Reflecting

on my past events for the month of December. I can truly say that it has been an eventful month strewn with drama, love, loss, laughter, tears, goodwill and reconciliations. My life amazes me continuously and miraculously. It has been nothing short of exhilarating and I look forward to what 2008 and where she will guide me. I am hoping that she keeps beckoning me to learn of my life's journey openly and that she will be kind as always in her endeavor to faithfully watch over my spirit, cleanse my soul, renew my hope and love honestly. That is what I hope to carry forth into the New Year.

Couch Therapist

It has been quite the day for me getting together with two of my very good friends. One of which I recently came out to this past weekend and is the only one that needed clarification on seeing me in a new light. Norma was the last of my circle of close friends to reveal that I am a lesbian. With the new information about me and letting her process it for a few days, I was ready to answer whatever questions she may have about me. But there were ground rules, one of which was her behavior which reminds me of a little girl throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way. This was my outing and i'm going to get my way. She had asked me why I took so long to tell her. After all she had been my friend for close to twenty years. I told her that it was not easy and it's still not nor is it ever going to be easy for me to tell everyone. She asked for clues and labels. I told her that my being a lesbian, I didn't need to drop hints or clues about myself and I am very comfortable with myself. It is you, who are not comfortable with this new information. I am acting as I have been for the past 20 years you have known me as a hetero woman, with a man, only this time for the past 8 years, with a woman. As for my physical appearance, my appearance is that of a femme. I can act butch if I want to and so can any woman but those are all labels. I am still human, anatomically female and still your friend of 20 years! I still enjoy wearing dresses, makeup and perfume. Nothing about me has changed! The only change is that I love women. Now that i've outed myself, I shouldn't have to cut my long dark mane to announce that I am a butch or lesbian because society has decided to label that. Norma has grown up hearing labels and percieves that labels should take precedence. Of course her immaturity brings out her denial which she tries to hide behind her laughter. I stated to her, "this is why you were the last one to know because of your immaturity and probably your homophobia on not knowing what is familiar to you to a now unfamiliar territory". Norma has her own issues with her life that she is still trying to come to terms with but it is not for me to physcoanylaze or figure out for her. That is why there are highly paid counselors to do that, not your girlfriends. Our talk lasts for two hours and three margaritas later, she is relieved to hear that I am happy with Lynn. I know she has her doubts and more questions but that is not for me to walk her through my process and help her understand. It is hers to process and that is a journey she is going travel alone.

I'm in love

with your angelic voice
the power that is you
your spirit, your choice

letting me in
your most inner thought
so fragile, ashamed
weary and wrought

with my arms around you
as our journey begins
secrets unfold
as we stamp out these sins

together, you and I
spirit as one
we will get through this
from you I will not run

communication and honesty
that is all I ask
no more hiding
no more mask

your journey will be difficult
by your side, I will be
patient and understanding
you are all, I see

With God's mighty hand
from up above
my heart to yours
I'm in love