Finally

relief from mother nature's gusty winds and constant rains in San Francisco. I'm not complaining and i certainly express deep sympathy for my sisters in other parts of the country as well as the world with this incessant weather we've been experiencing. Most of what I do is hunker down, read books and make the best of the situation. My rheumatoid arthritis has not given me any problems since the start of my Humira injections. It has been one week since the lowering of my prednisone (5 MG) down to one and a half tablets daily, one folic acid (1 MG) and one multi-vitamin daily. My (10 MG) tablets of methotrexate is still taken every week on Wednesday, all of which I have faithfully taken and not missed for fear of my stiffening joints coming back to haunt me. The weather certainly doesn't play any part in it's affect on my joints as I so often hear from other sufferers. I sometimes feel a fullness in my hand joints when I curl my fingers and I look for tell tale signs of nodules and deformities as my fingers stand at attention under my inspection. I am afraid of the medications in my ample embodiment of woman and I disengage from the thoughts of what the future holds for me. Four months ago, I was a wretch from my tormenting pain and surprised by the suddenness of it all. A misery I would not wish upon anyone and executed a disguise of my endurance. This disease was altering me so aggressively, that I was not recognizable to myself anymore. Where was that sturdy, vigorous, take-charge woman that I knew? The agony was excruciating. The loneliness was more inviting, yet, lacerating and extracted me from the human race. My advantage was my family and friends who kept in touch with me often with their talk of others with my affliction. Lynn and her ever present spirit and communication, tho sometimes challenging, would be the hand on my heart to uphold and guide me through inharmonious moments in my life.

Learning to give

A few hours away from 2008, our New Year, my memories slip away to remembering what I have accomplished this past year. It does not seem grand by all means but more of a compassion that comes from deep within my heart. Without realizing it, I have been very generous and considerate to my friends and family due in part to my parents who have always been that way with my siblings and I. Their bounteous and unending source of goodwill and love have spilled over into my life making me the benefactor of their spirit. Definitely not in any monetary way but more so in lending a helping hand where I was needed. Because of my unselfish nature, Lynn will sometimes tell me, "You can say no". With my thought waves electrically connected to my heart while tugging the strings hidden beneath my face emitted a quizzical look, Can I say no? If it is within the realm of possible, I will kindly do what I can to help complete the task at hand. Often, I have received unexpected and sometimes overwhelming surprises and gifts from my co-workers, friends and family. I am very thankful to the point of absolute tears and it is at those unexpected times where I truly think that this my purpose on this earth. To give of myself so completely, without thinking, to their aid. If the world were this way, we would all be a much better earth, planet, society and human race.

Reflecting

on my past events for the month of December. I can truly say that it has been an eventful month strewn with drama, love, loss, laughter, tears, goodwill and reconciliations. My life amazes me continuously and miraculously. It has been nothing short of exhilarating and I look forward to what 2008 and where she will guide me. I am hoping that she keeps beckoning me to learn of my life's journey openly and that she will be kind as always in her endeavor to faithfully watch over my spirit, cleanse my soul, renew my hope and love honestly. That is what I hope to carry forth into the New Year.

I'm in love

with your angelic voice
the power that is you
your spirit, your choice

letting me in
your most inner thought
so fragile, ashamed
weary and wrought

with my arms around you
as our journey begins
secrets unfold
as we stamp out these sins

together, you and I
spirit as one
we will get through this
from you I will not run

communication and honesty
that is all I ask
no more hiding
no more mask

your journey will be difficult
by your side, I will be
patient and understanding
you are all, I see

With God's mighty hand
from up above
my heart to yours
I'm in love

So glad it's Friday

and this is my weekend with Lynn...finally! She has one more concert this Sunday at the Mission in Santa Clara. After that concert, she is all mine! We're getting a hotel for Saturday and Sunday that is near the Mission and she won't have to do a cross country jaunt back and forth to her concert. It has been since that bridezilla wedding we spent the weekend together in October. Up until now, that's much too long to be without each other and we make due seeing each other during the week when our schedules allow. It is our time together to rejoice, engage, recharge, rekindle and love. Nothing matters but our two spirits becoming one, entwined and interwoven, our lives fusing together if but for a night....a beautiful night of loving.

Santa bell ringers

are out in full force. I visited Pak-n-Save this morning to do some grocery shopping and just before leaving the store, I heard the familiar ringing bell. {Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring } There she was, giving everyone that passed her whether they gave money or not, an upbeat cheer or spirited salutation with a warm, genuine smile. As I put a few dollars in the trade mark tin, I noticed she was a little older, had the Santa hat on and sported the red apron, looking like Santa's elf. What really attracted me to her was her joyousness at being out there and collecting contributions on a cold and dreary, rainy day. As I put my groceries into the back of my truck, I overheard her talking to herself saying, "Thank you for Christmas, thank you for this day". She was in a state of constant joy and very comfortable with herself. At that moment, I envied her for volunteering her time, her spirit and pure joy in helping and being thankful. If I think that I'm at my lowest point, I think about others that are less fortunate that I am. I am very thankful for this day.