5150

"When any person, as a result of mental disorder, is a danger to others, or to himself or herself, or gravely disabled, a peace officer, member of the attending staff, as defined by regulation, of an evaluation facility designated by the county, designated members of a mobile crisis team provided by Section 5651.7, or other professional person designated by the county may, upon probable cause, take, or cause to be taken, the person into custody and place him or her in a facility designated by the county and approved by the State Department of Mental Health as a facility for 72-hour treatment and evaluation". As stated in the WELFARE AND INSTITUTIONS CODE SECTION 5150-5157.
Hearing Britney Spears being rushed to the hospital on a 5150 and my own daughter, Pua, who now issues that order upon herself when she is having a mental breakdown, can only receive the qualified care that they need instead of being stricken to a jail cell. In comparing these two young women, highly intelligent, beautiful, outgoing, seeking attention, substance abuse, readily available gentlemen suitors, loves children, enjoy singing and their love of shopping. They would do well in a facility together and the stories they would share. As with Britney's young life, a barrage of events and excessiveness solidified what she is going through. It was and is the same for my daughter, too young, too accessible, too soon and too much. Our youth today have much to contend with let alone the pressures that go along with growing up in this society. Pushing the limits until it all comes tumbling down and nowhere to go but home. Disruptive, chaotic, abusive, aggressive and a host of other words that derive from this culture of GENX'ers and Babyholics plays out like a disastrous B movie.

Highway 101

shut down yesterday because of a tanker spill causing traffic to be rerouted through once quiet neighborhoods and hours wasted in perpetual commotion. Fortunately, I was not in it but saw the news on T.V. from work, thinking that there will be many passengers late for their flight if they hadn't tuned in. Carried over today, the left lanes are still blocked and the 511 traffic information has issued a severe alert to avoid 101 if at all possible and look for alternate routes. Lynn has a meeting today with Dr. Snow in Palo Alto at 4:00pm and if it were not for this accident, I would attend. Instead, I declined because of the horrid traffic I would have to contend with on the return going to work.
The meeting today would consist more of Lynn's relationship with her mother. Defining that her mother, as abusive as she was in her younger years, is now older and cannot harm Lynn. And yet, with harsh memories of Lynn's abuse, she remembers, vividly, each hit, swat, paddle or verbal assault being said to her or her siblings. Lynn was the caretaker and protector. How one so little and innocent can be subjected to such crimes by the hand of her own mother. It is unimaginable. On the other hand, my father was the disciplinarian. My mother could only stand by to listen to our cries as we were hit by my father's bare hand upon our backside. I tend to think that my sister was the favorite because she was rarely hit at all. My brother and I, because of our mischievous antics and my being such a rebel, we were always being spanked or locked downstairs in the cold dark basement. My brother was always the one to stay close to the door, breathing up the bottom light for fear of seeing into the void of the monsters he would dream up to scare his sisters with. Fearful of the dark and the demons that lay beyond the stair, I would hear him whimper. Mom would eventually let us upstairs and into our room without dinner. Our tummies grumbling, we were more terrified of our father and went to sleep that way. Hours later before my father would leave for work, I would listen to his rituals of making sure the windows and doors were locked. He would appear at each of his child's bedside and offer kisses upon their foreheads as if he were asking for forgiveness of his abuse. He would achieve this act of love until we were in our early teens. I'm not sure if my brother or sister had any recollection of this fatherly act of love but that memory of him remains.

Unending rain

and the weather calls for more sometime in the evening, I began preparations for dinner in the early afternoon. Looking at the expiration dates of the food in my refrigerator, I had to improvise and make two unsimilar meals. One meal would be the Salvadorean Pupusas and the other would consist of a baked Salmon soaked in lemon and rosemary, wrapped in Spinach leaves. The Salmon would be the easiest to prepare and only requires about a fifteen minute prep time and a forty five minute cooking time, while the Pupusa would demand the most cooking time up until my time to leave for work. I owe it to my ex husband's mother that taught me how to assemble and cook these wondrous round delights. Over the years and at family gatherings, these edible treasures were just cause for pandemonium, especially when the cheese cooked out to form the crispy crust and most sought after. I have perfected my cooking of them and my children certainly enjoy these when time in my life permits me to prepare it. To top it off, I had a blackberry smoothie consisting of blackberries, a banana, half cup of non fat milk and six cubes of ice, blended, no sugar is added. After a long day of cooking in the kitchen, this was a welcome reprieve and a healthy drink for my joints.

Finally

relief from mother nature's gusty winds and constant rains in San Francisco. I'm not complaining and i certainly express deep sympathy for my sisters in other parts of the country as well as the world with this incessant weather we've been experiencing. Most of what I do is hunker down, read books and make the best of the situation. My rheumatoid arthritis has not given me any problems since the start of my Humira injections. It has been one week since the lowering of my prednisone (5 MG) down to one and a half tablets daily, one folic acid (1 MG) and one multi-vitamin daily. My (10 MG) tablets of methotrexate is still taken every week on Wednesday, all of which I have faithfully taken and not missed for fear of my stiffening joints coming back to haunt me. The weather certainly doesn't play any part in it's affect on my joints as I so often hear from other sufferers. I sometimes feel a fullness in my hand joints when I curl my fingers and I look for tell tale signs of nodules and deformities as my fingers stand at attention under my inspection. I am afraid of the medications in my ample embodiment of woman and I disengage from the thoughts of what the future holds for me. Four months ago, I was a wretch from my tormenting pain and surprised by the suddenness of it all. A misery I would not wish upon anyone and executed a disguise of my endurance. This disease was altering me so aggressively, that I was not recognizable to myself anymore. Where was that sturdy, vigorous, take-charge woman that I knew? The agony was excruciating. The loneliness was more inviting, yet, lacerating and extracted me from the human race. My advantage was my family and friends who kept in touch with me often with their talk of others with my affliction. Lynn and her ever present spirit and communication, tho sometimes challenging, would be the hand on my heart to uphold and guide me through inharmonious moments in my life.

Sleeping in

as the alarm clock was silenced but read 10:45am! After a night with Lynn, morning comes too early. The smell of fresh coffee was enough to arouse this gal out of a warm bed in search of a cup. Lynn was up checking email and getting breakfast ready. Her daughter would be leading her father's writers class and church activities at the Methodist Church where she attends. Lynn and I would be going the opposite direction to San Mateo, again, to the PMCC. It has rained all of this weekend and doesn't seem like it's going to let up anytime soon. I'm beginning to enjoy my time at this church as their songs and teachings are pleasing to me. Churches can sometimes be intimidating as they are awe-inspiring. I don't know the inner workings of churches such as knowing when to stand up to sing or chant. Or perhaps to sit and sing or recant back to the Pastor. How do these people know? You obviously have had to attend church from when you were younger to get these particular tasks down pat or attend on a regular basis and it seems very easy to pick up. I definitely want to bring my coworker and friend DarRell here. There are a few good looking men that he may be interested in. He is a wonderful man who deserves someone wonderful. Could be a hookup in church! The people here are very friendly and we are always warmly greeted. Afterwards, there is always coffee, tea and snacks. Mingle and catching up on the weeks activities are the talk of trade. From here, Lynn and I drive back home again in the midst of pouring rain. With six thirty looming around the corner, it is time for me to slip away back into reality and away from my time alone with Lynn. This is always the most unpleasant part of our relationship, leaving one another.

Army Commissioning

today and it was a joyous occasion celebrated by Gail's family including her father who is a 2-Star Sargent General and her sister, a 2nd lieutenant in the US Army. Her proud father was the commissioning officer swearing her into duty. Numerous friends and family were on hand to help celebrate. While the rain let up for a few hours, we were able to hang out on the deck to enjoy some much needed fresh air. Inside, Gail stumbled through a few lines due to her nervousness but she recovered with flying colors. Gail's sweetheart, Ramona, was there to make sure the party ran smoothly and towards the end of it all, she was ready to collapse. Proudly Ramona stood watching Gail get "pinned" by her father and mother. Ramona was also in her detective uniform blues and looking just as handsome as Gail. With the festivities coming to an end, Lynn and I departed and drove toward San Francisco's Chinatown looking for a Chinese style blouse for Lynn's fundraising event in February. After some years working in the Pier 39 area, I am very familiar with the streets of San Francisco and Lynn found her blouse on the first shop we stopped at. It was a beautiful magenta color with gold accents and she received a very good price on it. We had tea and some appetizers at a local eatery. The staff were wonderfully nice and the delectable food arrived sizzling hot to the table. We walked through Chinatown park where the older Asians were playing mah-jong while the children stayed busy at the playground. Making our way home amidst the traffic, we were finally glad to sit still after being out all day. Lynn's daughter, Camden, stayed home from the Lake Tahoe trip and occupied herself with projects throughout the night. I read one of Lynn's book on Autism by Daniel Tammet called "Born on a blue day" and finished it within several hours. I found it to be a very good read.
Midnight arrived too soon for Lynn and I as we watched T.V. and enjoyed the closeness of being together in her bed instead of restricted to our sixty minute hot tub time. With no time limit attached to our nocturnal frolics, we were free to explore again, our boundless love. Our lovemaking is always beautiful if not fiery. Our fervent desire for one another, passionate kisses and sultry dance of the flesh igniting our emotions from deep within our souls. Breaths steamy, fierce and vivid stirring our primal urges, fighting to let go, to be free. Sounds in the night calling my name, calling her name. She, whispering her commands as I instantly carry out her directives. Our mouths find each other as our tongues surrender control and our hands interlocked, tightly, overhead and the other hand is left to explore, search and recover treasures of untold desires. The atmosphere is warming as her essence rises to fine me waiting, wanting and lusting. I find myself lapping at her effusion, her elixir, drunk as she retreats into my spirit. Our energies quieted, tranquil and serene, we lay next to each other in bliss as the darkness gives way to light. We hold each other for a time and drift off to sleep.

The falling rain

and the amount of water that has been captured in my recycle bins is tremendous. My backyard is a mixture of greenery and household items that were destined for the junk yard but now lay in a heaping mess. I'll never get to it if this rain keeps up.
My friend is getting commissioned tomorrow at her house, in uniform. I've never been to one and I'm very excited about attending. Lynn and I will be driving over to Hayward for the special event. Her family is leaving tonight for Lake Tahoe and will be caravaning as their yearly church event. I'm not so sure about them travelling in this unending rain and if they will be able to leave. It is going to be a horrendous trip there with the traffic and weather. I will have a harrowing driving trip to Palo Alto with traffic of my own to contend with. Drive slow and watch for the other idiots who forget to signal, drive too fast and are discourteous and I will have a safe journey to Lynn's.
I look forward to spending the weekend with Lynn as we catch up on some much needed bonding that we can't get from a hot tub session at Watercourse way or the infrequent amount of times that we meet for lunch. Precious as our meetings are, I treasure the longer days that we do spend together which we have done numerous times during the course of our relationship and our years together. I look forward to when we finally do settle down together to start our lives.... finally.

My morning ritual

of nourishing my infirmed body back to health would not have happened if I did not take sick leave from my employer. Tho the disease is a lifetime of pain and medications thus, manageable, I am forced to take a step back and take a closer look at my life and what I'm doing. The constant movement, travel, partying and not taking care of myself was running me into the ground. The pain of my disease, rheumatoid arthritis has given me a second chance to turn things around for myself. No longer do I eat at the airport restaurants (if my friends treat me to a salad, I won't say no) and fast food outlets, was a matter of convenience.
Now I eat breakfast everyday consisting of oatmeal or Malt-O-Meal showered with non fat milk and sprinkled with a healthy dose of wheat germ, no sugar, and two pieces of wheat or white toast, generously buttered.
Lunch might consist of a tuna sandwich, grilled cheese, banana and yogurt, granola cereal or a blackberry smoothie. A hot water kettle lives on my sink and is always hot for generous amounts of a variety of teas provided for by Lynn from her pantry.
Dinner varies on what is in the freezer and what I can thaw out in time. Baked salmon with lemon, Beef tomato stew, Enchiladas with green sauce, pork chops, kalua pig, rice a roni, brown and white rice and the ever faithful crock-pot for just about anything else. A big hit in my household has been tortilla wraps. The construction of my creation starts out with any type of cream cheese, vegetarian or chive with onions, as the base, then layering a generous amount of spinach and like a pizza topped with whatever you have in your refrigerator. I top it off with deli turkey meat, nonfat cheddar cheese, carrots, zucchini (sliced lengthwise) and when I'm done, I roll it up. I can either eat it like a burrito or cut it up in slices for bite sized pieces for a healthy snack. I AM A SNACKER!! I love junk which will be my downfall. Cheese puffs and Snicker bars are my weakness and won't resist them if offered. I have cut back on it but only slightly and it shows in my weight that I have picked up during these past four months off. Alas, I can truly say that I am eating healthier and better than four months ago and I feel better.

Poop in first class

and a crazed woman at the gates were episodes that I missed when I arrived at work today. I hear, if not witness, delirious, demented and sometimes wacky occurrences in my profession. An agent was recanting the story of a passenger in first class on an inbound flight and how he totally missed the toilet and had bequeathed a present to the cabin crew by defecating on the floor of the lavatory. By the way, no charges were filed and the passenger walked. His excuse was that he was a germaphobe and didn't want to touch the seat cover to the toilet and tried to prop himself above the receptacle only to relieve himself on the floor.
The next story involved our outbound flight and a young woman who acted like an immature 2 year old who was in complete hysterics when she missed her outbound flight for New York. She reacted by throwing herself on the floor, crying and cussing up a storm. When she didn't get her way with the agents at the gate, she returned to the security checkpoint to cool off, all the while still in a state of utter destruction. She never returned and may have caught another flight. My fellow co-workers and I conduct ourselves with the utmost professionalism while remaining calm, listening and performing the best to our abilities. Unlike our predecessors, United, American, Delta and others, we have been given high marks in our customer service skills and friendliness. I have worked for many years with my company and I genuinely love what I do. I think of my co-workers as my second family. Travelling is a perk that is the best in the industry which I have indulged myself and my family in travelling the globe. My trade is a specialized field which you "either have it or you don't". Meaning that you have to be a people person, social, personable, leader, comedian, problem solver, team player and a good listener. There are a host of other attributes which I acquired on the job with the help of other wonderful agents and Supervisors. At one time, the airlines was a profession that was highly coveted and hard to break into. Now, in the wake of possible mergers, talk and the high price of jet fuel, it seems the reasonable choice of venue. No one wants to merge with the possibility of losing their jobs after many years of hard work and a world of travel still out there to see. In this day and age, the unknown is right around the corner waiting to shake my hand.

Tax time

and the amount of paperwork that I shred each year is of epic proportions. Going through my files and folders for pieces of bureaucratic information that I am obligated to retain for the next seven years is a component that I am very methodical about. Hence, the piles of paperwork on my bedroom floor and elsewhere that I have accumulated but was too lackadaisical to file or shred. Receipts from every purchase that I have made since 2004 to now. Can we say ANAL? Somewhere, somehow, the madness has to stop. My self affliction and knowing that I have contributed incalculably to global warming by the amount of shredding that I do on a daily basis. Mostly I can lay blame on the retailers and advertisers who struggle for my attention to open their infinite allotment of junk mail only to be returned persona non grata in my shredder. While I wait for a few important documents from my bank concerning my home, I have, at the ready, my tax forms. My goal this year, unlike most years, is to focus on having the mailed tax forms dated before February. Last year, I had it ready in January and because life got in the way, it did not get mailed out until April 15th! How's that for pre-planning? I'm a clutter-bug and there's no denying it.

Remembering Martin Luther King

His speech is powerful and his words majestic as he spoke of the struggles of black people and minorities. If he were alive today, he would see that we have made very little in the way of progress. What would he say about Gays and Lesbians? Where would his take on homosexuality be? If he were President of the United States, there would have been a metamorphosis of wondrous proportions. Changes that would have reconstructed our way of thinking, open , honest and love thy neighbor. The powers that be and the silent movement put an end to that dream by assassinating our dearly beloved Mr. King. When he died, our dreams died with him. Now would be the time to rise up and implement our voices and elevate our spirits to go against societies ills. The King family would be proud. Martin Luther King would be proud.

In God's house

we are all created equal. At the MCC Church in San Mateo, it is just that. Rev Teri addresses her flock of gay, straight and transgendered every week with pastoral elegance and teachings of one so knowledgeable. Together in song and readings from the Bible, their hope for unison and togetherness bonded by love will further the achievement of all churches in the belief that we all have a place on this earth no matter what category we fall into, we are all created equal.
Being equal, we should also have the same rights as everyone else. The basic right to marry and have a same sex partnership. Being treated as a second class citizen or better yet, a foreigner in our own country we call America as this right is not inclusive to the gay community but exclusive for the hetero or straight community. Sure, America wants you to vote and pay taxes, but addressing LGBT marriage issue will be pushed aside for a more meaningful agenda such as the war in Iraq. America wants to recruit my son and daughters to serve their country, should they fall into the "don't ask, don't tell" category, my country will not support them but rather discharge them, thinking, "take your gay asses home!" Or worse, be accidentally killed by friendly fire. I thought we were out of the segregation and discrimination era but here it is, alive and well and will continue, if the powers that be, endorse this act of cruelty.
Lynn and I listen, sing and hold each other's hands with an aspiration that during our lifetime, we will legally marry with all of our family and friends in attendance as we walk down the aisle as one.

Lord, give me strength

in tempering my soul, mind and thoughts with my children. My second daughter, Pua, went AWOL last night from the facility where she was a resident. Her sometimes boyfriend, Adolpho, drove to Sacramento, picked her up and brought her to his place in Redwood City. Then drove her back to my home to spend a few days with us. It is always a problematic reunion between Nani (oldest daughter), Manny (only son) and Pua (second daughter). Nani and my son live at home with me and Pua abides her time in and out of mental facilities and group homes. She has been out of my home since she was diagnosed at 16 years old with schizophrenia, depression and was made a ward of the state at her request. Now at 23, she infrequently comes home and when she does, it can be very chaotic at times. Her facility environment consists of a tumultuous, boisterous and many times violent atmosphere to where she has her guard up twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Patients that she may call her friend one day could end up fighting her the next day without any explanation or cause. Tempers flare quickly and often in crowded facilities like hers.
Word of her escaping her facility last night was a phone call to her siblings and they in turn, called me at work. The questions, fears and worries of how Pua will manage without her medication. Pua's fear and loathing of not wanting to go back to her facility. Everyone looking at Mom and what I decide to do. Tired and wearisome, I can only go by the moments in time. Planning ahead in this particular situation is meaningless. Erratic, Nomadic and unpredictability is Pua's modus operandi and just cause for not planning. Where will she go from here? It is anyone's guess.

Another work day

and I'm back in the groove again. Slowly my co-worker and friends find out that I have returned to work, very glad to see that I am feeling well. It seems that I am not the only one that they know who has rheumatoid arthritis, there are countless others and they all offer suggestions on how to cure myself from eating the marrow from a cook beef bone to juices from exotic berries. From what I have read, my disease is treatable and manageable but incurable. It is a lifetime of chronic pain and if left on it's own without the proper medication, it can be unkind and horrific to the human body. For now, this medication will have to do and I'm trusting that the medical field will find a cure for this disease as well as many others out there.
Work was very demanding tonight, passengers are carrying everything on board with them and it is wearisome on our part be the bad guys to always take their carry on away from them due to lack of overhead space in our bins.
Flights were arriving late due to East Coast weather making our outbound flights delayed as well. Passengers want to hear what was the reason for the delay and no matter what we tell them, they always have opinions of their own. I stayed for forty five minutes of overtime and am looking for more, where ever I can get it. Because I am vacation relief, I will be bidding again for February and have chosen to go mornings but no too early of a shift. That way I can pick up hours at night and on my days off and still have the flexibility of controlling what I want. Tomorrow, I plan on starting a walking regimen and going to my local track and field for laps. I have missed exercise in my life for many years and need to put that back into the start of my day. Morning arrives too quickly when your scheduled off this late at night.

Third shot, right thigh

Because I have to interchange injection shots on my thigh, I have to keep track of where my last injection was and because my mind sometimes forgets, this is a good reminder for me. I took a little over half an hour to finally administer the shot, again, talking myself into it and each time looking at the end of the needle. That is what takes me longer because I tend to psyche myself out. Once done, it wasn't that bad. I have to stop looking at the needle before injection to quicken my task, next time, that is what I will do. My second day of work was uneventful. I picked up hours for a co-worker, ordered the meals and input the billing. It all came back to me today. Meeting a 757 on jet-way 35 was a different story. Because it's automated with a touch screen, I needed the guidance of a senior agent and Marty was there. Piece of cake! The schedule had me controlling a flight and a full one at that. We didn't have much room to play with when it came to passengers wanting better seating, we did not have any. First Class is always full and the compartment never goes out with an empty seat. Towards the end of my shift, Passengers became shadows and their voices started fading. Their unending repetitious questions became boring. I started to feel the tiredness settle in and I was ready to go home and sleep. Midnight could not arrive quick enough.

My first day

back to work and it was heaven. How many people can actually say that and genuinely mean it? I'm sure there are a few souls that can honestly say that. My start time is 1830 to 2330 and will be like that for the next two weeks until the end of January. Because I am vacation relief, Myself and three other co-workers will be required to bid every month for our shifts. Since I am Number one, the odds are one hundred percent that I will get what I want unless I forget to bid. My shift involves ordering meals for our flights that fly from San Francisco to Newark, New Jersey, billing, security checks and a host of detailed paperwork. As soon as I checked in for my shift, I was immediately overwhelmed by my co-workers and friends who have missed my being there. After almost forty five minutes of catching up with everyone at the ticket counter, I walked to baggage service and said my hello's there and continued onto the gate area only to repeat the same reaction when I checked in. It is delightful to know how much my friends miss my spirit and personality, as one supervisor words it.
There were only two flights tonight, none of which I will be working due to a briefing that I had to attend. It basically was an effortless and untroublesome night considering that most nights tend to have some type of issues, ie: weather, mechanical, diversions and security. This is one of those nights that I dream of and only get a few times a month. I picked up my next three days off thanks to another co-worker who gave me her hours to boost my paycheck which I look forward to mostly, to compensate for the sick pay I received these past few months off from work. It is wonderful to be back. Ask me again by the end of the month, I may have changed my mind.

Last day of Bliss

before going back to work tomorrow and reflecting on my four months off from work has been quieting for me. Now that I'm rested and have been managing my rheumatoid arthritis to where I'm able to move without any discomfort or pain is wonderfully amazing to me. Distraught and disabled in August, threw me one hundred and eighty degrees to come to the realization that I need to take time out for myself and make, me, a priority.
Can I work those maniac hours that I was used to? Will I have to pick up hours to make up for lost time and wages? Do I want to? These questions I ask myself going into this New Year. How can I make it work? Make my life work? Make my work, work, without financially draining myself or my energy level. I will strive for harmony in my health and work situation without compromising my work ethic, in other words, don't kill myself for the almighty dollar. I will be working the next two weeks on the night shift, part-time, while picking up overtime on my days off to make ends meet. Also making time for Lynn and I and the family events surrounding my life in the proceeding weeks ahead. Managing my once quiet life, merging into the traffic of life and not venturing over to the fast lane.....yet.

The Moss Beach Distillery

was our location for lunch today with my friends. This little jewel of a restaurant sits pass the Devil Slide area atop a bluff with majestic views of the ocean. Our initial restaurant was going to be the Chart House which is now the Outrigger, has been closed due to renovation. We drove further down the road and saw the signs indicating the Distillery and followed that. Winding our way through the neighborhood, we saw beautiful homes dotted along the beach front area. It was a little past 1:00pm and the restaurant was quite empty at this time. Our waitress, Courtney, seated us at a table with a commanding view of the ocean. The menu was genuinely authentic with a wide variety of flavors ranging from healthy appetizers to amazingly tasteful entrees. It was a bit expensive but the fare was large in portions and wonderfully fresh. I would definitely love to bring Lynn here for lunch or dinner and go for a stroll along the pathways to watch the sunset. It is absolutely romantic and timeless.
With our bellies full and impeccable service, it was time to go. With restrictions being that we had children to pick up and teenagers that we had to be home for, we were sorry to leave. Another time perhaps and maybe we might even see the "Blue Lady".

10 Seconds

for Camden's sendoff video for London is a surprise video to take with her made for in part by her little sister. It was a very thoughtful idea, when Lynn told this to me and that I was picked to help in her endeavor. It touched my heart so much so that I thought I would totally get into the spirit of things and dress up as "Aunty Aloha" when Lynn came to pick me up for our "Respect" dance day. My Aunty Aloha get up was an aloha shirt adorned with leis of all types, kukui, shell, feather, ribbon and pennies topped off with a Chinese fishing hat made out of palm leaves a few summers ago at a family reunion in Hawaii and big showy sunglasses. I looked pretty hilarious as Lynn taped me coming out of the front door of my home wishing Camden well on her journey to London next month. With my adornments put away, Lynn and I were off into the city for our monthly Respect dance night. I sent out emails to our group of women that meet whenever we can letting them know that we were going to be there tonight. As usual, we got there on the early side of things and checked in with Debi and seek out a booth for us. I was expecting Gail and her new girlfriend Ramona to drop in but no exact time was arranged. Lynn and I catch up on kisses, conversation and much needed touches throughout our evening. It's always nice to feel her closeness when we've been away from each other. We dance to a few tunes and enjoy the music. Our hands exploring as if on a mission and our lips softly finding the target kissing zone. As soon as an unfamiliar tune or rap music comes on, it's break time. Finally, Gail and Ramona show up apologizing for being late as a motorcycle ride to Pleasanton sidetracked them. With introductions and hugs finally settled, we conversed more in the privacy of our comfortable booth, danced a few numbers and conversed more like long lost sisters. With the club winding down, we all decided on dinner across the street at a Thai restaurant. Our conversation carried over from the club to a more intimate and quiet setting congratulating Gail on her first ever night out at a women's club. She enjoyed herself very much. Dinner was excellent with a variety of appetizers, soup and main entrees, we were stuffed to our hearts content. Soon it was time to say our goodbyes with hugs and kisses and a safe journey home. It was definitely a nice way to start off a New Year.

Hawaiian family gatherings

are never ending in my family and I've haven't been to one yet that has ever ended before midnight. My cousin Moke had a belated birthday party for two of his daughter's Anastasia and Vanessa (12 & 9) across the bay which my daughter and I looked forward to attending. As with celebrations there were also funerals that we attended for this family. My uncle and my cousin April, who recently passed away from Cancer and left two teenage boys, her husband and two twin girls (6 months old). April was the event planner of the families. She would send out the evites, plan the menu, co-ordinated the jumper, rent the facility or be the first one to secure the best area at a public park. That was April in a nutshell. With all of her love and aloha, she welcomed everyone into her family, no matter what race, color or creed, you were treated as family.
Hawaiian parties never start on time and this was no exception with a 2:00pm start and dinner finally being served a few hours later. The greeting of family and friends are always given in hugs and kisses. Introductions to familiar faces and the memories that we reminisce from past events and families that all brings us closer never losing those ties. Dinner is always excellent and plentiful. Smiles, laughter of children and conversation are the center pieces of my life. Our opu ( stomach) full of food and drink, we enjoy the rest of the night in music. My Aunty Joyce seems happier than usual and is more talkative than combative and she warns me about Mark and keeping him away from my daughter. My Aunt is a fiery red-headed haole (caucasian) woman who in her younger years was a total hottie. Wise in years, she can see everything in it's development and she does not like Mark. As the night starts to fade away and the crowd thins out, we start the task of saying goodbye to all of our family members which usually takes an extra twenty minutes. My cousin reminds me of another party in two weeks for her sister's twin girls and in agreement, I know that I need to be there. Our jaunt across the bay is short as my daughter and I converse about Mark, a long time grade school friend of my cousin Moke and now a single father who has frequented these parties since his teens, who has now taken a liking to my daughter and from what she said, wants to ask me if he could see my daughter. Sounds so old country Filipino, doesn't it? I told my daughter, who doesn't have an interest in him, he's going to have to go through the proper channels, my Aunty Joyce.

Nick's Rockaway Beach

in Pacifica is where I met my co-workers and friends, Janice (hottie momma) and expecting another baby girl any day now and Marielena. It was a grey afternoon with high tide warnings near the coast this weekend. People were already at the coast-side watching the waves converge upon the boulders against the railing at the MoonRakers. The famous Mavericks surf contest is being held tomorrow http://www.myspace.com/mavsurfer1 . Due to the environmental impact that the large crowd will have on the coast line, they are asking everyone NOT to be there if they can help it and go to other viewing spots such as AT&T park. But like the curious species that we are and our pure love of the ocean, hundreds of us will be descending on the tiny little town in Half Moon Bay for the event.
Lunch with my girlfriends was a raucous. Janice who swears every other sentence is a wonderful story teller of her life, family and "don't take no bull-crap" attitude where Marielena is more demure in character. Stories of life at the airport with passengers and other co-workers seemed to be preparing me for my own re-entry back to the front lines after my four month hiatus due to my rheumatoid arthritis. Speaking of re-entry, I finally got an email from my HR that I am cleared to go back to full active duty starting next week. I was so elated to hear that news, I called Lynn first to let her know and my best boyfriend, Darrell. With a wonderful lunch, happy news to share and a great friends, I look forward to my future. Ask me this question next week after my first day back to work, it may be different!

A day of nothing

or was it? With a week filled with activities and having completed tasks on my to do list, I am still wearing my robe and slippers listening to "How to Organize your life & get rid of clutter" on my laptop on loan to me from Lynn. It is a very good 4 CD wealth of information on getting my clutter bug life organized and in the hopes of ridding myself of my "piles" of paper stuff. Throughout my day, I have filled with sleep, making a vegetable soup in my crock pot, I thought about going to the bank but can save that for tomorrow, answering emails and phone calls. I start work next week and have been savoring my last days of bliss before going back to a full intended work schedule as I hope to pick up plenty of hours, overtime included, to help me get back on track to my financial outlook and staying healthy. Being off from work for four months is foreign to me as I have never missed a day of work for the past eleven years. Eleven years of perfect attendance and being on time to work. For what? Lynn says my epitaph will read: "Here lies Lani with perfect attendance BUT no Ford Explorer!" (Smiling)

Dr. Snow

Lynn and I were meeting with Dr. Snow in the part of Palo Alto where mere cottages command one million dollar price tags and predominantly white upper class neighborhood is the rule. Dr. Snow's home is off of the main thorough way of Amtrak, continuous vehicle traffic and a pulsating public High School. Her landscape is unconventional and quirky with her Asian Buddhas sitting in the side front walkway waiting as if to greet and welcome my arrival. Upon entering her porch sitting area, we are immediately met by Cody, an energetic bundle of mixed terrier with a blue starred bandanna tied around his neck. Her backyard facing the porch held half wine barrels containing stalk like plants positioned in a circle as if waiting for a full moon incantation from their mistress.
Upon meeting Dr Snow, I thought she was an eclectic, well traveled and highly knowledgeable
woman in her sixties, at least. Her hair, manner of dress and makeup neatly manicured proved that she took great pride in her professionalism and appearance. She must have been a commanding presence in her younger years as her tall thin stature offered me a hint of what she may have been like then. Now, her frail but still very strong posture fighting to retain any ounce of dignity by choosing not to treat her possible rheumatoid arthritis as visually noticed during the course of our counseling session and in her walk.
Lynn and I were here as a couple for my first time in any type of couples counseling and I was nervous. Nervous because of my own so called abuse at the hand of my father and what secrets, if any, that might be blurted out for Lynn to know. Secrets that may be locked away, unconsciously, until someone like Dr. Snow unlocks it and out pours this torrential flood that I have to answer to. I have a plate full of issues which Lynn knows all about and probably because of the issues, my rheumatoid may have come about then. Because of the sensitivity of her issue, approval addiction, It is very courageous of Lynn to let me in to her inner most heart where lies her darkest secret that she tried very hard to shield me from and the hurtful events that lead up to where we are now. With slow insightful conversations and my background that was all Dr Snow needed to know that I too, could use some counseling of my own.
With our hearts, tears and plenty of tissue, we were able to talk about the issues at hand. Lynn's mother is at the root of her unforgiving heart and will continue to be as long as Lynn lets her dominate her life which makes her feel unloved and unwanted. Even tho, Lynn is surrounded by friends, family and myself who offer our undying love. To an approval addict, this is not enough and results of this can sometimes be catastrophic and turning away the people that really love you. With Dr. Snow's help and gentle conversations, we will both receive the help that we need to mend our relationship and go forward in our lives.

The diagnosis

of a half inch fibroid was of great relief to me. My doctor stated that there was no need for surgery of any type, at least not yet, but to monitor it's growth for the next six months. I have always monitored my monthly periods with some irregularity during those times and often with heavy bleeding leading to my being anemic during most of my life. With the introduction of homeopathic remedies and vitamins from Lynn, I have slowly been able to accept these forms of holistic therapies in a more natural way that is beneficial for my body and mind. I was hoping there would be a more healthy way to treat my rheumatoid arthritis but for now, these hard hitting steroids and toxic drugs are the best at treating this lifetime disease that I have.

Counting the days

of when I will be back at work which will be January 16th. It has been nearly four months since I was working last and my longest leave of any type. All of this due to my rheumatoid arthritis and the medications that I need in order to stay well and in good health. I was very much a workaholic during my past work era and would work 16-18 hour days without any rest and only napping when there was time. Exhaustion and no rest is probably what opened me up to letting my immune system down and thus my developing this type of arthritis. Tomorrow I will meet with my primary doctor and receive the results of last weeks pelvic sonogram. I am a little anxious on what she will tell me and I only hope that it is good news.
Speaking of appointments, I will be attending a counseling session with Lynn on Wednesday. We will be attending as a couple in need of understanding an "approval addiction" that Lynn has. It is an addiction that has spanned back to her childhood and that of her abusive mother. Lynn cannot come to terms with loving herself and those very close to her heart and has chosen inappropriate ways to express her need for approval. One of which she has hurt me with and I have forgiven her when she explained this addiction to me. Through counseling, I will hope to understand how and why Lynn does these things. Strengthening our fragile bond that has almost been torn knowing full well how much I love her and she of me.

Moving day

for our good friend Sarah started at 11:30am at her house in Vallejo. Sarah is in the process of a divorce from her hubby Ron of fifteen years, due in part to Ron's infidelity. Unforeseen, abrupt and swift was his insistence for a divorce, it caught Sarah by surprise and completely off guard. She was devastated! And we were devastated for her. The story is one-sided because we've heard Sarah's view but can only see the anguish in her emotions and hurt in her eyes. On this day, we, Cecile, Darrell, myself and Sarah's two friends and partners of 12 years, Lori and Laurie, helped her move from her "married" two story house to a ranch house overlooking Mare Island and the bay-lands. With the use of my truck and her u-haul rental, we were able to assist with a majority of her moving the larger and heavier items. It was a move that she was prepared but unprepared for and in it's finality, taking us into the darkness of the evening with her two beloved and very friendly pit-bull dogs running out of the house like a pair of well muscled race horses, into the unknown. With our last haul packed in the truck, Sarah needed to find her pets. Cecile, Darrell and I offloaded the last of her items in her new home and called Sarah to see if she found her pets. A saddened, No, came from Sarah's soft voice over the cell phone. It was 7:30pm and we were exhausted from our moving day. Feeling a little guilty for not helping her find her pets, we proceeded on our long journey home. Approximately, thirty minutes later, Sarah called to let us know that she found her pets at their "sitters" house, safe and warm. She thanked us profusely for our giving up a day of rest to come and help her move and knew that she had good friends that she could rely on. In spite of the rainy weather, lost pets and hard work, all of us we're relieved as we sighed an end to a productive day.

Mystery Shopping

is a side occupation that I engage in, enjoy and get paid for my detailed reports based on my customer service interactions. A friend of mine, from the airport, suggested the idea and that I would be an excellent candidate. There are no fees of any type involved nor were there any drawn out questionnaires or applications. The only requirement that most of these companies ask is that you have a Paypal account to deposit your payment from services rendered. I started off small with one company and my "mystery shop" involved coffee shops. After completing a few of the shops, writing reviews and getting paid, I was hooked. I was referred to other companies that offered shops from oil changes, restaurants, gas stations, entertainment centers, convenience stores, sports venues, bars, movie houses, hotels, car rentals and flower deliveries. I figured that most of these domains were centered around my life and what I do on a daily basis, why not mystery shop! Friends and family were frequently taken out to lunches and dinners, children went bowling and miniature golf centers. I planned a route to each venue to make sure that I would maximize my day. At night, I would write my reports and fax or email my receipts to the companies and wait a few weeks to be reimbursed on top of my payments and sometimes bonuses into my Paypal account. Since I was basically an independent contractor with these companies, I could literally write off many of my expenses if I were set up as a small business. The companies do not take out any taxes from your payments and you do have to file these as part of your taxes even tho a W-2 is not issued unless you make more than $660.00 for that company. It is a nice source of second income and you can make your own hours.

Hurricane force winds

have descended upon my little town of Daly City. I woke up to the muffled sounds of a chainsaw, heavy pelting rain and the howling gusty winds as my electricity flickered valiantly during the onslaught of mother nature's fury on this bleary grey morning. Watching the winds pummel my pear and lemon trees as it whipped around the leafless branches. My RA office called me to let me know that my final revised re-certification form to admit me back to work will be faxed within 10 minutes. I have a doctors appointment to find out the status of my pelvic examination and a mystery shop at an oil changers shop. Venturing out today was going to be a treacherous adventure.
Leaving my home was like nothing I had ever seen before. Hundreds upon hundreds of leaves, pine needles and other greenery were spewed all over the street and sidewalks. Empty garbage cans were rolling and crashing into the unknown. What used to sound like a small trickle coming from the water drain for the runoff now sounded like thundering waterfalls with an endless amount of energy. Darkened street lights and bent stop signs were remnants of this morning. Intersections was a cat and mouse game, drivers flagrently disobeying the law and utter chaos ensued when drivers would speed up and hydroplane causing a massive wall of water on an unsuspecting and often startled pedestrian. Upon arriving at my doctors office, I noticed that the parking lot was void of cars, people and activity. A closer look at the sign on the door read, "Building closed". There was no electricity in the building, no sign of life. My brother called me to let me know that there was no power in San Bruno, which was my next destination for the oil change shop. That is now cancelled and I decided to drive to the airport to pick up my revised copy of the faxed doctors report.
It was chaotic at the airport. Passenger flights were anywhere from 2-6 hour delayed because of the weather. My co-workers were very busy and my morning supervisor was stressed out from her day. I was so glad to not start back so soon. With my copy of the report in hand, I left quietly and continued home. Devastation from the storm was evident by all of the damaged trees and store closures due to lack of electricity. Accidents were few and rain was plenty, I was very glad to be home.

Ouch!!

I self injected myself with my second dose of Humira. The first one was in December in the presence of a nurse at my doctor's office. It is entirely different having a nurse eyeball you and injecting yourself on your own with this type of pen needle device. It took me approximately one hour to talk myself into the procedure. Yes, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to needles. I don't freak out, I just don't like them. I'm hoping that this would be more effortless in the future and I'll be more tolerant of my feat. I did more lab work today and gave blood to my RAtologist. I'll see him again next month unless there are any drastic changes in my symptoms.
Lynn and I tried to see a movie, The Enchanted, last night but it was not playing at the Theatre we chose to meet. Instead, we went to Bair Island's Waterfront restaurant in Redwood City and had dinner there. It is a charming place on the water with huge bay windows offering views of the marina. I'm sure the view is spectacular during the day and just as crowded. We enjoyed the quietness of the atmosphere. Our candle lit table by the water was equally romantic and we hadn't even planned this. It was a nice unexpected surprise. Our conversation was about activities during the day and what we each had planned for the upcoming weekend. We did want to go to Respect (a monthly woman's club in San Francisco) next weekend. After dinner, we strolled around the marina and walked along the docks where the beautiful yachts and catamarans were moored. Conversation flowing and stolen kisses, walking arm in arm and being close to one another was all that mattered and what felt right at that moment. The night was fading and not wanting to leave each other, we babbled on as if we were on our first date. Finally, the arduous task of saying goodnight or goodbye is always the most difficult. It is here that we disconnect, divide, sever, disunite and tear. All of which we have done a thousand times before, each and every time, our most heartsick consequence.

Pelvic Sonogram

Since my first self administered shot of Humira two weeks ago tomorrow, I am feeling healthier than ever, I have less stiffness in my hand joints and my mornings have been far superior than the past three months that I have been home. My next self injection will be tomorrow afternoon. New Year's eve, I had an appointment at Seton Medical for a pelvic sonogram. Because of my heavy monthly menstruation or sometimes not having one at all caused some concern in my primary doctor to have a sonogram done. Before going to my actual 2:30pm appointment, I had to be admitted in the emergency part of the hospital first, paperwork and all, to be properly registered and then I was able to be seen. The clerk who had processed my paperwork was under the impression that I was an employee of the hospital when In actuality, my co-worker from the airport works at Seton. As he was processing my paperwork, he had by-passed a few other patients who had been waiting much longer than I and they were looking over my shoulder, visibly upset, that the clerk had made me the benefactor of his mistake. Did I relinquish my seat right away and apologize for the clerk's mistake? Hell no! With my belly full of water for the past two hours and about ready to relieve myself, the clerk speedily rushed me out of there and hurried me to my now late appointment. With my documents in hand and my belly bursting with water, I was commandeered by a petite and soft spoken, Jan and taken to a room where my test would be given. After changing out of my street clothes and donning the hospital gown where you can see my whole backside. I lay down on the table as she properly covered the lower half of my waist with a sheet and poured a healthy amount of lubricant on the areas of my stomach where she would run the sonogram test. With my belly full of water, Jan worked her magic taking pictures and knowing which areas to look in to. After the tests were done, she had asked me to wait until she had given the pictures to the radiologist and would come back for me. After the all clear sign, I asked her how were the pictures. All she said was to call my doctor in a few days and make an appointment with her. Her once chirpy tone sounded low and ominous. I did not have a good feeling about this and went home.

Great start

to my New Year by staying home in my robe and slippers all day today, watched the Law and Order marathon, answered emails and feasted to my heart's content. This was the day where I did absolutely nothing, no opening any paper mail, paid no bills, did not drive anywhere, no shopping, no outing with friends, no concerts or walks in the park, nada! I'm in supreme bliss in my overstuffed reclining chair with the T.V. blaring a senseless commercial as I have caught myself napping only to awaken to the sound of MTV's hype on "Tila Tequila". Pathetic woman, is she who picked a man who's heart she will break over the real woman she could have had and should have picked but would have broken her heart as well.
I'm enjoying my quiet time and this is the only day that I will be seduced into being this unsystematic with myself. I'm due back to work on January 16th with my uniform pressed, prim and proper reporting to the front-line. I wouldn't say that I'm being thrown back in with the wolves but rather reaquainting myself. I have over twenty five years of customer service experience, eleven of which are at the airport and I take great pleasure and pride in what I do. Days like today will be far and few in between with the work I do and how active my life is and will get. I look forward, wholeheartedly, to seeing my friends and co-workers whom I've missed and my work, immensely.