Fatigue

sets in as my long enduring hours of standing and constant work keeps my body from getting it's proper rest. I am right back to my old self again working tremendous hours a day for somewhat low wages and I cannot afford to do part-time work. In order to maintain my mortgage, bills and credit cards, I have to work maniac hours. By the time that I finish my work shift in the morning, I am completely exhausted by the time I get home. I have little time to nibble on something to eat before falling effortlessly to the comfort of my flannel sheets and firmness of my bed only to wake up at eleven in the evening in time to catch the news. I had a few tasks to do today but was too tired to complete any of them, one of which was to go to the bank and transfer some money which I will have to do tomorrow and to get a lab checkup for my primary on my glucose levels to test for diabetes which is an annual thing for me due to that it runs in my family. I want to try to prevent any diseases that my parents had and keep myself in check so that I can live a long comfortable life. Basically, whatever tests that I can afford under my insurance, I want it done.
I talked to Lynn on the phone and our conversations have been somewhat short due to our work schedules and family time. But we always manage to get a few moments in. She was a little upset tonight because Greg wants her to go to Hawaii with his mother, daughter and him for a family reunion. Lynn is not at all convinced that she is invited to go by her mother-in-law but at Greg's insistence. It would also be around the time that her daughter Camden would be coming home from London and we would be going there to escort her back which he seems to have forgotten. I told her that it sounds a little "fishy" to me since he initially wanted his "girlfriend" Pam to come up with her grandson in the summer to stay and visit which Lynn is "dead set" against because of her manipulating tendencies and destructiveness of self with no concerns of anyone but her own. I have met the woman and my take on her is completely opposite of what I would imagine Greg with as a partner. Her physique is slender and petite with short sandy brown hair with blonde highlights. She seems very fragile and shaken. I would not be attracted to her in the least if she were an eligible lesbian woman. Their talks will continue and I will lend my ear for listening and trying very hard not to be critical of what developes.

Personal Escort

for Lynn's daughter Camden as we breezed through custom and security lines of the checkpoint. Her check in at the ticket counter was uneventful and the agent seemed to like her travel outfit for Business First. Lynn and I exchanged some money for British pounds which didn't amount to much. $222.00 and some change only got us $100.00 British! Our dollar is worthless in the free world and I'm hoping it will have a better outlook soon. I could sense the stress in Lynn's voice when she called me in the morning to get a reality check and a shoulder to lean on. You can't comfort a worried mom about her daughter going away for six months. No matter what age, all moms worry! When I arrived at the airport, I could see the worried look and fatigue on Camden's parents face. I had that same look when ever my own children would step out the door and had to trust that they would be fine.
With Camden anxious to be at the gate, she said her goodbye's, kisses and hugs to her parents and we were on our way to the gate. Since I was in uniform blue, I was a direct target for the unending questions that usually come with my job. "Where is gate 93?" "How do I get to A17?" Looking at Camden, I joked with her, "It comes with the territory!" She laughed under her nervousness worrying about being on standby as she has never been in this situation of not having a seat before boarding. Lynn called me on my cell phone from outside of security to make sure everything was ok. Just then an unexpected gate change announcement was made and everyone in the boarding area literally picked up and trampled their way to the escalator. Luckily for us, we were right at the escalator entrance and quickly got there before everyone else. Lynn was hearing the commotion wondering "what the heck is going on?" I told of her a gate change and we were making our way to the new gate area and said that I would call her back. Once at the other gate, Camden checked in with an agent to let her know that she was there. While we waited, we chatted about my daughter Nani, my son, her sister missing her, her worried parents, her excitement to be in London for the next five months, the start of College less than a month when she comes back and her blog. I thought, "what a well rounded daughter she is". She will go far in life and make a difference. Hearing here last name announced, she approached the counter with me following on the heels of her white shoes. The boarding pass was given to Camden with 13E on it. I thought middle seat and asked if Camden could have an aisle seat. The agent quickly retorted, "In economy!" I took another look at her boarding pass and sure enough, it stated that she was sitting in "Business Class"! I became excited for Camden and told her that she had hit the jackpot. We quietly held our contained excitement to our final hug and well wishes as she boarded through the Business Class line. Camden's smile was as wide as the grand canyon, priceless. As she disappeared through the door, I waited a few minutes taking a look at the 777 airplane she was travelling on, thinking, she is going to have a wonderful time. I did not call Lynn back and told Camden to call her mother letting her know that she got a seat on the flight and made my way back to where Lynn would be waiting. As we sat down in the restaurant area to a cappuccino and pastry, Lynn couldn't contain herself any longer as she started to cry. She knew this day would come to let go of her daughter. We as mothers all have to do this at some point in our lives. Hers was today. I held her hand as we sat in our quietness while the flurry of airport activity and noise swirled around us. I offered to drive her home and we talked more. Feeling less worried, Lynn was comforted in her thoughts of letting go, a little at a time.

Rollercoaster

week for me since I've been back to work. I've picked up hours like crazy to pad my paycheck in anticipation of paying my monthly mortgage and a host of other bills that I have due. I should just about clear them all. I will definitely be completing my taxes this weekend and hoping to receive that within two weeks time. My company is also giving my profit sharing check next week on Valentine's Day, which will be a welcomed addition to my bank account. I am also trying to find the time to fly to Las Vegas to pick up some freebies that my Diamond Status with Harrah's has allowed me comp rooms and prizes in a way of enticing me to exclusively use only their casino group. I'm here to tell you, it's working! For the month of February, I will pick up a Starbucks coffee maker, grinder, coffee and travel mugs, gratis, courtesy of the Paris Hotel in conjunction with Harrah's. I've invited Lynn and her daughter to fly with me to Las Vegas. Lynn's daughter will be flying to London during the week of Feb 24th. She will be a volunteer at the Pax Lodge for about 5 months and receiving a stipend plus room and board. It is a wonderful opportunity for her and she will meet other young women from other cultures and what a time she will have. I'm jealous! So, I thought if they flew with me to Las Vegas, we could all have some fun together and enjoy the sights. I'll find out next week.
Work has been very busy and there's talk about Delta and Northwest merger that has the industry as a whole, up in arms. It is a waiting game and may the best airline win.

10 Seconds

for Camden's sendoff video for London is a surprise video to take with her made for in part by her little sister. It was a very thoughtful idea, when Lynn told this to me and that I was picked to help in her endeavor. It touched my heart so much so that I thought I would totally get into the spirit of things and dress up as "Aunty Aloha" when Lynn came to pick me up for our "Respect" dance day. My Aunty Aloha get up was an aloha shirt adorned with leis of all types, kukui, shell, feather, ribbon and pennies topped off with a Chinese fishing hat made out of palm leaves a few summers ago at a family reunion in Hawaii and big showy sunglasses. I looked pretty hilarious as Lynn taped me coming out of the front door of my home wishing Camden well on her journey to London next month. With my adornments put away, Lynn and I were off into the city for our monthly Respect dance night. I sent out emails to our group of women that meet whenever we can letting them know that we were going to be there tonight. As usual, we got there on the early side of things and checked in with Debi and seek out a booth for us. I was expecting Gail and her new girlfriend Ramona to drop in but no exact time was arranged. Lynn and I catch up on kisses, conversation and much needed touches throughout our evening. It's always nice to feel her closeness when we've been away from each other. We dance to a few tunes and enjoy the music. Our hands exploring as if on a mission and our lips softly finding the target kissing zone. As soon as an unfamiliar tune or rap music comes on, it's break time. Finally, Gail and Ramona show up apologizing for being late as a motorcycle ride to Pleasanton sidetracked them. With introductions and hugs finally settled, we conversed more in the privacy of our comfortable booth, danced a few numbers and conversed more like long lost sisters. With the club winding down, we all decided on dinner across the street at a Thai restaurant. Our conversation carried over from the club to a more intimate and quiet setting congratulating Gail on her first ever night out at a women's club. She enjoyed herself very much. Dinner was excellent with a variety of appetizers, soup and main entrees, we were stuffed to our hearts content. Soon it was time to say our goodbyes with hugs and kisses and a safe journey home. It was definitely a nice way to start off a New Year.

Up early

to tackle my day. Life must go on after all. I have make a phone call to the doctors after 10:00am so that they can slot me in to take my Humira shot with a pen looking device I picked up yesterday at Walgreen's. Since I have a great medical plan, this prescription only costed me $25.00 co-payment. After looking at the "you saved" part, it blew me away! My insurance saved me $1654.99!! Can you freakin believe that? Expensive little things and they also need to be refrigerated. For now, my medication calls for an injection every other week. I have a three week vacation coming up in March and I'll have to re-think my destination. This vacation was planned for February, that's when Lynn and I were thinking of escorting her daughter Camden to London and spending a few days there for our mini vacation. I thought for sure I had the correct dates but miss bid my vacation to March. My daughter Nani always says, "things happen for a reason". My excuse is, "I'm gettin' old". Instead, I was thinking on visiting some friends of mine. Pearl and her partner Michelle in Alabama, recently moved Marilee in Atlanta and Angie and her partner in Florida. Maybe my fly boy, the international gay playboy of the skies, Michael, and pay a visit to him in Florida.
So, I have to find some time today to get this shot administered and get my loan papers ready for Sarah this weekend as our ladies group will be going to a few parties. Again to see an old friend in the city who is throwing one at his place. Ken is a long time friend who I haven't seen for at least 10 years since we got together in New Orleans for Halloween when my hula group was there performing for a well to do artsy gentleman. From what I hear, he lives in a loft. I'm not sure if he's partnered. Many of my gay men friends have beautiful huge lofts in the city. Why? So that they can throw the most fabulous parties and galas you have ever seen. Their parties are truly amazing!
I'm steering away from the subject again. I do that quite a bit and don't mean to. I've got to fill out papers for my 401k loan process which didn't get processed for some reason. I'll have to go into work to get a copy of the doctor papers that re-certified me unable to work for this month of December and to pick up my bid sheet for my new work schedule.
I finally wrote an email last night asking Lynn for my small refrigerator back because it belongs to my son. I haven't received an answer yet. I know we are both trying to process what happened this past Monday because I totally cut her off without an explanation or conversation but said everything in a subtle email. It wasn't vicious or attacking because I was hurting and still love her to some magnitude. I'm sure she's hurting and devastated like I am but for different reasons. I thought that I would pick up the "fridge" since I was going to be down that way in San Mateo for my appointment. It could be that I just want to see her again. Hear what she has to say. Or me being an idiot and thinking that I could take her back and forget about everything. My thoughts about us living together in our Golden Years, implosion complete, damage is done. OK Lani, bend over so that I can kick you in the arse and knock some sense into you! Reality sets in and the truth is known. I can't go back, not after what has been done, written, said or otherwise. Move on, Lani, move on! Yes, I will. One step at a time. One step at a time.