Fatigue

sets in as my long enduring hours of standing and constant work keeps my body from getting it's proper rest. I am right back to my old self again working tremendous hours a day for somewhat low wages and I cannot afford to do part-time work. In order to maintain my mortgage, bills and credit cards, I have to work maniac hours. By the time that I finish my work shift in the morning, I am completely exhausted by the time I get home. I have little time to nibble on something to eat before falling effortlessly to the comfort of my flannel sheets and firmness of my bed only to wake up at eleven in the evening in time to catch the news. I had a few tasks to do today but was too tired to complete any of them, one of which was to go to the bank and transfer some money which I will have to do tomorrow and to get a lab checkup for my primary on my glucose levels to test for diabetes which is an annual thing for me due to that it runs in my family. I want to try to prevent any diseases that my parents had and keep myself in check so that I can live a long comfortable life. Basically, whatever tests that I can afford under my insurance, I want it done.
I talked to Lynn on the phone and our conversations have been somewhat short due to our work schedules and family time. But we always manage to get a few moments in. She was a little upset tonight because Greg wants her to go to Hawaii with his mother, daughter and him for a family reunion. Lynn is not at all convinced that she is invited to go by her mother-in-law but at Greg's insistence. It would also be around the time that her daughter Camden would be coming home from London and we would be going there to escort her back which he seems to have forgotten. I told her that it sounds a little "fishy" to me since he initially wanted his "girlfriend" Pam to come up with her grandson in the summer to stay and visit which Lynn is "dead set" against because of her manipulating tendencies and destructiveness of self with no concerns of anyone but her own. I have met the woman and my take on her is completely opposite of what I would imagine Greg with as a partner. Her physique is slender and petite with short sandy brown hair with blonde highlights. She seems very fragile and shaken. I would not be attracted to her in the least if she were an eligible lesbian woman. Their talks will continue and I will lend my ear for listening and trying very hard not to be critical of what developes.

Delayed

out of Las Vegas due to San Francisco weather. My flight on US AIR was running about an hour and a half behind schedule. I was truly hoping it would not be delayed any further as I have a rescheduled RA appointment at 4:00pm. As a standby employee, I was cleared immediately by the nice male gate agent who gave me an aisle seat close to the front of the aircraft. With another SFO flight that was scheduled and now delayed, the agent working that one started piling passengers onto my flight which was now going to be very full. Needless to say, I made it. While waiting in the boarding area, I noticed "Dog, the bounty hunter", from Hawaii sitting at the slot machine area being closely watched by his co-worker/body guard. In a few seconds, his wife Beth showed up by his side and you can't miss her! I tried to dish out my camera from my bag but they were gone at the sound of the 1st class boarding announcement for Phoenix. That would have been a sweet picture.
My flight home was a little turbulent as we landed in raining San Francisco a little after 2:00pm. I drove home to check up on my son and the house and let Lynn know that I landed safely.
I had not seen my RAtologist since December when I started my Humira injections. In between that time, I have taken a few blood tests at the lab and so far, he is very pleased at where my marks are. My SED rate when I first started in August was over 100 when my Primary doctor diagnosed me. My RA, one week later pegged it at 96. Today, he stated it was at 32. He lowered my Prednisone from one and half tablet to one only. I'm still taking one folic acid and one multi-vitamin daily. 4 tablets of Methotrexate is still taken weekly. He was also very pleased to hear that I have not taken any Aleve or Motrin for pain. I would really rather feel the pain than NOT to feel any pain. How else can I identify if my body is hurting? My visits with him will be twice a year and hopefully down to once a year unless anything significant happens between now and then. I'll still be coming in monthly for more expanded blood tests which he will CC to my primary doctor. I am very happy that he's happy. I feel wonderful right now and very pleased with the results of my medication. Sure, I've gained a bit of weight versus the pain but to keep myself in check and back to normal, it's worth a little weight gain.

Another work day

and I'm back in the groove again. Slowly my co-worker and friends find out that I have returned to work, very glad to see that I am feeling well. It seems that I am not the only one that they know who has rheumatoid arthritis, there are countless others and they all offer suggestions on how to cure myself from eating the marrow from a cook beef bone to juices from exotic berries. From what I have read, my disease is treatable and manageable but incurable. It is a lifetime of chronic pain and if left on it's own without the proper medication, it can be unkind and horrific to the human body. For now, this medication will have to do and I'm trusting that the medical field will find a cure for this disease as well as many others out there.
Work was very demanding tonight, passengers are carrying everything on board with them and it is wearisome on our part be the bad guys to always take their carry on away from them due to lack of overhead space in our bins.
Flights were arriving late due to East Coast weather making our outbound flights delayed as well. Passengers want to hear what was the reason for the delay and no matter what we tell them, they always have opinions of their own. I stayed for forty five minutes of overtime and am looking for more, where ever I can get it. Because I am vacation relief, I will be bidding again for February and have chosen to go mornings but no too early of a shift. That way I can pick up hours at night and on my days off and still have the flexibility of controlling what I want. Tomorrow, I plan on starting a walking regimen and going to my local track and field for laps. I have missed exercise in my life for many years and need to put that back into the start of my day. Morning arrives too quickly when your scheduled off this late at night.

Counting the days

of when I will be back at work which will be January 16th. It has been nearly four months since I was working last and my longest leave of any type. All of this due to my rheumatoid arthritis and the medications that I need in order to stay well and in good health. I was very much a workaholic during my past work era and would work 16-18 hour days without any rest and only napping when there was time. Exhaustion and no rest is probably what opened me up to letting my immune system down and thus my developing this type of arthritis. Tomorrow I will meet with my primary doctor and receive the results of last weeks pelvic sonogram. I am a little anxious on what she will tell me and I only hope that it is good news.
Speaking of appointments, I will be attending a counseling session with Lynn on Wednesday. We will be attending as a couple in need of understanding an "approval addiction" that Lynn has. It is an addiction that has spanned back to her childhood and that of her abusive mother. Lynn cannot come to terms with loving herself and those very close to her heart and has chosen inappropriate ways to express her need for approval. One of which she has hurt me with and I have forgiven her when she explained this addiction to me. Through counseling, I will hope to understand how and why Lynn does these things. Strengthening our fragile bond that has almost been torn knowing full well how much I love her and she of me.

Appointments this week

Yesterday the contract electrician for PG&E came by to change and ground the electrical outlet and brought it up to code to a GFI outlet. My daughter's kitchen downstairs will be receiving a brand new refrigerator courtesy of the PG&E weatherization program. The Energy Partners Program provides qualified low-income customers free weatherization measures and energy-efficient appliances to reduce gas and electricity usage. There are guidelines for qualifications . http://www.pge.com/res/financial_assistance/energy_partners/index.html She will be getting two doors, one exterior door leading to the backyard and one door leading to the garage. Those are in dire need of replacement. I will be getting a replacement window for my son's room and two doors, one leading to the backyard and one leading from the upstairs to downstairs. They will also be doing some caulking and weather stripping of the doors to prevent drafts from coming and going. It's a wonderful program for California residents that are at a disadvantage.
Tomorrow, I have a dental appointment for cleaning and checkup and on Wednesday is my RAtologist appointment for my next phase of medication.
Ever since the lowering of my prednisone, my "rhummy" has been giving me a lot of pain in my right hand, especially at the middle finger joint. Sometimes I can't even bend it or many times it favors the curled position. I took my blood test last week and he should have the results by now for this week. Today, my ankle is a little swollen and causing me to limp a bit. By the time the afternoon comes around, my body is fully "awake" and moving better. What a way to live! To have something like RA cause you to slow down and dictate your life to it's very essence. It is just unimaginable. I lead a very active lifestyle and slowing down to zero and in pain, I've taken a step back and can't dwell on what caused this vicious disease to enter my once healthy body. I can only put my trust in my RAtologist, take my meds, eat healthier and forge on with my life at a slower pace.

My son the Chef

Last night I had my 14 year old son help me make meatloaf. We took 5 pounds of ground turkey and mixed it with eggs, bread, seasoning and some catsup. I had him mix all of that together, since my RA was acting up and my fingers weren't being too cooperative, mold it and placed it into a pan and put it in the oven for about an 1 hours and 30 minutes. After letting the meatloaf rest, we sat down to a great dinner. The meatloaf turned out fantastic, almost better than grammas! It was moist, tender and well seasoned. Add some turkey gravy, mashed potatoes and veggies and that's dinner. He was very proud of himself for making such a tasty entree and we gave him unending compliments because it was really good.
I met Lynn for lunch today so that I could collect a "white elephant" gift that she was saving for me and I exchanged a 3 CD package of nursery songs that I was saving for her. Lunch was at a place in San Mateo called Wing Fat. It's a hole in the wall just on the corner of 3rd Ave and their lunch menu is great and very inexpensive. I had the chicken curry and vegetables over rice with hot and sour soup. Lynn had the chicken and snow peas with hot and sour soup. She looked a little tired from her night because had gone to sleep early. Then her daughter and husband were talking in a bedroom adjacent to hers and woke her up at 1am. She quietly told them to whisper or talk at the other end of the house. Then at 2am, her dog woke her up and needed to be let out to the garden. Then to wake back up at 7am and get ready for work, she was tired and I could see the tiredness as we ate lunch. With gifts exchanged for white elephant and her needing to go back to work and my needing to go to the lab and get my blood work done, we were off and running. I have a standing order at the lab for tests and need to come in every month. Next week is my doctor appointment with my RAtologist and I'm hoping everything will go well into the next phase of my medication.

Walking on glass

and ready to leave her employers. That's how Carmen feels at work right now. I drove her to work this morning again since I have nothing better to do at 4AM! We talked about her vacation week and how fast it went. During this time, she seeked out a lawyer at Glide Memorial church in San Francisco to aid her in getting her car back. She seemed very positive that the outcome of the meeting was what she was looking for. Hopefully, she will hear back from them next week Monday. In the meantime, she still has to take public transportation to and from work and gets relief from her friends with vehicles. She is still uneasy about her work and how a failed audit might be her downfall. Carmen has back up plans just in case she is laid off or worse, fired. Her 401k might be able to help her out for a short time and she's keeping her avenues open for an offer. The ride coming back home is always long, it's about a 40 minute drive back to my house and I use my cruise control on the return leg.
I finally got done with my 401k paperwork and mailed it out. We'll see what kind of relief they'll be able to give me. This weekend will be my final task of getting my information out to Sarah, my loan gal to see if refinancing will be possible for me in the wake of the "Californacation" crisis in the sub prime loan areas. Lynn called instead of texting, she misses talking to me and because of her reductions of minutes, she has to watch it or else her cell phone bill will match that of her paycheck. Lying on her bed at home is where she is. It's been a long week for her after dealing with a co-teacher who seems utterly useless in her classroom, noisy kids and choral rehearsal. I get tired just talking to her about her day. Next weekend starts her winter concert season with a well known women's chorus on the Peninsula. I'll be going to a holiday party where the theme will be a white elephant gift. My friend Marilee will be flying in from Atlanta that weekend too so it will be hellishly busy. Sometime next week, I will be driving up to Sacramento to see my other daughter Pua who is at the Crest wood center for the mentally challenged. She was diagnosed at 16 with schizophrenia and depression and is now on medication and is currently her best advocate. Her case worker is an idiot male who seems to have no time for her and it oblivious to her needs as a young person. She is a wonderful poet and her pencil art is beautiful. Her writings are morbid thoughts about her voices, people that have done her wrong and death. For one so young, she welcomes death and I imagine that it's not too far behind her.