest of their wardrobe. Everyone seemed to by going over their idiosyncrasies to make this a wonderful wedding. The church was all abuzz with chatter, laughter and joy. The pastor prepared for her first ever wedding, gay or straight. Guests started arriving in spite of the rain. The wedding couple showed up late at 4:30pm for a 4:00pm wedding start as stated on their invitations. Reiko, was getting a little unnerved and luckily she had enough sheet music to survive the half hour tardiness of the brides. Finally, they arrive and all is quiet as Angella, looking beautiful in her virgin white gown with purple down her backside draped train, walked down the aisle first. As she waited patiently for her wife to be to walk in after her, you could see the nervousness and fatigue melt from her visage only to be replaced by adulation and the loving glow of beauty as her soon to be wife walked in. Near tears from both woman as they gazed upon each other and held hands, hands that would bond them from here to eternity. This was a Catholic mass complete with Lynn as the Cantor, a woman pastor and all the details of what a Catholic wedding is. For nearly an hour, we stood up, sat down, said our "praise be to god", listened to beautiful Lynn sing while Reiko played and the Pastor laying her hand of god upon the loving couple as they listened intently. It wasn't until this point that the couple settled down and paid attention because this would be the point that seals them as wife and wife. Those were the words they waited for, "you may now kiss your bride". A thundering applause by the audience, tears of happiness from the couple and the soft sound of the rain, a thousand kisses from god.