The falling rain

and the amount of water that has been captured in my recycle bins is tremendous. My backyard is a mixture of greenery and household items that were destined for the junk yard but now lay in a heaping mess. I'll never get to it if this rain keeps up.
My friend is getting commissioned tomorrow at her house, in uniform. I've never been to one and I'm very excited about attending. Lynn and I will be driving over to Hayward for the special event. Her family is leaving tonight for Lake Tahoe and will be caravaning as their yearly church event. I'm not so sure about them travelling in this unending rain and if they will be able to leave. It is going to be a horrendous trip there with the traffic and weather. I will have a harrowing driving trip to Palo Alto with traffic of my own to contend with. Drive slow and watch for the other idiots who forget to signal, drive too fast and are discourteous and I will have a safe journey to Lynn's.
I look forward to spending the weekend with Lynn as we catch up on some much needed bonding that we can't get from a hot tub session at Watercourse way or the infrequent amount of times that we meet for lunch. Precious as our meetings are, I treasure the longer days that we do spend together which we have done numerous times during the course of our relationship and our years together. I look forward to when we finally do settle down together to start our lives.... finally.

Hurricane force winds

have descended upon my little town of Daly City. I woke up to the muffled sounds of a chainsaw, heavy pelting rain and the howling gusty winds as my electricity flickered valiantly during the onslaught of mother nature's fury on this bleary grey morning. Watching the winds pummel my pear and lemon trees as it whipped around the leafless branches. My RA office called me to let me know that my final revised re-certification form to admit me back to work will be faxed within 10 minutes. I have a doctors appointment to find out the status of my pelvic examination and a mystery shop at an oil changers shop. Venturing out today was going to be a treacherous adventure.
Leaving my home was like nothing I had ever seen before. Hundreds upon hundreds of leaves, pine needles and other greenery were spewed all over the street and sidewalks. Empty garbage cans were rolling and crashing into the unknown. What used to sound like a small trickle coming from the water drain for the runoff now sounded like thundering waterfalls with an endless amount of energy. Darkened street lights and bent stop signs were remnants of this morning. Intersections was a cat and mouse game, drivers flagrently disobeying the law and utter chaos ensued when drivers would speed up and hydroplane causing a massive wall of water on an unsuspecting and often startled pedestrian. Upon arriving at my doctors office, I noticed that the parking lot was void of cars, people and activity. A closer look at the sign on the door read, "Building closed". There was no electricity in the building, no sign of life. My brother called me to let me know that there was no power in San Bruno, which was my next destination for the oil change shop. That is now cancelled and I decided to drive to the airport to pick up my revised copy of the faxed doctors report.
It was chaotic at the airport. Passenger flights were anywhere from 2-6 hour delayed because of the weather. My co-workers were very busy and my morning supervisor was stressed out from her day. I was so glad to not start back so soon. With my copy of the report in hand, I left quietly and continued home. Devastation from the storm was evident by all of the damaged trees and store closures due to lack of electricity. Accidents were few and rain was plenty, I was very glad to be home.

Hoping that

this was all a horrible bad dream and I haven't been awaken from this deep abyss of sleep. I'm in a state of depression and feeling like the loneliest soul on the planet. I'm still in bed by noon and under the covers of my warm flannel sheet, comfortable, quiet and away from all of the madness of these past few days. The quietness is consuming me where I once had an active volume of cell phone chatter because of my daily conversations with Lynn about everyday life, has come to a complete halt. Except for the familiar emails from my close circle of friends making plans for this weekend, my life is at a standstill. There is so much that I have to do that it has fallen by the wayside to make room for my loss.... my grieving emotional loss. I'm sure it has taken a toll on my health but not for the worse. My zombie like stature is on auto pilot and going through my earthly routine, robotically. The all too familiar ring that I assigned to Lynn has been silent. Where I used to run and jump at her ring tone to answer the phone, I have quietly pressed ignore. Do I still want an explanation from her? Do I care? The questions running rampant in my mind should we meet again. Her insatiable need to be needed. We all need to be needed. I need to be needed. One person is not enough. I wasn't enough. I haven't cried since finding out that fateful Monday. Am I waiting for the tears to come? They don't. Am I heartless for not crying? Stunned, perhaps. In denial? Maybe.
I will no longer hear the music of raindrops softly pelting on my window sill or see how bright and beautiful the full moon shines. The colors have faded and start to blend. How magnanimous of Lynn to show me the other side of this life. The side where no one wants to see or be a part of, but somehow I arrive here. No fences, wires or gates to hold me in. I can leave at anytime but I resist. I have fallen from Grace in all of it's beauty and riches. Only to stand here at the crossroad of my life, broken and forgotten. My tears start to flow like sheets of rain on the dry Kalahari desert as my arms caress me like the gentle ocean wave bringing me to shore to rest peacefully in the warmth of the sand.

A rainy crappy day

After a fitful night of sleep, I don't see the beauty in small things anymore. My general well being is "shot to hell" because of yesterdays surprise. To top it off, I had a dentist appointment today for another deep cleaning on the other side of my mouth and a hit to my wallet. I thought, "Forget the Novocaine, I would welcome the pain, drill the hell away". Anything would be better than what I'm feeling right now. Since I'm not allowed to eat or drink and didn't want to go home after the appointment, I went the pier in Pacifica. It was raining too hard to get out and didn't feel like dealing with the rain and all, so I stayed in the warmth of my heated truck. I sat and watched the muddy green ocean waves crest and break over the rock barrier. A few people strolled the boardwalk and braved the windy cold air as the rain continued it's assault causing me to shiver. Being restless, I didn't stay too long at the beach. What was once an enjoyable thing for me to do, was now unpleasant. I made my way home, changed out of my clothes and into my sweats. After several unanswered cell calls this morning, the last call from Lynn was at 11:06am. I'm sure she got my email by now. Where's that Motrin? I'm going back to sleep.