Finally

relief from mother nature's gusty winds and constant rains in San Francisco. I'm not complaining and i certainly express deep sympathy for my sisters in other parts of the country as well as the world with this incessant weather we've been experiencing. Most of what I do is hunker down, read books and make the best of the situation. My rheumatoid arthritis has not given me any problems since the start of my Humira injections. It has been one week since the lowering of my prednisone (5 MG) down to one and a half tablets daily, one folic acid (1 MG) and one multi-vitamin daily. My (10 MG) tablets of methotrexate is still taken every week on Wednesday, all of which I have faithfully taken and not missed for fear of my stiffening joints coming back to haunt me. The weather certainly doesn't play any part in it's affect on my joints as I so often hear from other sufferers. I sometimes feel a fullness in my hand joints when I curl my fingers and I look for tell tale signs of nodules and deformities as my fingers stand at attention under my inspection. I am afraid of the medications in my ample embodiment of woman and I disengage from the thoughts of what the future holds for me. Four months ago, I was a wretch from my tormenting pain and surprised by the suddenness of it all. A misery I would not wish upon anyone and executed a disguise of my endurance. This disease was altering me so aggressively, that I was not recognizable to myself anymore. Where was that sturdy, vigorous, take-charge woman that I knew? The agony was excruciating. The loneliness was more inviting, yet, lacerating and extracted me from the human race. My advantage was my family and friends who kept in touch with me often with their talk of others with my affliction. Lynn and her ever present spirit and communication, tho sometimes challenging, would be the hand on my heart to uphold and guide me through inharmonious moments in my life.

My life has stopped

for a moment in time
what did I do?
what was my crime?

I gave you my heart
mind, body and soul
now dark and empty
like a piece of coal

Was I
too blind to see
my artful woman dodger
my stupidity

moments that meant
walks that we took
spoken words of love
my glance, your look

time will heal
my weary heart
now utterly broken
and torn apart

life has it's lessons
from which I will learn
a life of love
a love that will burn

Appointments this week

Yesterday the contract electrician for PG&E came by to change and ground the electrical outlet and brought it up to code to a GFI outlet. My daughter's kitchen downstairs will be receiving a brand new refrigerator courtesy of the PG&E weatherization program. The Energy Partners Program provides qualified low-income customers free weatherization measures and energy-efficient appliances to reduce gas and electricity usage. There are guidelines for qualifications . http://www.pge.com/res/financial_assistance/energy_partners/index.html She will be getting two doors, one exterior door leading to the backyard and one door leading to the garage. Those are in dire need of replacement. I will be getting a replacement window for my son's room and two doors, one leading to the backyard and one leading from the upstairs to downstairs. They will also be doing some caulking and weather stripping of the doors to prevent drafts from coming and going. It's a wonderful program for California residents that are at a disadvantage.
Tomorrow, I have a dental appointment for cleaning and checkup and on Wednesday is my RAtologist appointment for my next phase of medication.
Ever since the lowering of my prednisone, my "rhummy" has been giving me a lot of pain in my right hand, especially at the middle finger joint. Sometimes I can't even bend it or many times it favors the curled position. I took my blood test last week and he should have the results by now for this week. Today, my ankle is a little swollen and causing me to limp a bit. By the time the afternoon comes around, my body is fully "awake" and moving better. What a way to live! To have something like RA cause you to slow down and dictate your life to it's very essence. It is just unimaginable. I lead a very active lifestyle and slowing down to zero and in pain, I've taken a step back and can't dwell on what caused this vicious disease to enter my once healthy body. I can only put my trust in my RAtologist, take my meds, eat healthier and forge on with my life at a slower pace.

Wake up Call

at 6:30am! Who the heck is calling me so early? As I rolled over to the side of my bed to retrieve my cell phone, it is not a phone number I recognize. I flip open my phone and on the other side is the faint voice of my daughter, who is whispering as not to wake someone else up! I answer, "Are you OK? Where are you?" She replies, "I'm at my friends house, can you come and pick me up in Millbrae?" Not ready to leave the warmth of my flannel bed sheets, I ask "Can't they drive you home?" "He doesn't have a car" she softly whispers. I'm thinking that I would have thought about all the particulars before accepting an invitation to someones home knowing full well that I don't have a car and will need a ride home. "Can you pick me up at 7?" she states. I reply, "That's in a half an hour!" I gave in, "Yes, but I'll be a little late pass 7". She says OK and hangs up. Groaning like a grumpy old bear, I slowly get up out of bed and take my medication. It takes me a while since I have tremendous pain in my right hand at the middle and index finger joint. Christ! I can't fully extend my fingers without wincing and grimacing at the pain. Since the lowering of my prednisone, familiar aches and pains are coming back to me. I don't like feeling this type of pain since it has already left me immobile a few times several months ago before I started on medication. I was helpless.
Throwing my sweats on is easier to handle than my jeans and t-shirt at this time and I was out the door to pick up my daughter with her directions she had given me earlier. I can't believe my life sometimes and wonder if anyone else goes through similar acts as I do.
I find her waiting outside of an apartment complex and she climbs into the truck. Right away she could sense that I was upset and apologized. I didn't say anything to her and we drove the long silent 20 minute ride home. Because freakin PG&E is working on my street, my driveway is blocked and I have to find parking on another street. Thank goodness the parking goddess was with me and I had to parallel park the big truck. Because of the pain in my right hand, it took me close to 6 minutes to maneuver and finally park. Nani took note of my right hand and asked if I was OK. I replied, "No, my hand hurts". She asked if there was anything that she could do and I stubbornly said, "No". We started to walk home and I told her that she could go on without me because i would be a little slower. She quickly stepped up her stride and hurried home. As I watched her walk away, I could feel that she was very remorseful about what happened. I felt guilty that I made her feel that way and wanted to let her know that I'm not well. Watching her walk, I saw an image of me thousands of moons ago, a strong, sensitive and independent young woman.
************** addendum ************************
Before leaving for work, Nani apologized to me for not knowing about my pain from my RA and making me pick her up this morning and I apologized to her for my ranting episode. With apologies accepted, we gave each other the usual kiss on the forehead and a big hug. It felt better to make up than be a sour grape all morning. I'm glad we did.