Happy Mother's Day

as I spend a nice quiet weekend at my favorite Las Vegas Hotel, The Rio. The thought about spending three days alone and by myself is selfish but much needed in my family life of chaos and work. Three days without someone by my side to talk to or have lunch with or to lay out by the pool is selfish, but how many of us can say that or have that kind of time or would want to purposely venture on alone? Not many and yet many of us do. I am connected with my laptop and cell phone yet the urge and necessity for human contact is first and foremost. I regal in my solitude and still feel the pang of loneliness but the thought of my flying back home to unorganized chaos is overwhelming and I sit back in the comfort of my lounge chair in the warmth of the sun hearing sounds of the waterfalls and children playing in the background. My son's birthday is today as he turns 15 years old. A handsome young man, dark features, clean cut, tall, lanky and built, obvious from his workout with free weights. His voice deeper as he ages, is my heart and soul. I wonder about his future and hope that he has the strength to carry him though his life journey of human trial and tribulations. I hope that I am a good enough role model for him as his mother and sometimes father. As I drift off to sleep, I think good thoughts and try not to worry about the negatives in my life and focus more on the positive. I thank God that I am able to rise up from my bed in the morning, to open my eyes and take a deep breath and put my two feet on the floor to stand up and take the first steps in my day. I am very thankful for that.

Finality

of it all. I am here in Las Vegas having attended a funeral of a co-worker that I worked with many years ago during my early years. He passed away from a heart attack and left a wife and adult children. Many nice things were said about him and every one of them true. The collage made by his family showed his life and loves. His true age did not show being only 71 years young. As I watched him being lowered into the cement ground vault brought me back to my own father's burial almost nine years ago in the same place of interment, the Veteran's Cemetery located in Boulder City. It was eerie and sad. My own sadness and loss of a parent is hard. It is still nine years later and I foster that void in a part of my heart, a missing link. The final closing of the cement lid and the empty sound that it makes in the breeze of the wind. The harshness of this dessert region combined with the living and the dead is a reality check of how fragile my life is. How life is given and how life is taken, in the blink of an eye, the sighing of a last breath and the light that leads you from now to forever. Surely, If I were to be taken now, I would have so much unfinished business that I don't want to leave my family members without resolving much of it. I would so miss life, the breaths, the joy and my friends and family. What will they think when I can't say goodbye? If I love them with all of my heart and show them, then there is no need to say goodbye

First

full day off from work and I'm revelling in the peace and quiet. I'm sitting here at the laundromat drying my clothes and piggybacking off of a restaurant wireless Internet which I can always count on. I'm slowing down on my postings due to my work schedule and I'm just too tired to stay up and write. By the time I come home, I'm totally exhausted and fall right away to sleep. Lynn is at her chorus rehearsal and will be calling me soon. We have a party to attend, a 50th, birthday of a lesbian couple that we met last year during the summer at a women's music festival this Saturday. Her partner is throwing this shindig at a Moroccan restaurant complete with belly dancers, champagne and appetizers. It should be a lot of fun. Lynn and I will also be overnighting somewhere close because after drinking a few glasses of wine, we don't want to drive too far and plus we get to spend some much needed time together before I fly off to Hawaii for my birthday. Yes, I will be going without her and will be attending this trip with my good friend Darrell. Time, money and her daughter keeps her from going. Lynn and I will be going to Las Vegas at the end of this month to celebrate a birthday bash at my hotel that always gives me comp rooms. They are throwing a party for all of the March babies. That should be wildly fun too. My last day at work officially will be March 12th and I'll be off from work for the next three weeks. I will most definitely be picking up overtime, if they'll let me. Because of the Easter holiday coming up, we will be swamped and with the amount of sick calls, I would be a good candidate to pick some of that up. My laundry is done and I'm going to the grocery store to pick up some items for home. This is the best time to run errands, when no one is in the store.

Delayed

out of Las Vegas due to San Francisco weather. My flight on US AIR was running about an hour and a half behind schedule. I was truly hoping it would not be delayed any further as I have a rescheduled RA appointment at 4:00pm. As a standby employee, I was cleared immediately by the nice male gate agent who gave me an aisle seat close to the front of the aircraft. With another SFO flight that was scheduled and now delayed, the agent working that one started piling passengers onto my flight which was now going to be very full. Needless to say, I made it. While waiting in the boarding area, I noticed "Dog, the bounty hunter", from Hawaii sitting at the slot machine area being closely watched by his co-worker/body guard. In a few seconds, his wife Beth showed up by his side and you can't miss her! I tried to dish out my camera from my bag but they were gone at the sound of the 1st class boarding announcement for Phoenix. That would have been a sweet picture.
My flight home was a little turbulent as we landed in raining San Francisco a little after 2:00pm. I drove home to check up on my son and the house and let Lynn know that I landed safely.
I had not seen my RAtologist since December when I started my Humira injections. In between that time, I have taken a few blood tests at the lab and so far, he is very pleased at where my marks are. My SED rate when I first started in August was over 100 when my Primary doctor diagnosed me. My RA, one week later pegged it at 96. Today, he stated it was at 32. He lowered my Prednisone from one and half tablet to one only. I'm still taking one folic acid and one multi-vitamin daily. 4 tablets of Methotrexate is still taken weekly. He was also very pleased to hear that I have not taken any Aleve or Motrin for pain. I would really rather feel the pain than NOT to feel any pain. How else can I identify if my body is hurting? My visits with him will be twice a year and hopefully down to once a year unless anything significant happens between now and then. I'll still be coming in monthly for more expanded blood tests which he will CC to my primary doctor. I am very happy that he's happy. I feel wonderful right now and very pleased with the results of my medication. Sure, I've gained a bit of weight versus the pain but to keep myself in check and back to normal, it's worth a little weight gain.

Poolside

at the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas as I am comfortable in my lounge chair feeling the gentle breeze of the wind waft over my body and the warmth of the sunshine upon me. What a grand feeling knowing that I don't have to be anywhere at anytime with anyone, decadent! So far, I have not won anything on the silver mechanical monstrosities called slot machines. My budget was very low coming to Vegas in the first place with only one thing in mind....picking up my Starbucks coffee kit. Relaxed as I am, this will be my last night here in this beautiful hotel. I will be leaving early in the morning to catch whatever flight that will get me home in time for my RAtologist appointment at 4:00pm which was originally scheduled for today. About an hour in the sun was good and called it a day for the pool and started towards the spa for another workout on the treadmill and bicycle. I love my Diamond Card and all the perks that go with it. After an hour of working out, I made my way back to my room to rest and take advantage of my tub for a bubble bath, delicious! Only to shower off and take a short nap before going to the Diamond Lounge for something to eat. I met quite a few personable waitstaff while here in the lounge and it shows that they truly enjoy what they're doing. Rustin and Mario remember me from previous nights ago and nod, "Good to see you again!". I make my way over to my usual corner of the dining room in my two seater booth tucked away in a nook. Again, sandwiches are the main course with crispy chicken wings and dim sum rounding out the hors d'oeuvre menu. Drinks flow freely here and the patrons come and go. I take my white zinfandel and a cappuccino for drinks while noshing away on the canapes, deserts and appetizers. My belly full again, I bid adieu to the staff that has treated me as if they have known me for ages and set out to find a winning machine.

Rollercoaster

week for me since I've been back to work. I've picked up hours like crazy to pad my paycheck in anticipation of paying my monthly mortgage and a host of other bills that I have due. I should just about clear them all. I will definitely be completing my taxes this weekend and hoping to receive that within two weeks time. My company is also giving my profit sharing check next week on Valentine's Day, which will be a welcomed addition to my bank account. I am also trying to find the time to fly to Las Vegas to pick up some freebies that my Diamond Status with Harrah's has allowed me comp rooms and prizes in a way of enticing me to exclusively use only their casino group. I'm here to tell you, it's working! For the month of February, I will pick up a Starbucks coffee maker, grinder, coffee and travel mugs, gratis, courtesy of the Paris Hotel in conjunction with Harrah's. I've invited Lynn and her daughter to fly with me to Las Vegas. Lynn's daughter will be flying to London during the week of Feb 24th. She will be a volunteer at the Pax Lodge for about 5 months and receiving a stipend plus room and board. It is a wonderful opportunity for her and she will meet other young women from other cultures and what a time she will have. I'm jealous! So, I thought if they flew with me to Las Vegas, we could all have some fun together and enjoy the sights. I'll find out next week.
Work has been very busy and there's talk about Delta and Northwest merger that has the industry as a whole, up in arms. It is a waiting game and may the best airline win.

The Spirit of Christmas

After waking up this morning at 11:00am, my body is not in the Christmas spirit. I could have slept in for another hour maybe two! After shopping for two hours yesterday at Pak-n-Save and bringing home the holiday dinner, I didn't feel much of the spirit there either. My mother passed away on December 28th 2003 and my heart has been missing her tremendously around this time of the year. Almost to the point of my not wanting to spend it with family or friends. I would rather be a lone hermit tucked away in my shell on a beach somewhere in Molokai's solitude of heaven. The holidays can be a lonely time of the year and it is so for me. I'm completely surrounded by family and friends but still, I feel alone. I am missing my island of Molokai and all of it's spirit that I come home with when I visit there.
My brother is the only one looking forward to Christmas dinner and he appreciates that I do cook for the family. My son and daughter are spending time with their father. Lynn is spending the holidays with her family, also doing the cooking scene at her home. My very good friend Darrell stopped by after work for some holiday dinner and Christmas cheer. His parents are in Atlanta and he has not seen them in a year. He does have a brother who lives out in Mountain View and visits him once in a while. I sent him home with three plates of food and he was very ecstatic about that. Darrell rarely cooks for himself, his condo is immaculate, he puts Martha Stewart to shame and he is a genuinely good man. My spirit lifts when I'm around him. He makes me laugh and we have a wonderful time together. Darrell had to leave and be on his way home. My son, the card shark, challenged me to a card game of Black Jack for money. Within one hour, all of my change went to his side of the table. I told him, "When you turn 21, I'm taking you to Vegas!" As he walked away with the biggest grin and pockets heavy with coins, he asked to challenge his uncle. Being overly stuffed from tonight's dinner and smart, the uncle declined. Looking back at the end of my night, my spirit and mood better than before. I realized that I have wonderful friends and a beautiful family. Because of my mother and father, I have learned how to build solid relationships, drama and all, and I'm very thankful for such gracious parents. I will love you always, think of you often and miss you dearly.
Merry Christmas.

Sergio

I can't believe I'm going to name a topic after a man, well I should say boy. He is my daughter's ex-boyfriend who has seemed to "creep" back into her life. My daughter Nani, came home late last night from her job of selling "Kirby" vacuums. A half an hour later, she said that she was going out and that she'll be back. I know, mom's aren't supposed to worry, she's over 21, but with this boy, I do. I live in a two bedroom, one bath house upstairs with a finished basement one bedroom, one bath complete with kitchen, downstairs. Nani rents from me and lately with her employment being next to nothing, so are the rent checks. Nani was with this boy for about five years and everything was "lovey dovey". Nani was working at Safeway and is a very energetic, outgoing and beautiful young woman. Sergio was working as a butcher and a complete opposite, quiet, likes to go fishing, doesn't like to be in a crowd type of guy. Nani was attracted to him because he was sweet and told her everything that she wanted to hear. They did everything together as a couple, trips, events and parties. A few times they would come home in a drunken stupor and have these big arguments which my son and I were able to hear from being upstairs. One of those times, my son was listening in on their arguments and heard his sister cry out because Sergio was pushing her around, came and got me and we both took off downstairs with crowbars to tell him to get out of the house. About a year ago, Nani and Sergio broke up because Sergio was seeing another woman. And how Nani found out was from her best friend Rachel, who found Sergio on a "my space" website doing impromptu things with the woman. Well, word got back to Nani who confronted Sergio and all hell broke loose. There were slamming of the doors, cursing at Sergio, him trying to make up, blah blah blah and he was out of the picture. Nani ignored his calls and visits and eventually he faded away, until now. She didn't return last night and I'm hoping that she made it to her job this morning. If he F**ks her up on this job, she's going to have to go live with him because I'm not going to take this bull crap anymore. His stupidity, selfishness, jealousy and "won't take no" attitude pisses me off. All the time that we have lived here in this house, he was staying here. No wonder because he was still living at home with his mother, so why not come over here and live at my g/f's house. He didn't have the sense to contribute to the household when he would take showers, eat dinners, use up electricity while playing his video games here. Yes, he was a freeloader! I guess guys don't have a sense to feel guilty or that they're intruding on someones household. I did let Nani know, my say in that he was staying over too often and he needed to pay something. So he did, by taking Nani out to dinners, football games and wherever she wanted to go.
That breakup was the best thing that ever happened to her, she got her life back. Her three close g/f's gathered around her and supported her by giving her a "breakup" party. She travelled to Las Vegas during the summer for a bartending gig at the MGM. That never would have happened if Sergio was still in her life because he would have made her feel guilty and she wouldn't have the chance to go. Lately, he has been showing up at our house. He doesn't come inside because he knows that he is not welcomed here anymore and I have made that perfectly clear to Nani.
The morning is almost gone and here I am ranting about a subject I don't like. It's time for a beer.

Las Vegas

I had to get up early this morning to make an early flight out to Las Vegas from the San Francisco International Airport. The security checkpoint was surprisingly empty at this hour of 6:00am, I'm sure passengers have heard enough about the heavy travel season to heed it's warnings. My flight was full but not oversold. I sat next to two elderly Italian gentlemen who own several Italian restaurants around the Half Moon Bay area and Palo Alto. I usually don't talk to my seatmates unless she's a cute woman or couple but Andrea, who was sitting in the middle seat, was speaking in Italian to Joe, on the aisle seat and pointing to my little picnic of blueberries and dried trail snack food. I offered them some, introductions were made and Andrea was telling me the story of his family owning a grocery store in Half Moon Bay and how they have lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and that I had a good idea to bring some food on board. Andrea stated that he heard of all the advisories of not bringing liquids on board and I told them that solid foods were allowed and you can buy water past security. They didn't look like the type to pack anything but their wallets! They inquired where I was staying in Las Vegas and I always stay at the Rio All Suite Hotel because I have a lot of comps with them and almost unlimited rooms available to me every month. Who needs to buy a condo? I have my airfare for basically nothing and hotel. I just have to get myself to and from the hotel by shuttle service from the airport. They were staying at the Luxor. As our flight landed, we parted ways and another human interaction was borne.
My flight landed about 8:30am and not having any checked luggage makes it easier to get out of the airport. I'm always the last drop off in the shuttle because of the location of the Rio Hotel which is located off of the Las Vegas strip. I check in at the Diamond and Platinum lounge and is cozily located away from the Gold check in. Behind the frosted glass doors pulled open by an employee awaits a generous amount of check in agents to help assist you. Fresh coffee while you wait, if there is a wait. They happily greet you warmly because this is their "creme De la creme", that's right, their high rollers, frequent players and just people that like to drop a lot of money. In my case, I play very little and have won a few significant jackpots to the point where I have accumulated W-2's to take home and file until tax time. I'm still waiting for that elusive "mega-pot"! The whole process of checking in took less than 10 minutes and Mr. Mcadoo is very personable. He knows by my profile that I have been here almost every month since March to take advantage of my complimentary room nights and asks me which tower would I like to stay in. I prefer the Ipanema Tower because Starbucks is located right there. When I need that early morning coffee, I can use my points or cash to get what I want there. For this particular trip, I am here to claim a DVD offer that arrived in one of my mailing promotions. Last month it was the Nintendo Wii which I sold on EBay for a nice price. My son already has an Xbox and isn't interested in the Wii. The DVD, I will give to Lynn as part of my Christmas present to her along with other things that I have accumulated throughout the month. The month before, I picked up an Ipod with speakers and gave that to Lynn's daughter which she highly prizes and plays constantly at home. All of the rooms at the Rio are nicely appointed suites. Easily sleeps 6 but can accommodate 4 in two double beds. My room consisted of a King bed and faced the "strip" and looked out across the pool area. Because I arrived early, I took a nice long nap in my room, watched T.V. as it was a Law and Order marathon day and enjoyed the peace and quiet. 4:00pm rolled around and it was time to go downstairs to the promotion desk to claim my DVD. There was a bit of a line but moved fairly quickly. Kawehi, a local girl, had me sign for the DVD and gave me a nice soft blanket as part of the promotion. Great, more stuff to pack in my one and only carry on! From there, I went on to find a slot machine to play. No luck at those machines and had better luck at the video poker deuces wild machines. Where you really score on those is the "double up". I had won a little over $300 on that one and finally had to leave the machine because I drank too many beers and had to go to the little girls room. It was time to quit anyway and when I came back there was a little ol' lady on it. Feeling a little buzzed and sleepy, again, it was time to go back to the room and watch more Law and Order.

So many things to do

so little time. Whoever said that sure knew what they were talking about! I have a ton of things to do and just "don't wanna". I made out a to do list last night and it's still staring me in the face. I have boxes and mailings that need to get out to the post office and it's still sitting there as if they were waiting to go for a long walk. My bed is unmade, i still have my pajamas (sweats) on and the T.V is rambling on in the other room. What does that tell me?
It's time to go back to bed!

I finally get out bed, get dressed and go about my mailing. Actually I was getting all of my EBay stuff out to the post office to my customers that won my auctions which usually consist of materialistic things found around my house. Things that I haven't used, aren't interested in or have no place for it in my home. You know that saying, "One person's junk is another person's treasure". I don't have a store on EBay, it's just a site where I can throw my "junk" into and hopefully someone else will want it and I get paid for it. My pork chops are completely thawed out and I throw those in the crock pot along with some bacon for flavoring, season it and let that simmer for a few hours. That's for dinner tonight, I love my crock pot!
Getting gas is really ridiculous these days. $3.87 a gallon for unleaded! My truck is hitting $80.00 to fill up now. I don't see an end to this anytime soon especially with Thanksgiving next week. I predict that gas will easily top $4.00 in some areas.
A good friend of mine is in town from Florida, Angie with her g/f Tamara and is visiting family. Angie used to work as a B.A.R.T mechanic in Antioch, she sold her home a few years ago and moved to Fort Lauderdale with her mother. She sold her house just in time at the height of the real estate selling market started to cool. We're trying to find a window of time to get together tomorrow and visit with other g/f's who live beyond the bay bridge. My g/f Lynn is not sure because she will be coming from Palo Alto and then to drive over to Berkeley is quite a jaunt especially with the gas prices at an all time high. We will try to make the time and it will probably be a last minute decision. It's gearing up to be a busy week for me. I have a play to go to on Friday night called "Stardust and empty wagons" which I went to last week. I'm taking my "surrogate" mother Diane to it because she is portrayed as one of the main characters in the show. Saturday is a baby party for a co-worker who got fired last year and I never really heard the real story of what happened to her. Saturday night is another co-workers birthday. Monday morning, if the flights look good, I will be flying to Las Vegas for a little R&R and to pick up a portable DVD player at the Rio All Suites Hotel which has been giving me complimentary nights for the past three years because I play there quite a bit. I've won a few nice jackpots but I'm aiming for the Mega one day. The Rio is a beautiful hotel with a Mardi Gras atmosphere just off the strip which you can easily reach by one of their many complimentary buses to their partner hotels. Just about every amenity you could want and yes, they have a bowling alley!! And it's alot of fun.