Before Humira

I was a complete mess of human less flesh. The pain was excruciating and my body was not mine. It felt alien and unknown to me. My joints were very hard to control let alone involve movement of any kind. Flareups? What the hell is that? In the dictionary the meaning: to start up or burst out in sudden, fierce activity or passion. This definitely was not passion! My immune system was on an all out assault throughout my body. I was not ready for this type of vicious attack. My diagnosis floored me. What? Where? How? Why me? In the end, all of this points to, "No Cure"! I think I've said this a time or two but only as a reminder to myself. I've signed on to a research company in San Francisco as a participant of RA and in the hope of them finding a cure for this terrible disease. So far, all of my medications have been working for me. As I look back to the time without Humira and where I was, it was a dark time for me. I was going through quite a bit of depression, but there was so much for me to do to keep my mind off of what I was feeling that there was no time for me to sit back and feel sorry for myself. I had a family to be in charge of, an unfinished kitchen remodel, employers that I had to work for and bills to pay. There was just too much to do and I was not going to let this disease hamper me in any way. I put my life in the hands of a world renown Rheumatologist and whatever he said to take as far as medications, I took. So far, his advice of resting, medication and monitoring are working. I am back to a full work schedule, my kitchen is finished and my family and friends still loves me. I am in a better state of mind and a much peaceful place of body.

Kick butt hours

working just to survive in the state of California. My paycheck borders on the amount of hours that I pick up to pay my mortgage, bills with very little actually going to me. I was able to "max out" my credit cards during my four months off from work and have to pay the least amount due. Minimum wage has supposedly gone up and you have to figure on that type of paycheck, you won't be able to afford much. President Bush will be issuing approximately $600 dollars back to the tax paying people to spur spending on our already outrageously overpriced state. As long as consumer price goes up, six hundred dollars means nothing to anyone. Being a single mom working the hours that I do, I have to trust that my 14 year old son will do his homework, cook his own dinner and get himself to school. Most of the time, without my supervision. Versus when I was at home, he enjoyed the home cooked meals every night, late night talks and my constant presence of being at home. That was enjoyable for me and it took a disease to say, "time out" and take the much needed time off.
My erratic work schedule and the over load of hours that I have picked up will insure a healthy paycheck but my son will be the ultimate sacrifice. THAT is what I do not want, to neglect my son because of my work schedule. Luckily, we have a good line of communication and he is a wonderful son, a bit lazy, but a good son. For now, work will have to come first if I am to stay in my home. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for a good outcome.

Great start

to my New Year by staying home in my robe and slippers all day today, watched the Law and Order marathon, answered emails and feasted to my heart's content. This was the day where I did absolutely nothing, no opening any paper mail, paid no bills, did not drive anywhere, no shopping, no outing with friends, no concerts or walks in the park, nada! I'm in supreme bliss in my overstuffed reclining chair with the T.V. blaring a senseless commercial as I have caught myself napping only to awaken to the sound of MTV's hype on "Tila Tequila". Pathetic woman, is she who picked a man who's heart she will break over the real woman she could have had and should have picked but would have broken her heart as well.
I'm enjoying my quiet time and this is the only day that I will be seduced into being this unsystematic with myself. I'm due back to work on January 16th with my uniform pressed, prim and proper reporting to the front-line. I wouldn't say that I'm being thrown back in with the wolves but rather reaquainting myself. I have over twenty five years of customer service experience, eleven of which are at the airport and I take great pleasure and pride in what I do. Days like today will be far and few in between with the work I do and how active my life is and will get. I look forward, wholeheartedly, to seeing my friends and co-workers whom I've missed and my work, immensely.

Mid afternoon

I finally got out of the house and went to my place of employment where I am currently on sick leave because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis. My job has a "welfare" system for it's employees, if we fall victims to illness, financial burden, destruction that diminishes our capacity to work, they help us out with monies donated by employees into a fund where we never have to pay it back. It's a donation deposited by employees and it's there for who ever has need. And right now, I have need because I am falling behind on my monthly mortgage and other necessary utility bills. There is paperwork to fill out, printouts from my payroll and my doctors verification that I need to submit in order to be approved for this "donation". I'm crossing my fingers for it. In the meantime, I'm getting my documentation for my loan and what I qualify for since I am no longer making the money I used to make when I was gainfully employed. I'll be submitting that tomorrow. It was nice to see everyone at work. The airport is really slow right now and flights are not as full. It's a good time to travel. Unfortunately my flight benefits are restricted because of my illness, which means, I'm not able to travel for "free". I was at the airport for quite awhile and got invited to our "beer breakfast" which happens when everyone is off from work at 1:00am. We frequent an establishment called "Peter's cafe" and it's open 24 hours except for Mondays. It's true that some of us do have a beer or two and it has to be off the table by 1:45am because of the liquor laws. It's usually our time to get together and talk about the evening and how it went.
Nani came home tonight rather early from her job. She usually doesn't get home until after 11:00pm. She did go to work today and received her check which she was not too happy about because they missed a few of her sales and did not show up on this check. I feel her pain, because she is a hard worker and really wants to make it in this job of selling vacuums but to get a check for $152 dollars after two weeks working 10 hour days? C'mon now, give these kids a break. This isn't the slave days....pay them! She was gracious enough to give me $90 dollars of it which will go towards gas and a ticket she recently got parked on the wrong side of the road. I can taste that beer right now.

Woman bloggers

are wonderful writers. Being on this domain, I have read many good stories, ideas, how-to's about everything you could ever want to read. I can attest that my writing skills aren't the best and sometimes start to ramble on up the wall but i have loved writing ever since my high school years many moons ago. I like poetry and can sometimes get into a zone about a subject. Thank goodness for the Internet or I would be lost and then I would have to go out and buy a newspaper and read about subjects that I'm not interested in or news that most people don't talk about...homosexuality, gay or lesbian. How ever you look at it, it's always not good news in the media.
I wanted to get my early thank you out to you, the reader, because you've read this far and to all the bloggers and writers for putting yourselves out there and offering personal views and insights of your everyday life. Thank you for helping me step out! {doing little dance steps}
So, a little bit about me. I'm 45, three children two girls and a boy, ages 24, 22, 14 respectively, my ethnicity is Hawaiian, Chinese, Tahitian, Filipina and divorced for three years from a man. I have been partnered for 8 years with my one and only Lynn, a woman, who's ethnicity is Polish, Irish and a good ol' southern gal from Tennessee. I love "Haole" women especially my Lynn! I'm unemployed right now actually on disability and being treated for rheumatoid arthritis by a sometimes smart alecky male doctor who is the best in the business. I am an EBay fanatic, craigslist groupie and garage sale queen. I'm your double dollar couponer, buy one get one free queen and if it's free, I'm your princess {batting my eyelashes} with a smile. I've got a big truck and she's got a gentle set of lungs that you'll hear when i turn the corner. She's my "Betty". I love that truck and what women doesn't?
Being off from work is very hard for me because I'm used to going to work, making my way out the door and looking forward to seeing my co-workers. I have a great repoire with them. Now with all this free time, I'm busier than ever! I've been finishing up on a remodeled kitchen that's taken the better part of a year to complete with my brother. Don't hire family! Even if it's for free! I've been giving my best friend a ride to work at 5:00am on a journey that takes about 40 minutes each way and just helping her out because she doesn't have a car. My friends call me from work wondering when I'll be back to work. My due date back is December 15th but I think I'm going to get my doctor to write me in after January 2008. I don't want to deal with all the madness during the holiday season. I gravely miss travelling. Jumping on a plane and going somewhere.
And blogging. It's been a key factor in my life right now. It's addictive, fun and keeps my mind active. Once I start back at work, I'm hoping to keep this up. Unfortunately life gets in the way and the posts become infrequent. We shall see.