Finally

relief from mother nature's gusty winds and constant rains in San Francisco. I'm not complaining and i certainly express deep sympathy for my sisters in other parts of the country as well as the world with this incessant weather we've been experiencing. Most of what I do is hunker down, read books and make the best of the situation. My rheumatoid arthritis has not given me any problems since the start of my Humira injections. It has been one week since the lowering of my prednisone (5 MG) down to one and a half tablets daily, one folic acid (1 MG) and one multi-vitamin daily. My (10 MG) tablets of methotrexate is still taken every week on Wednesday, all of which I have faithfully taken and not missed for fear of my stiffening joints coming back to haunt me. The weather certainly doesn't play any part in it's affect on my joints as I so often hear from other sufferers. I sometimes feel a fullness in my hand joints when I curl my fingers and I look for tell tale signs of nodules and deformities as my fingers stand at attention under my inspection. I am afraid of the medications in my ample embodiment of woman and I disengage from the thoughts of what the future holds for me. Four months ago, I was a wretch from my tormenting pain and surprised by the suddenness of it all. A misery I would not wish upon anyone and executed a disguise of my endurance. This disease was altering me so aggressively, that I was not recognizable to myself anymore. Where was that sturdy, vigorous, take-charge woman that I knew? The agony was excruciating. The loneliness was more inviting, yet, lacerating and extracted me from the human race. My advantage was my family and friends who kept in touch with me often with their talk of others with my affliction. Lynn and her ever present spirit and communication, tho sometimes challenging, would be the hand on my heart to uphold and guide me through inharmonious moments in my life.

Up early

to tackle my day. Life must go on after all. I have make a phone call to the doctors after 10:00am so that they can slot me in to take my Humira shot with a pen looking device I picked up yesterday at Walgreen's. Since I have a great medical plan, this prescription only costed me $25.00 co-payment. After looking at the "you saved" part, it blew me away! My insurance saved me $1654.99!! Can you freakin believe that? Expensive little things and they also need to be refrigerated. For now, my medication calls for an injection every other week. I have a three week vacation coming up in March and I'll have to re-think my destination. This vacation was planned for February, that's when Lynn and I were thinking of escorting her daughter Camden to London and spending a few days there for our mini vacation. I thought for sure I had the correct dates but miss bid my vacation to March. My daughter Nani always says, "things happen for a reason". My excuse is, "I'm gettin' old". Instead, I was thinking on visiting some friends of mine. Pearl and her partner Michelle in Alabama, recently moved Marilee in Atlanta and Angie and her partner in Florida. Maybe my fly boy, the international gay playboy of the skies, Michael, and pay a visit to him in Florida.
So, I have to find some time today to get this shot administered and get my loan papers ready for Sarah this weekend as our ladies group will be going to a few parties. Again to see an old friend in the city who is throwing one at his place. Ken is a long time friend who I haven't seen for at least 10 years since we got together in New Orleans for Halloween when my hula group was there performing for a well to do artsy gentleman. From what I hear, he lives in a loft. I'm not sure if he's partnered. Many of my gay men friends have beautiful huge lofts in the city. Why? So that they can throw the most fabulous parties and galas you have ever seen. Their parties are truly amazing!
I'm steering away from the subject again. I do that quite a bit and don't mean to. I've got to fill out papers for my 401k loan process which didn't get processed for some reason. I'll have to go into work to get a copy of the doctor papers that re-certified me unable to work for this month of December and to pick up my bid sheet for my new work schedule.
I finally wrote an email last night asking Lynn for my small refrigerator back because it belongs to my son. I haven't received an answer yet. I know we are both trying to process what happened this past Monday because I totally cut her off without an explanation or conversation but said everything in a subtle email. It wasn't vicious or attacking because I was hurting and still love her to some magnitude. I'm sure she's hurting and devastated like I am but for different reasons. I thought that I would pick up the "fridge" since I was going to be down that way in San Mateo for my appointment. It could be that I just want to see her again. Hear what she has to say. Or me being an idiot and thinking that I could take her back and forget about everything. My thoughts about us living together in our Golden Years, implosion complete, damage is done. OK Lani, bend over so that I can kick you in the arse and knock some sense into you! Reality sets in and the truth is known. I can't go back, not after what has been done, written, said or otherwise. Move on, Lani, move on! Yes, I will. One step at a time. One step at a time.

Savers

is another "thrift" type store and is only two blocks from me and what a convenience it is. I love it since I rarely buy clothes for myself because most of my money goes towards my mortgage, bills and my son. When I do buy clothes, I frequent Savers...a lot! Today is my "Paris" group's annual holiday party and I need something nice to wear instead of my usual jeans and t-shirt. I found quite a few things and carted them off. Going so early in the morning, you get your pick of the best things that they tagged and put up on racks and shelves. Plus it was purple tag day and everything associated with that was half off....Ka-ching! I did manage to get a few nice blouses, shirts, pant and shorts. Yes, shorts, being Hawaiian I wear shorts rain or shine, hot and cold weather...whenever.
It's a potluck party and I am making potato salad. It's one of the favorites among this crowd and easy to make. The eggs were done boiling by the time I got back from Savers and in went the potatoes. My "Paris" group that I'm referring to is my over 40 in age group of friends that I've known 20 plus years ago when I paddled Outrigger Canoes in San Francisco and have kept in touch since. Our particular demographic is that we are all 45 this year and try to celebrate with a big trip. At 40, five of us took a week long trip to Paris and Nice. Inspite of our differences, it was a fantastic vacation. This year was very busy with everyone going to school, work, laid off from work, starting a new job and other set-backs that we weren't able to secure a date or destination. We still have until the end of this month to vote on a destination. It might even be a trip up to Napa for wine tasting and spas or a winter casino trip up to Lake Tahoe. I don't know yet, but I'll bring it up at our event tonight.
Lynn is out shopping at the Flea market in Palo Alto and doing her part in the spirit of the holidays. This is the start of her concert week and ends next weekend, so she'll be very busy rehearsing. I am trying my best to stay out of the malls and doing my shopping online and taking advantage of those companies that offer free shipping. It's so much easier and less hassling than going out and fighting for parking, the gifts and the people. I just don't enjoy doing that anymore. My sweetie's last concert will be next week and I will be spending a weekend in Santa Clara, Saturday and Sunday. During that time, we'll exchange gifts, spend some much needed time together and celebrate the holidays. I'm looking forward to that time with her very much.