Worldly Interests of the travelling slipper

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T18:26:00.000-07:00

as I spend a nice quiet weekend at my favorite Las Vegas Hotel, The Rio. The thought about spending three days alone and by myself is selfish but much needed in my family life of chaos and work. Three days without someone by my side to talk to or have lunch with or to lay out by the pool is selfish, but how many of us can say that or have that kind of time or would want to purposely venture on alone? Not many and yet many of us do. I am connected with my laptop and cell phone yet the urge and necessity for human contact is first and foremost. I regal in my solitude and still feel the pang of loneliness but the thought of my flying back home to unorganized chaos is overwhelming and I sit back in the comfort of my lounge chair in the warmth of the sun hearing sounds of the waterfalls and children playing in the background. My son's birthday is today as he turns 15 years old. A handsome young man, dark features, clean cut, tall, lanky and built, obvious from his workout with free weights. His voice deeper as he ages, is my heart and soul. I wonder about his future and hope that he has the strength to carry him though his life journey of human trial and tribulations. I hope that I am a good enough role model for him as his mother and sometimes father. As I drift off to sleep, I think good thoughts and try not to worry about the negatives in my life and focus more on the positive. I thank God that I am able to rise up from my bed in the morning, to open my eyes and take a deep breath and put my two feet on the floor to stand up and take the first steps in my day. I am very thankful for that.

Mortgage meltdown

2008-05-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

I have been in talks on the phone with my mortgage lenders as my monthly payments have been overwhelming since I was on sick leave for four months and not able to keep up with my mortgage. Foreclosure looms in the distance and I have done everything possible to keep from losing my home. Downey has received my packet information for a loan modification but it will take four to six weeks to process. In the meantime, I am to call back every week to check on the status of the packet and where I am in the process. There is no foreclosure date, yet. I am hoping that they will modify my loan to where I can pay a respectable amount a month and not some outrageous sum for the next year or two. I have made up my mind to try to sell my home and just be a renter. I am totally satisfied with that. I have retained my realtor who sold my father's home in Pacifica and found this nice house in Daly City complete with an in-law apartment downstairs. My oldest daughter, Nani, who rents from me has not paid me any rent and I have told her that I cannot support a 24 year old! I suggested that she go and live with her boyfriend, Sergio, who she has recently gotten back together with and has been seeing. I did catch him on my front door stoop trying to leave an overnight bag that she had forgotten and confronted him about her staying with him. Like any man, he made up excuses that he lives on his own and likes living by himself since his mother moved back to Central America. But he calls my daughter when he wants to spend time with her to stay overnight at his place. Well you know what, Sergio? Take her, the hell, with you! Then I wouldn't have to see your free loading butt in my house! I did tell my daughter that when we sell this house, I will be moving into a 2 bedroom apartment for my son and I only. She's welcome to stay with us, but it will out in the front living room. It is very hard to live in California to afford a home or apartment here. Adult children moving back in with their parents. Children don't want to help their parents out with much especially if the adult children's money is going to important things like, partying with their friends. They eat your food, use your laundry detergent and have no decency to respect your home. It's the "GEN-M's" Generation moochers! I'm only speaking on behalf of my daughter. There may be more out there like her but then again, I know that there are alot of other self respecting young adults who do have their crap together and know what it takes to make it out in the world. Some just take a little longer.

Where have you been?

2008-04-23T15:16:00.000-07:00

It has been some time since I have posted here. I have many half written and almost finished posts that I need to set up to send out but have not had a chance to do that. Work has been tremendously busy as well as my life. My taxes were sent out on the due date online only to be rejected by the IRS due to the father claiming my son on his taxes as a dependant and for what? The boy hardly sees that dead beat anyway. After re-submitting the paper and extra documentation by snail mail, I will again wait for their decision. Also, I am trying to work out a lower payment factor in my mortgage in the hopes of NOT being one of the millions of homeowners who are walking away from their properties and mailing in my keys or the so called "jingle mail" syndrome. Gas prices are high, food prices are even higher. My grocery bill has gone up by at least $50.00 more than usual and we've scaled back on our buying strategies and sticking on what we really need or are going to cook for the next few days. I'm stocking up on soups since that is relatively cheap but loaded with sodium and only for a raining day to fill in. I've been picking up lots of hours at work and padding my paycheck to counter the rising prices of our economy but it's a no win situation. Just try to stay afloat and surviving. My RA has been easy to work with as long as I am taking my medication. Granted, I missed my Humira by three days and I'm hoping that it won't be a big deal when I take my second dose this month, on-time! Lynn finally got her annuity rolled over into an IRA and is very estatic about that but in the same breath, she found out a very good friend and choir sister has passed away today and is feeling very sad about that. I'm hoping that my life will start to unwrinkle the numerous bumps in the road as I go along and trying hard not to think the worse.

Mental illness

2008-04-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

is pervasive and crosses all facets of human life. The Harvard grad doctors make their diagnosis and hand down their unkind verdicts to overwhelmed and financially strapped family members as they listen to what the specialists say. How do I cope? How do I fulfill my obligation as a parent? The helpless feeling that I get when I can't do for my own child. I can only take a step back, observe and listen. I have noticed a significant improvement in my second daughter, Pua, during this year. She is much more coherent, clear and a very good conversationalist. I haven't observed any suicidal tendencies and haven't noticed any more cuts on her arms. We are very close to where she would tell me if she has cut or injured herself. Her outlook on life isn't as bleak as it was two years ago where her mind was in a very dark place. A place I wasn't sure if she could get out from or recognize. With a very good mental health system at the Crestwood facility in Sacramento, they gave her the time she needed to grow into a young woman who today, is much more sure of herself. I am very proud of how far she has come. There were days during her teen years where I wasn't sure if she would make it to her 18th or 21st birthdays. I always had it in the back of my mind that a phone call from the facility or police station would be like a soldier in the military and the chaplain would drive up and knock on your door to give you the news about your child's demise. I would dread that day and to be honest, I don't want to think about it but it is always there in my mind. Pua, has grown into a beautiful young woman who has a lot on her mind. If I could get her to write her own blog, she would have so much to say as a young woman dealing with schizophrenia and depression. She has written very graphic letters depicting her life on the edge, the voices that she constantly hears, the cursing and anger in her words spewing venom on what is going on in her mind. The constant pulling and wires firing in her brain, the sometimes empty look in her eyes of one without a soul. The terror of leaving her at home with family members who did not want to be alone with her for their fear of her and what she could be capable of. I'm talking about my brother who is 5'11" 285 lbs and scared of his neice who is all of 5'6" 145lbs! For the most part of my visits, she is always supervised and I never leave her alone anymore with family members. Our visiting time is always together, shopping, restaurants and overnight visits. The only time she is out of my sight is when she smokes or goes to the restroom. She is not a flight risk and I trust her time out of the facility is doing her good. She is looking forward to getting her own apartment again, this time being a little older and more confident of living on her own. My daughter is a survivor and I love her.

I can’t you idiot! I’m not an able bodied person!!!”

2008-04-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

As quoted by Sasha from "living with RA". I totally know that she means by that statement. People in general, we like to believe, are good citizens in human society. Working at the airport, I know all too well about the living and able bodied people versus the disabled and families travelling with very young children. Impatience does not belong in the flying world of hurried travellers and trying to be the 1st one on board so that you can get your carry on luggage in the overhead bins. We neglect to see this and in our own selfish virtue, we become concerned about number one, ourselves. Travelling in 1st class, they are in their own world. Once they are on that red or blue carpet, who they leave behind in the boarding area is of no concern to them. Usually the next section to board is the frequent flyer's some of whom it can take up to 10 minutes to board alone. Some of them will be agitated since they did not buy or get upgraded to 1st class. Others will be completely beside themselves if families with children or the disabled are boarded before them sometimes causing a scene with their unkind comments or dagger throwing glares. "How dare they be boarded before me!" To these people, I think, 9/11 did not happen, the War in Iraq is a joke, Hitler loved African Americans, everyone is alive and well after the Katrina Hurricane and our economy is doing excellent. I know that these are not true at all. But it is easy to forget, put away and go on in the minds of most Americans. If we keep remembering these things, we might be a little more kinder and not harsh with a driving edge. We might learn to find our purpose and live together just a little longer on this place we call Earth.

Finality

2008-03-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

of it all. I am here in Las Vegas having attended a funeral of a co-worker that I worked with many years ago during my early years. He passed away from a heart attack and left a wife and adult children. Many nice things were said about him and every one of them true. The collage made by his family showed his life and loves. His true age did not show being only 71 years young. As I watched him being lowered into the cement ground vault brought me back to my own father's burial almost nine years ago in the same place of interment, the Veteran's Cemetery located in Boulder City. It was eerie and sad. My own sadness and loss of a parent is hard. It is still nine years later and I foster that void in a part of my heart, a missing link. The final closing of the cement lid and the empty sound that it makes in the breeze of the wind. The harshness of this dessert region combined with the living and the dead is a reality check of how fragile my life is. How life is given and how life is taken, in the blink of an eye, the sighing of a last breath and the light that leads you from now to forever. Surely, If I were to be taken now, I would have so much unfinished business that I don't want to leave my family members without resolving much of it. I would so miss life, the breaths, the joy and my friends and family. What will they think when I can't say goodbye? If I love them with all of my heart and show them, then there is no need to say goodbye

My birthday month

2008-03-17T21:27:00.000-07:00

Here it is, the month of March. Sometimes I feel like such an old lady slowly creeping into my fabulous 50's. I'm almost 4 years away from that number. I've been super busy with my personal life as I have vacation for the next two weeks. I was in Hawaii for my birthday with my good friend Darrell from work. We had a wonderful time doing tourist things, sightseeing, partying and eating. Events that we were not looking for were presented to us on a silver spoon without fail and we went with the flow of things. It's great that we are both like that and make for awesome travel partners. Besides my Lynn, Darrell is the next best thing to a travel companion. We rented a cute little convertible Sebring for two days and toured the rugged country side of Waianae and Makaha. It's desolate beaches and pristine sand made the long journey worth wild. We explored a roadside cave, picnicked alongside the beautiful blue ocean and enjoyed the warmth of the sun with the car top down and my long "ruffly" hair flowing in the wind. We managed to sneak in a parade, saw a Tahitian competition, watched the "girly boys" show off at Queen's beach in Waikiki and had the Royal Hawaiian Pineapple drink at the beautiful "pink palace". Leaving Hawaii is always hard for me because of my roots here. But then again, leaving Hawaii is hard for everyone.

First

2008-03-03T21:29:00.000-08:00

full day off from work and I'm revelling in the peace and quiet. I'm sitting here at the laundromat drying my clothes and piggybacking off of a restaurant wireless Internet which I can always count on. I'm slowing down on my postings due to my work schedule and I'm just too tired to stay up and write. By the time I come home, I'm totally exhausted and fall right away to sleep. Lynn is at her chorus rehearsal and will be calling me soon. We have a party to attend, a 50th, birthday of a lesbian couple that we met last year during the summer at a women's music festival this Saturday. Her partner is throwing this shindig at a Moroccan restaurant complete with belly dancers, champagne and appetizers. It should be a lot of fun. Lynn and I will also be overnighting somewhere close because after drinking a few glasses of wine, we don't want to drive too far and plus we get to spend some much needed time together before I fly off to Hawaii for my birthday. Yes, I will be going without her and will be attending this trip with my good friend Darrell. Time, money and her daughter keeps her from going. Lynn and I will be going to Las Vegas at the end of this month to celebrate a birthday bash at my hotel that always gives me comp rooms. They are throwing a party for all of the March babies. That should be wildly fun too. My last day at work officially will be March 12th and I'll be off from work for the next three weeks. I will most definitely be picking up overtime, if they'll let me. Because of the Easter holiday coming up, we will be swamped and with the amount of sick calls, I would be a good candidate to pick some of that up. My laundry is done and I'm going to the grocery store to pick up some items for home. This is the best time to run errands, when no one is in the store.

News and Internet

2008-02-28T19:57:00.000-08:00

There is such sadness in today's news about death and the people that it happens to. When you realize that your life is so precious that it could be snuffed out in a second be it suddenly or by some horrific circumstance, the news is hard to escape. I try to focus on good and happy news only to divert my eyes to news of shootings, murder, slaughter and cannibalism. What a world I live in. To raise my three children and have them live past the age of 18 is an accomplishment in itself. To let them know of all of the people to avoid only to have their best friend commit suicide. What were his thoughts before he took his life? Would he take some of his friends with him? Enemies? What thoughts run through my children's minds in this day and age? I can only wonder and communicate with them as they weave the path of their lives and journey through this fragile time. I can't help but read the details of events leading up to the crimes, it's unavoidable, it's unexplainable, it's the Internet.

Before Humira

2008-02-27T22:28:00.000-08:00

I was a complete mess of human less flesh. The pain was excruciating and my body was not mine. It felt alien and unknown to me. My joints were very hard to control let alone involve movement of any kind. Flareups? What the hell is that? In the dictionary the meaning: to start up or burst out in sudden, fierce activity or passion. This definitely was not passion! My immune system was on an all out assault throughout my body. I was not ready for this type of vicious attack. My diagnosis floored me. What? Where? How? Why me? In the end, all of this points to, "No Cure"! I think I've said this a time or two but only as a reminder to myself. I've signed on to a research company in San Francisco as a participant of RA and in the hope of them finding a cure for this terrible disease. So far, all of my medications have been working for me. As I look back to the time without Humira and where I was, it was a dark time for me. I was going through quite a bit of depression, but there was so much for me to do to keep my mind off of what I was feeling that there was no time for me to sit back and feel sorry for myself. I had a family to be in charge of, an unfinished kitchen remodel, employers that I had to work for and bills to pay. There was just too much to do and I was not going to let this disease hamper me in any way. I put my life in the hands of a world renown Rheumatologist and whatever he said to take as far as medications, I took. So far, his advice of resting, medication and monitoring are working. I am back to a full work schedule, my kitchen is finished and my family and friends still loves me. I am in a better state of mind and a much peaceful place of body.

Airline Lounge

2008-02-26T07:31:00.000-08:00

is where I am at this week. It is a nice respite from working the gates and ticket counter. Our lounge is one of the best in San Francisco and very comfortable. If you are a frequent flier, a membership into this area is highly advised and recommended. Our lounge features a host of complimentary tidbits such as wifi Internet, choice liquors and finger foods. Most of all a place to get away from the leisure travellers and the airport noise. You can watch T.V. in style and comfort or download email and work related articles or chit chat with our nice bartenders and agents.
For me, it is nice to sit and finally catch up on my email, blogging and bill paying. I am still a little behind in my mortgage one of which I had already paid in December and January when I received a check to help pay for those months. My bank had sent me a delinquency notice for January which I will have to reconcile or else they will send a note to my credit company and put a bad mark on my report. It's all about the credit report that is keeping me from sinking. Already in the outrageously out priced state of California, there are hundreds of foreclosures and I am hoping that I will not be one of them now or in the future.

Fatigue

2008-02-25T23:59:00.000-08:00

sets in as my long enduring hours of standing and constant work keeps my body from getting it's proper rest. I am right back to my old self again working tremendous hours a day for somewhat low wages and I cannot afford to do part-time work. In order to maintain my mortgage, bills and credit cards, I have to work maniac hours. By the time that I finish my work shift in the morning, I am completely exhausted by the time I get home. I have little time to nibble on something to eat before falling effortlessly to the comfort of my flannel sheets and firmness of my bed only to wake up at eleven in the evening in time to catch the news. I had a few tasks to do today but was too tired to complete any of them, one of which was to go to the bank and transfer some money which I will have to do tomorrow and to get a lab checkup for my primary on my glucose levels to test for diabetes which is an annual thing for me due to that it runs in my family. I want to try to prevent any diseases that my parents had and keep myself in check so that I can live a long comfortable life. Basically, whatever tests that I can afford under my insurance, I want it done.
I talked to Lynn on the phone and our conversations have been somewhat short due to our work schedules and family time. But we always manage to get a few moments in. She was a little upset tonight because Greg wants her to go to Hawaii with his mother, daughter and him for a family reunion. Lynn is not at all convinced that she is invited to go by her mother-in-law but at Greg's insistence. It would also be around the time that her daughter Camden would be coming home from London and we would be going there to escort her back which he seems to have forgotten. I told her that it sounds a little "fishy" to me since he initially wanted his "girlfriend" Pam to come up with her grandson in the summer to stay and visit which Lynn is "dead set" against because of her manipulating tendencies and destructiveness of self with no concerns of anyone but her own. I have met the woman and my take on her is completely opposite of what I would imagine Greg with as a partner. Her physique is slender and petite with short sandy brown hair with blonde highlights. She seems very fragile and shaken. I would not be attracted to her in the least if she were an eligible lesbian woman. Their talks will continue and I will lend my ear for listening and trying very hard not to be critical of what developes.

Piggybacking

2008-02-24T23:40:00.000-08:00

on my wireless connections has been much harder to access lately. Everyone has locked in and blocked me from piggy backing off of their servers. Serves me right that I need to get my own wireless router to have my own access. My son dominates the Internet at home due to school and what not. I am left to my own devices at work or when I can get online at home so catching up on my blog has been a little bit more tricky.
What a stormy day it was at the airport and sure enough flight delays abound. We tried to accommodate as many customers as we possible could with full flights and other airlines. I'm sure many misconnected and will have to overnight in those connecting cities. There is nothing that we, as an airline, that we could do to accommodate all of our passengers. I have a full shift today and tonight and will need to go home and nap before the start of my evening shift. I received a very nice paycheck this time due to the fact that I'm picking up more hours versus my sick time paycheck which was pitiful. I can't neglect my health and will need to rest when I can and hopefully I will when I get home.

Personal Escort

2008-02-22T00:15:00.000-08:00

for Lynn's daughter Camden as we breezed through custom and security lines of the checkpoint. Her check in at the ticket counter was uneventful and the agent seemed to like her travel outfit for Business First. Lynn and I exchanged some money for British pounds which didn't amount to much. $222.00 and some change only got us $100.00 British! Our dollar is worthless in the free world and I'm hoping it will have a better outlook soon. I could sense the stress in Lynn's voice when she called me in the morning to get a reality check and a shoulder to lean on. You can't comfort a worried mom about her daughter going away for six months. No matter what age, all moms worry! When I arrived at the airport, I could see the worried look and fatigue on Camden's parents face. I had that same look when ever my own children would step out the door and had to trust that they would be fine.
With Camden anxious to be at the gate, she said her goodbye's, kisses and hugs to her parents and we were on our way to the gate. Since I was in uniform blue, I was a direct target for the unending questions that usually come with my job. "Where is gate 93?" "How do I get to A17?" Looking at Camden, I joked with her, "It comes with the territory!" She laughed under her nervousness worrying about being on standby as she has never been in this situation of not having a seat before boarding. Lynn called me on my cell phone from outside of security to make sure everything was ok. Just then an unexpected gate change announcement was made and everyone in the boarding area literally picked up and trampled their way to the escalator. Luckily for us, we were right at the escalator entrance and quickly got there before everyone else. Lynn was hearing the commotion wondering "what the heck is going on?" I told of her a gate change and we were making our way to the new gate area and said that I would call her back. Once at the other gate, Camden checked in with an agent to let her know that she was there. While we waited, we chatted about my daughter Nani, my son, her sister missing her, her worried parents, her excitement to be in London for the next five months, the start of College less than a month when she comes back and her blog. I thought, "what a well rounded daughter she is". She will go far in life and make a difference. Hearing here last name announced, she approached the counter with me following on the heels of her white shoes. The boarding pass was given to Camden with 13E on it. I thought middle seat and asked if Camden could have an aisle seat. The agent quickly retorted, "In economy!" I took another look at her boarding pass and sure enough, it stated that she was sitting in "Business Class"! I became excited for Camden and told her that she had hit the jackpot. We quietly held our contained excitement to our final hug and well wishes as she boarded through the Business Class line. Camden's smile was as wide as the grand canyon, priceless. As she disappeared through the door, I waited a few minutes taking a look at the 777 airplane she was travelling on, thinking, she is going to have a wonderful time. I did not call Lynn back and told Camden to call her mother letting her know that she got a seat on the flight and made my way back to where Lynn would be waiting. As we sat down in the restaurant area to a cappuccino and pastry, Lynn couldn't contain herself any longer as she started to cry. She knew this day would come to let go of her daughter. We as mothers all have to do this at some point in our lives. Hers was today. I held her hand as we sat in our quietness while the flurry of airport activity and noise swirled around us. I offered to drive her home and we talked more. Feeling less worried, Lynn was comforted in her thoughts of letting go, a little at a time.

Delayed

2008-02-21T23:35:00.000-08:00

out of Las Vegas due to San Francisco weather. My flight on US AIR was running about an hour and a half behind schedule. I was truly hoping it would not be delayed any further as I have a rescheduled RA appointment at 4:00pm. As a standby employee, I was cleared immediately by the nice male gate agent who gave me an aisle seat close to the front of the aircraft. With another SFO flight that was scheduled and now delayed, the agent working that one started piling passengers onto my flight which was now going to be very full. Needless to say, I made it. While waiting in the boarding area, I noticed "Dog, the bounty hunter", from Hawaii sitting at the slot machine area being closely watched by his co-worker/body guard. In a few seconds, his wife Beth showed up by his side and you can't miss her! I tried to dish out my camera from my bag but they were gone at the sound of the 1st class boarding announcement for Phoenix. That would have been a sweet picture.
My flight home was a little turbulent as we landed in raining San Francisco a little after 2:00pm. I drove home to check up on my son and the house and let Lynn know that I landed safely.
I had not seen my RAtologist since December when I started my Humira injections. In between that time, I have taken a few blood tests at the lab and so far, he is very pleased at where my marks are. My SED rate when I first started in August was over 100 when my Primary doctor diagnosed me. My RA, one week later pegged it at 96. Today, he stated it was at 32. He lowered my Prednisone from one and half tablet to one only. I'm still taking one folic acid and one multi-vitamin daily. 4 tablets of Methotrexate is still taken weekly. He was also very pleased to hear that I have not taken any Aleve or Motrin for pain. I would really rather feel the pain than NOT to feel any pain. How else can I identify if my body is hurting? My visits with him will be twice a year and hopefully down to once a year unless anything significant happens between now and then. I'll still be coming in monthly for more expanded blood tests which he will CC to my primary doctor. I am very happy that he's happy. I feel wonderful right now and very pleased with the results of my medication. Sure, I've gained a bit of weight versus the pain but to keep myself in check and back to normal, it's worth a little weight gain.

Poolside

2008-02-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

at the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas as I am comfortable in my lounge chair feeling the gentle breeze of the wind waft over my body and the warmth of the sunshine upon me. What a grand feeling knowing that I don't have to be anywhere at anytime with anyone, decadent! So far, I have not won anything on the silver mechanical monstrosities called slot machines. My budget was very low coming to Vegas in the first place with only one thing in mind....picking up my Starbucks coffee kit. Relaxed as I am, this will be my last night here in this beautiful hotel. I will be leaving early in the morning to catch whatever flight that will get me home in time for my RAtologist appointment at 4:00pm which was originally scheduled for today. About an hour in the sun was good and called it a day for the pool and started towards the spa for another workout on the treadmill and bicycle. I love my Diamond Card and all the perks that go with it. After an hour of working out, I made my way back to my room to rest and take advantage of my tub for a bubble bath, delicious! Only to shower off and take a short nap before going to the Diamond Lounge for something to eat. I met quite a few personable waitstaff while here in the lounge and it shows that they truly enjoy what they're doing. Rustin and Mario remember me from previous nights ago and nod, "Good to see you again!". I make my way over to my usual corner of the dining room in my two seater booth tucked away in a nook. Again, sandwiches are the main course with crispy chicken wings and dim sum rounding out the hors d'oeuvre menu. Drinks flow freely here and the patrons come and go. I take my white zinfandel and a cappuccino for drinks while noshing away on the canapes, deserts and appetizers. My belly full again, I bid adieu to the staff that has treated me as if they have known me for ages and set out to find a winning machine.

Starbuck Coffee Kit

2008-02-19T23:56:00.000-08:00

was delivered to my room by the hotel staff. I was to pick it up between 3:00pm-8:00pm at the Rio Hotel but instead of inconveniencing me, the Rio had it sent over. What a perk! They thought of everything. Now that's what I call service.
Since it was a beautiful warm day, I made my way to the pool after eleven am. I wanted to check out what the Paris Hotel had to offer. The pool is located on the 3rd floor of the Paris and the outdoor pool is nicely situated beneath the replica of the "Eiffel Tower". It is an impressive backdrop. I niched myself into a nice little area as the tower loomed above me. I think I took enough pictures of the courtyard to add to my Virtual tourist site which needs some updating. After about an hour of sunning, I took the elevator to the 2nd floor where the spa was located. This particular spa costs $25.00 to use but with my Diamond Card, I am allowed in free of charge along with a guest. I worked out on the treadmill and the bicycle. This is definitely larger than the Bally's spa with basically the same amenities. After about an hour of working out, I wanted to find out about picking up my Starbucks coffee maker and made my way back to my room. That's when I found out my coffee kit was at the front desk. After talking with Lynn and catching up on our day, I was ready for a nap and to partake in another visit to the Diamond Lounge.

Bumped!

2008-02-18T22:54:00.000-08:00

After waking up at 9am, I finally got ready, packed and out the door to catch my 1:35pm flight to Las Vegas which was delayed to 2:30pm. I always call Lynn to let her know where I'm at and if I made my flight. We're communicative that way.
Boarding was complete, standbys were cleared and I had a row to myself. There is only so much that you could do on a 90 minute flight which left room for reading and snoozing, two of my all time greats! We landed with little fanfare in the glitzy city of Las Vegas and I made my way to the numerous shuttle services offered. The bus was full of patrons as we made our way to hotel after hotel until we finally arrived at the Rio All Suite Hotel. I checked in at the Diamond Services area and within a few minutes, I could see there was a dilemma. The woman checking me in advised me that they had "oversold" their rooms with conference attendees and wanted to keep the massive group together. My room would be offered to me if I still wanted it and If I took the offer to be put up at another hotel, this is what they would offer. My new digs would be the Paris Hotel, $100.00 in food vouchers, $100.00 cash, $100.00 in gambling chips and a limo ride to my hotel instead of the taxi or shuttle. I didn't blink an eyelash and quickly took the offer to help out the staff. They were very grateful and I was elated at all the goodies that I received. I inquired about my Starbucks kit and she advised me not to worry about it and to call in tomorrow for details to the concierge Diamond desk.
With my prizes in hand, my limo was a short wait and a short ride to the Paris Hotel. I checked in at the Diamond registration desk and was personably greeted by Jasmine who offered me a room on the 23rd floor at room 2349P. All the excitement of this day has worn me out and I couldn't wait to see my room. I thought, what type of room ends with a P? Upon entering my room, it was one of two in a corner niche of the hotel. With detailed elegance, the room was magnificent. A large king bed greeted me with a nice setti across from it housed in front of a large bay window peering kitty corner to "the strip". Another bay window looked out towards the airport and the mountains. In front of it sat two individual comfortable aqua green chair amid a large armoire housing the T.V and the ample drawer space for my personal belongings. The bathroom was quite spacious with a tub, shower and large vanity. The sign on the back of my door states that this particular room rents for $2000.00 a night, single or double occupancy. A third person is $150.00 extra! What extravagance!
I needed to feed my hunger and visited the Diamond lounge which was the opulence of what a lounge should be. Nicely appointed in dark cherry wood interior and the waitstaff in black and white suit and tie made this lounge elegant and professional. Dedicated to service, no one waited long for a table or to be asked what they would like to drink. Liquor flowed freely as did the appetizers which were replenished as soon as it was low. There was enough waitstaff to notice who were the new entrants and if you needed another drink. They were very attentive and professional. Fully satisfied from this type of meal, I did not need to visit the buffet or cafe. Instead I was on a mission to find my machine in this new hotel of luxury.

Sweetie's Day

2008-02-16T23:30:00.000-08:00

I always look forward to spending time with my sweetheart, Lynn. Our time together is far and few in between and it was not our intention we were going to pack up our U-haul and move in together after our first or second or even our third date. We were definitely attracted to each other from the first day we met. Haole (Caucasian) woman is my weakness and long brown hair down to her waist, is an absolute plus.
Our time together sometime involves either one or both of her daughters at home, each doing their own thing. This time was Camden, who is getting ready for her trip to London next week. Bryn left with her father on a church snow trip to Lake Tahoe. I usually putter around the house or am on the computer playing video games which Lynn has me "hooked" on Jewel Quest II. Tonight, we shared responsibilities in cooking. Since she did the "lioness's" share, I cleaned the dishes and tidied up the kitchen. Sharing household duties and chores is a lesson in life of working together with the dependability and levelheadedness of knowing that a relationship takes two. It may not always be 50/50 but the rationality and maturity that comes along with knowing your partner should not be a burden.

Fifth shot, right thigh, missed a day

2008-02-15T12:57:00.002-08:00

It still doesn't get easier as I continue to inject myself with the Humira medication. I still talk myself into it and still wince upon application of it to my thigh area. I imagine that when I'm 65, I will be more tolerant of this procedure. I missed yesterday's injection due to that I work through several shifts and did not have the Humira with me. My RA said to take it immediately the next day and resume my injection the next time. I felt so bloated and swollen yesterday that during a few brief break times, I was able to put my feet up and rest. I felt much better after a nap and I promised that I will not ever work that type of shift again. Working 20 plus hours in a day is crazy, so what was I thinking? I have to learn to say "NO"!
I rested all day today and if felt good to stay in bed until 10:00am. After some leisure time, I got ready to run some errands before the weekend. I dropped into the lab to submit more blood for my RA appointment next week, visited the bank to make a deposit and filled up my truck tank with gas for forty dollars which does not go a long way anymore.
Coming home to a quiet environment, I relish the thought of taking another nap but instead I watch the American Idol reruns that I TiVo'd and have a plate of leftover spaghetti.

20 Hour day

2008-02-14T23:58:00.000-08:00

My work schedule was continuous as I picked up shifts and strung them together due to co-workers needing to leave work early and some much needed overtime. My payroll specialist will have a fit to see what hours I have accumulated today. My shift started out at 5:00-9:00am for overtime. I worked my own shift from 9:00a-1:00p and finished the remaining shift of a co-worker from 1:00p-3:15. From 3:15p-7:00p, I started the shift of another co-worker, who left for Mexico City with her husband. 7:00p-12:00a, I worked for another co-worker who needed the day off to be at home with her children and from 12:00a-1:00a for overtime to help out with full flights and sick calls. But that doesn't count the 4:00am wake up time and my getting home at 1:30am. In all, it was a very long day and I could definitely see myself dragging as the afternoon wore on. I managed to nap between flights and stay off my feet at times but I could feel the fatigue from not fully resting like I should have been doing. With my mortgage due and other bills close behind, surviving to stay in my home takes precedence. With all the picking up of my hours, I also neglected to take my Humira shot and didn't plan on missing today and will have to make up for it by taking it in the morning tomorrow. My company sponsored a pizza day to celebrate Valentines day and our profit sharing day which was a very nice gesture.
At 5:00am, coming to work in the dark and leaving at 1:00am in the dark tells me that I've been here too long. Happy Valentine's Day.

Counseling session

2008-02-13T23:29:00.000-08:00

ends for me and I will not be seeing Dr. Snow today with Lynn. Since our line of communication has been improved and my better understanding of what she is going through, we agreed that there was no further need to my continue visits.
I picked up some overtime shifts in the morning in addition to my own work schedule and will be returning again, tonight. In between, I have errands to run and dinner to cook which will leave me little time to nap. My biggest fear would be over sleeping and I have set three alarms at fifteen minute intervals to wake me. I always manage to wake to the last alarm and ready myself for work. Tomorrow is our pizza and profit sharing day. A VP from my company will be by to visit and talk with co-workers about our environment and answer questions. It will be interesting.
I went shopping for basic foods and always end up buying more than what I need, especially for my son. He drinks alot of juices and I need to keep him hydrated. Water has been a mainstay in our home. I cooked up a huge pot of spaghetti to, hopefully, last a few days. Nothing lasts too long in my household and gets devoured very quickly. I managed to start the process of filing my taxes online with Tax Slayer. They charge 9.95 to do my returns including the State and it is fairly easy. I have been using this company for several years and am very happy with the ease of it's program and the return rate of my monies for refunds. I'm hoping to complete this by the weekend.

Sunrise

2008-02-12T21:58:00.000-08:00

during my early morning shifts this past week have been spectacular. After all the rain that we had in the previous weeks, this was a welcomed sight. The grey amber sky lighting up the San Mateo Bridge in the background on a clear day is particularly breathtaking. Purple, pink and amber hues wake behind the mountain to start a colorful warm day shaking off the chill of dawn. Before the powerful noise of airline engines roar or clanging metal from speeding tugs carrying cargo ever begin, the airport is eerily quiet and movement stands still. Squawking geese and other migrating birds can be heard in the distance while the faint sound of the bay sends shivers down my spine. The amorous scent of baked cookies at the It's It factory sends me salivating for a cup of chocolate mocha from the vending machine. The light wind kisses me softly as if to greet me and the brilliant sun radiates to warm me. A moment in time that seems to stand still for me to relish, savor and remember a beautiful day such as this.

Kick butt hours

2008-02-11T23:31:00.000-08:00

working just to survive in the state of California. My paycheck borders on the amount of hours that I pick up to pay my mortgage, bills with very little actually going to me. I was able to "max out" my credit cards during my four months off from work and have to pay the least amount due. Minimum wage has supposedly gone up and you have to figure on that type of paycheck, you won't be able to afford much. President Bush will be issuing approximately $600 dollars back to the tax paying people to spur spending on our already outrageously overpriced state. As long as consumer price goes up, six hundred dollars means nothing to anyone. Being a single mom working the hours that I do, I have to trust that my 14 year old son will do his homework, cook his own dinner and get himself to school. Most of the time, without my supervision. Versus when I was at home, he enjoyed the home cooked meals every night, late night talks and my constant presence of being at home. That was enjoyable for me and it took a disease to say, "time out" and take the much needed time off.
My erratic work schedule and the over load of hours that I have picked up will insure a healthy paycheck but my son will be the ultimate sacrifice. THAT is what I do not want, to neglect my son because of my work schedule. Luckily, we have a good line of communication and he is a wonderful son, a bit lazy, but a good son. For now, work will have to come first if I am to stay in my home. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for a good outcome.

Dyke's, Femme's

2008-02-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

and everything in between as Lynn and I checkout the Respect women's tea dance night held at Harry Denton's Rouge on Polk Street and Broadway. Being "Gold Card" holders, we are admitted to any dance that DJ Page Hodel "spins" at, free of charge. It is a nice little perk that we acquired during our early years meeting Page courtesy of our good friend Marilee who now lives in Atlanta.
As we scan the dance floor for friends that we know, I notice a couple that used to be together and are now "broken up". It seems that they are still civil towards each other and instead of their hands and lips all over each other, they are at opposite corners of the club watching intently what the other does. I'm sure it must be very awkward but they seem to take it in stride. Their fake smiles beguiling the hurt they must be feeling. Their circle of friends carefully shielding them from any further damage. The feelings that they still share for each other are noted in their truthful glances.
Shelly and Mary introduced themselves and asked if they could sit at our booth. Being the Valentine's weekend many of the tables had reserve signs on them and hardly anywhere for a gal to sit. Introductions aside, we found out that both women are in the nursing field. Shelly lives in Modesto and Mary lives in Los Gatos and have been dating each other off and on for about 5 months. They have an "open relationship" and date other woman. In the queendom of lesbianism, there are relationships of all kinds.

Burglarized

2008-02-09T22:55:00.000-08:00

My good friend Sarah whom we helped move some weeks ago into her rental house in Vallejo was burglarized one week after moving in! She called upon myself and a few of her friends to help her remove into a gated apartment complex today. Darrell picked me up and we drove over the Bay bridge together to keep each other company on the long drive over. We met up with Sarah, Norma and Sarah's mother who were helping her box up items that should have been packed before we arrived. After giving me the keys to the 30 foot U-haul rental truck, I was designated driver since everyone else was too afraid to drive it and I had a better handle on driving large vehicles. Darrell and I immediately proceeded to load the large items and were joined by the everyone packing it onto the truck. Five hours later, we were done with 80 percent of the house and ready to move it into her new apartment. Maneuvering the large truck into the complex was fairly easy and the only hazard was the carport overhang which I did not want to damage. With Darrell as my escort, he guided me in the blind spots. We quickly unloaded everything in under three hours. Perspiring, exhausted and hungry, we took a quick break. As Sarah's diligence in setting up her apartment to a normalcy grew urgent, so did our departure from moving the rest of her belongings. Darkness swiftly descended upon us and it was time to take the truck back. With all of the unloading completed, our weary bones tired and ready to make the long journey home. Thoughts of a long hot shower and a nice glass of wine quickly snapped back to reality as we advised our dear friend to call 1-800-MOVERS the next time she needs a hand.

Blogs

2008-02-08T23:24:00.000-08:00

on Rheumatoid Arthritis is plentiful and abound on the Internet. In my search for knowledge about this disease that has taken up residence in my body, I am the gracious host and have learned to co-exist with this foreign invader by administering medicine that will help to keep the swelling from gravitating upwards making my fingers look like pudgy sausages and from the excruciating pain that rides along with it. Of course there are side effects and a myriad of other problems that come with taking these medicines. My RAtologist is keeping a close watch on my blood and my state of mind during my appointments. There are many helpful and informative sights on RA originating from society and centers for health. Knowledgeable as they are, the blogs or rather reports are very detailed as far as talking about the factors, symptom's and depth of the disease. I find comfort in the blogs written in part by people like me that have a life, family, work and are trying to understand the "why me?" syndrome. I remember when I was first diagnosed with this disease. I was thinking, "ok, it's not Cancer" and I wasn't really too worried about it. After delving into the Internet on any and all information about rheumatoid arthritis, I was exhausted. The only visual material wording that stunned me in all of these blogs were the words, "No Cure". At least Cancer has a cure! My emotions were overwhelmed and I cried for a few moments at a time. There was too much for me to do before I become totally debilitated by this disease. It took me a few months say the word "disease" and acknowledge it as such. After a healthy amount of reading and extensive visits with my RAtologist, my state of mind is in a better place and attitude. I have learned to cope with this foreign resident and have given everything it needs so that we can peacefully co-exist one day at a time.

Rollercoaster

2008-02-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

week for me since I've been back to work. I've picked up hours like crazy to pad my paycheck in anticipation of paying my monthly mortgage and a host of other bills that I have due. I should just about clear them all. I will definitely be completing my taxes this weekend and hoping to receive that within two weeks time. My company is also giving my profit sharing check next week on Valentine's Day, which will be a welcomed addition to my bank account. I am also trying to find the time to fly to Las Vegas to pick up some freebies that my Diamond Status with Harrah's has allowed me comp rooms and prizes in a way of enticing me to exclusively use only their casino group. I'm here to tell you, it's working! For the month of February, I will pick up a Starbucks coffee maker, grinder, coffee and travel mugs, gratis, courtesy of the Paris Hotel in conjunction with Harrah's. I've invited Lynn and her daughter to fly with me to Las Vegas. Lynn's daughter will be flying to London during the week of Feb 24th. She will be a volunteer at the Pax Lodge for about 5 months and receiving a stipend plus room and board. It is a wonderful opportunity for her and she will meet other young women from other cultures and what a time she will have. I'm jealous! So, I thought if they flew with me to Las Vegas, we could all have some fun together and enjoy the sights. I'll find out next week.
Work has been very busy and there's talk about Delta and Northwest merger that has the industry as a whole, up in arms. It is a waiting game and may the best airline win.

Communication

2008-02-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

between Lynn and I have developed into a better relationship for us. Since that fateful day in December, we have talked of our problem with Dr. Snow and she in turn has given us feedback with good results. Her kind words and compliments of us as a couple strengthen our bond. It is here in counseling that we discharge all of our questions, answers and thoughts with her examination of our relationship between us and our families. This is information that Lynn and I rarely have conversations about when we are alone due to the fact that we want to enjoy each other's blissful company. Lynn doesn't want to chit-chat about the "hard stuff" and would rather we talk about our issues in counseling. Inside of our bubble, life is tropical and sunny. Outside, it is cold, alone and bitter. In our quest for a better understanding of our relationship, we are slowly bringing the imbalance in our lives to a stable plateau. Slowly, ever so slowly.

And the winner is.......

2008-02-05T22:16:00.000-08:00

is it too premature to say that Hillary Clinton is President? I personally would love to see a woman in office and Hillary would be my gal! So now you know who I voted for. It seems a record number of people of all cultures surrendered themselves to the polling booths to cast their vote for the best candidate. I saw scanned the crowd and took note of a large number of very young voters eagerly looking over initiatives and asking questions to the staff. Clearly, the first timers are very excited about this momentous event. They are fortunate in their young lives to be experiencing this phenomenal moment that may never ever repeat itself in American history of an African American man or a High powered woman running for the President of the United States of America. I am blessed to be alive to witness this grand wonder.

Don't forget to VOTE!

2008-02-04T23:55:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already done so, tomorrow is going to be a monumental day and I am so excited that it is happening in my lifetime. We are either going to have our first EVER African American or our first EVER woman President. Polls open early and in most States, will be open until 8:00pm. Most people have done the absentee ballot by mail and I thought about exercising my option to vote that way but my return to work has left me with very little time. I definitely can feel the fatigue from the lowering of my prednisone and I certainly miss my nap times. In between shifts, I find very little time for that and will have to make that a priority soon. Luckily for me, work has been non-stressful. Our flights are full but not to the point of overselling. Our premier members can't always get the seats they requested because of frequent plane changes and security checks. For the most part, work has been enjoyable. There is the constant gossip which I try to stay away from or just not repeat it to anyone other than Lynn. Airline gossip is appealing and amusing to her and is another form of riotous humor in my line of work. The attitudes that passengers have and what they think they can get away with is unbelievable. If you've ever watched the show "Airliners" and what the Southwest staff go through on a daily basis is true. If I could put pen a book on the daily idiosyncrasies that I experience, I would be a millionaire.

Split shift

2008-02-03T23:07:00.000-08:00

at work with a nap in between. Today was my first day back on the morning shift and I was greeted like an old friend by my co-workers. Lots of warm hugs and chatter on what I have been doing with myself for the past four months. It was nice to see everyone as I have missed them all very much.
After arriving home, I quickly got into my pajama, robe and slipper, made a healthy tuna sandwich and turned on the T.V. to the Superbowl. I enjoy watching the commercials in between plays, laughing until my side splits. I didn't last too long, TiVo'd the rest of the game and took a one hour nap before getting ready for my next shift at night. Talking to Lynn throughout my day, she was upset at the fact that her husband wanted her to pickup their daughter's contact lenses tomorrow unbeknownst to Lynn. She was not warned of this but rather told. That meant for her go drive to Campbell in the morning, foregoing her own work day and pick up the prescription in order for their daughter to play Lacrosse this week. I advised her to tell her husband that HE needed to pick up the lenses. HE can afford to play hookie from work and does so often by goofing off in the morning, writing and playing tennis. And yes, HE can pick it up! So she told him to do it. Do guys think that we are their personal secretaries? He also invited some people over for Super Bowl without telling her when she wanted to enjoy a nice quiet afternoon at home after church. Can't a gal get any peace in her own home? So she retreated to her room to call me. She tells herself, "a year and half more, just a year and a half more".

Reaction

2008-02-02T23:26:00.000-08:00

to my Humira shot produced a bruise where the puncture in my thigh was and a few hours later, a slight raised red swelling of where my 1st shot in December appeared. I thought it odd and will wait another day or two to see what will develop. So far, this is the only reaction that my body has produced to the injection. I will have to revert to the diagram for other target areas of injection and interchange during the bi-monthly process.
Tomorrow is the start of my new bid on the morning shift. After picking up tonight for a co-worker, morning will arrive very soon. Gone is my cherished mornings of sleeping in and enjoying the last bit of warmth from my bed. I will be working a double shift but not continuously, it will be a split shift for a few days this week. In between that time, I will return home and nap for a few hours. Somewhere during that time, I will have packed my breakfast or dinner keeping warm at the same time from the inclement weather of the week and making sure to check in with my son. Enter the Rat race of my life to make money and survive in this overpriced and underpaid society we call California and all the politicians that think a family can exist on an hourly wage of $8.00 an hour. What Podunk country do they live in anyway? I'd like to see them subsist on that wage and work the long hours that I do and have nothing to show for it by the time my paycheck arrives. Election time is around the corner and it will be an interesting race of the powerhouse candidates. Vote!

Broken promises

2008-02-01T23:55:00.000-08:00

My friend, Yvonne and her church in San Mateo had an event that involved my surrogate family, The Evans. It was a night of music provided for by the Tongan Children's brass band, a slide show of the Church trip to New Orleans in October 2007 and a potluck dinner with Mama's gumbo being the feature attraction. It was quite a showing of church parishioner's as the event was an enormous success. The slide show was showcasing the church trip to New Orleans and their assisting in the rebuilding of two Katrina Families. Devastation is still present today with the help of FEMA and other government assistance slowing to a trickle. The undeniable assistance of relief only benefiting a fortunate few. Our government and state officials have abandoned this spirited icon of history and it's people only to turn their attention towards remembering their fiscal budgets and broken promises. No where in history has there ever been a mass exodus of peoples treated with the harshness and cruelty as the Katrina Survivors. They are a people without a country. Nations saw the devastation and we were gripped to our T.V. for weeks as word of loved ones ebbed out onto our screens. Monies poured in from every country on earth in the hope of finding a recipient. Well wishers sent cards, letters and offers of adopting whole families to come and stay with them. Strangers helping strangers. The hearts of the world reached out to New Orleans and softly held it's people close to it's bosom. Months later as the welcome mat wore out with family and friends, Mama would say, these ignorant people said to the Katrina families, "Get over it!" How can you tell a proud family that lived through a devastation that most of us can only imagine, at best, to "Get over it?" I'm sure it will be tucked away in the corner of our minds like every other major world catastrophe, but it will not be forgotten. Like the horrific Indonesia Tsunami in 2004, New Orleans Katrina and the cries of it's people, will not be forgotten.

5150

2008-01-31T12:47:00.000-08:00

"When any person, as a result of mental disorder, is a danger to others, or to himself or herself, or gravely disabled, a peace officer, member of the attending staff, as defined by regulation, of an evaluation facility designated by the county, designated members of a mobile crisis team provided by Section 5651.7, or other professional person designated by the county may, upon probable cause, take, or cause to be taken, the person into custody and place him or her in a facility designated by the county and approved by the State Department of Mental Health as a facility for 72-hour treatment and evaluation". As stated in the WELFARE AND INSTITUTIONS CODE SECTION 5150-5157.
Hearing Britney Spears being rushed to the hospital on a 5150 and my own daughter, Pua, who now issues that order upon herself when she is having a mental breakdown, can only receive the qualified care that they need instead of being stricken to a jail cell. In comparing these two young women, highly intelligent, beautiful, outgoing, seeking attention, substance abuse, readily available gentlemen suitors, loves children, enjoy singing and their love of shopping. They would do well in a facility together and the stories they would share. As with Britney's young life, a barrage of events and excessiveness solidified what she is going through. It was and is the same for my daughter, too young, too accessible, too soon and too much. Our youth today have much to contend with let alone the pressures that go along with growing up in this society. Pushing the limits until it all comes tumbling down and nowhere to go but home. Disruptive, chaotic, abusive, aggressive and a host of other words that derive from this culture of GENX'ers and Babyholics plays out like a disastrous B movie.

Highway 101

2008-01-30T13:26:00.000-08:00

shut down yesterday because of a tanker spill causing traffic to be rerouted through once quiet neighborhoods and hours wasted in perpetual commotion. Fortunately, I was not in it but saw the news on T.V. from work, thinking that there will be many passengers late for their flight if they hadn't tuned in. Carried over today, the left lanes are still blocked and the 511 traffic information has issued a severe alert to avoid 101 if at all possible and look for alternate routes. Lynn has a meeting today with Dr. Snow in Palo Alto at 4:00pm and if it were not for this accident, I would attend. Instead, I declined because of the horrid traffic I would have to contend with on the return going to work.
The meeting today would consist more of Lynn's relationship with her mother. Defining that her mother, as abusive as she was in her younger years, is now older and cannot harm Lynn. And yet, with harsh memories of Lynn's abuse, she remembers, vividly, each hit, swat, paddle or verbal assault being said to her or her siblings. Lynn was the caretaker and protector. How one so little and innocent can be subjected to such crimes by the hand of her own mother. It is unimaginable. On the other hand, my father was the disciplinarian. My mother could only stand by to listen to our cries as we were hit by my father's bare hand upon our backside. I tend to think that my sister was the favorite because she was rarely hit at all. My brother and I, because of our mischievous antics and my being such a rebel, we were always being spanked or locked downstairs in the cold dark basement. My brother was always the one to stay close to the door, breathing up the bottom light for fear of seeing into the void of the monsters he would dream up to scare his sisters with. Fearful of the dark and the demons that lay beyond the stair, I would hear him whimper. Mom would eventually let us upstairs and into our room without dinner. Our tummies grumbling, we were more terrified of our father and went to sleep that way. Hours later before my father would leave for work, I would listen to his rituals of making sure the windows and doors were locked. He would appear at each of his child's bedside and offer kisses upon their foreheads as if he were asking for forgiveness of his abuse. He would achieve this act of love until we were in our early teens. I'm not sure if my brother or sister had any recollection of this fatherly act of love but that memory of him remains.

Unending rain

2008-01-29T17:17:00.000-08:00

and the weather calls for more sometime in the evening, I began preparations for dinner in the early afternoon. Looking at the expiration dates of the food in my refrigerator, I had to improvise and make two unsimilar meals. One meal would be the Salvadorean Pupusas and the other would consist of a baked Salmon soaked in lemon and rosemary, wrapped in Spinach leaves. The Salmon would be the easiest to prepare and only requires about a fifteen minute prep time and a forty five minute cooking time, while the Pupusa would demand the most cooking time up until my time to leave for work. I owe it to my ex husband's mother that taught me how to assemble and cook these wondrous round delights. Over the years and at family gatherings, these edible treasures were just cause for pandemonium, especially when the cheese cooked out to form the crispy crust and most sought after. I have perfected my cooking of them and my children certainly enjoy these when time in my life permits me to prepare it. To top it off, I had a blackberry smoothie consisting of blackberries, a banana, half cup of non fat milk and six cubes of ice, blended, no sugar is added. After a long day of cooking in the kitchen, this was a welcome reprieve and a healthy drink for my joints.

Finally

2008-01-28T14:16:00.000-08:00

relief from mother nature's gusty winds and constant rains in San Francisco. I'm not complaining and i certainly express deep sympathy for my sisters in other parts of the country as well as the world with this incessant weather we've been experiencing. Most of what I do is hunker down, read books and make the best of the situation. My rheumatoid arthritis has not given me any problems since the start of my Humira injections. It has been one week since the lowering of my prednisone (5 MG) down to one and a half tablets daily, one folic acid (1 MG) and one multi-vitamin daily. My (10 MG) tablets of methotrexate is still taken every week on Wednesday, all of which I have faithfully taken and not missed for fear of my stiffening joints coming back to haunt me. The weather certainly doesn't play any part in it's affect on my joints as I so often hear from other sufferers. I sometimes feel a fullness in my hand joints when I curl my fingers and I look for tell tale signs of nodules and deformities as my fingers stand at attention under my inspection. I am afraid of the medications in my ample embodiment of woman and I disengage from the thoughts of what the future holds for me. Four months ago, I was a wretch from my tormenting pain and surprised by the suddenness of it all. A misery I would not wish upon anyone and executed a disguise of my endurance. This disease was altering me so aggressively, that I was not recognizable to myself anymore. Where was that sturdy, vigorous, take-charge woman that I knew? The agony was excruciating. The loneliness was more inviting, yet, lacerating and extracted me from the human race. My advantage was my family and friends who kept in touch with me often with their talk of others with my affliction. Lynn and her ever present spirit and communication, tho sometimes challenging, would be the hand on my heart to uphold and guide me through inharmonious moments in my life.

Sleeping in

2008-01-27T23:58:00.000-08:00

as the alarm clock was silenced but read 10:45am! After a night with Lynn, morning comes too early. The smell of fresh coffee was enough to arouse this gal out of a warm bed in search of a cup. Lynn was up checking email and getting breakfast ready. Her daughter would be leading her father's writers class and church activities at the Methodist Church where she attends. Lynn and I would be going the opposite direction to San Mateo, again, to the PMCC. It has rained all of this weekend and doesn't seem like it's going to let up anytime soon. I'm beginning to enjoy my time at this church as their songs and teachings are pleasing to me. Churches can sometimes be intimidating as they are awe-inspiring. I don't know the inner workings of churches such as knowing when to stand up to sing or chant. Or perhaps to sit and sing or recant back to the Pastor. How do these people know? You obviously have had to attend church from when you were younger to get these particular tasks down pat or attend on a regular basis and it seems very easy to pick up. I definitely want to bring my coworker and friend DarRell here. There are a few good looking men that he may be interested in. He is a wonderful man who deserves someone wonderful. Could be a hookup in church! The people here are very friendly and we are always warmly greeted. Afterwards, there is always coffee, tea and snacks. Mingle and catching up on the weeks activities are the talk of trade. From here, Lynn and I drive back home again in the midst of pouring rain. With six thirty looming around the corner, it is time for me to slip away back into reality and away from my time alone with Lynn. This is always the most unpleasant part of our relationship, leaving one another.

Army Commissioning

2008-01-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

today and it was a joyous occasion celebrated by Gail's family including her father who is a 2-Star Sargent General and her sister, a 2nd lieutenant in the US Army. Her proud father was the commissioning officer swearing her into duty. Numerous friends and family were on hand to help celebrate. While the rain let up for a few hours, we were able to hang out on the deck to enjoy some much needed fresh air. Inside, Gail stumbled through a few lines due to her nervousness but she recovered with flying colors. Gail's sweetheart, Ramona, was there to make sure the party ran smoothly and towards the end of it all, she was ready to collapse. Proudly Ramona stood watching Gail get "pinned" by her father and mother. Ramona was also in her detective uniform blues and looking just as handsome as Gail. With the festivities coming to an end, Lynn and I departed and drove toward San Francisco's Chinatown looking for a Chinese style blouse for Lynn's fundraising event in February. After some years working in the Pier 39 area, I am very familiar with the streets of San Francisco and Lynn found her blouse on the first shop we stopped at. It was a beautiful magenta color with gold accents and she received a very good price on it. We had tea and some appetizers at a local eatery. The staff were wonderfully nice and the delectable food arrived sizzling hot to the table. We walked through Chinatown park where the older Asians were playing mah-jong while the children stayed busy at the playground. Making our way home amidst the traffic, we were finally glad to sit still after being out all day. Lynn's daughter, Camden, stayed home from the Lake Tahoe trip and occupied herself with projects throughout the night. I read one of Lynn's book on Autism by Daniel Tammet called "Born on a blue day" and finished it within several hours. I found it to be a very good read.
Midnight arrived too soon for Lynn and I as we watched T.V. and enjoyed the closeness of being together in her bed instead of restricted to our sixty minute hot tub time. With no time limit attached to our nocturnal frolics, we were free to explore again, our boundless love. Our lovemaking is always beautiful if not fiery. Our fervent desire for one another, passionate kisses and sultry dance of the flesh igniting our emotions from deep within our souls. Breaths steamy, fierce and vivid stirring our primal urges, fighting to let go, to be free. Sounds in the night calling my name, calling her name. She, whispering her commands as I instantly carry out her directives. Our mouths find each other as our tongues surrender control and our hands interlocked, tightly, overhead and the other hand is left to explore, search and recover treasures of untold desires. The atmosphere is warming as her essence rises to fine me waiting, wanting and lusting. I find myself lapping at her effusion, her elixir, drunk as she retreats into my spirit. Our energies quieted, tranquil and serene, we lay next to each other in bliss as the darkness gives way to light. We hold each other for a time and drift off to sleep.

The falling rain

2008-01-25T16:02:00.000-08:00

and the amount of water that has been captured in my recycle bins is tremendous. My backyard is a mixture of greenery and household items that were destined for the junk yard but now lay in a heaping mess. I'll never get to it if this rain keeps up.
My friend is getting commissioned tomorrow at her house, in uniform. I've never been to one and I'm very excited about attending. Lynn and I will be driving over to Hayward for the special event. Her family is leaving tonight for Lake Tahoe and will be caravaning as their yearly church event. I'm not so sure about them travelling in this unending rain and if they will be able to leave. It is going to be a horrendous trip there with the traffic and weather. I will have a harrowing driving trip to Palo Alto with traffic of my own to contend with. Drive slow and watch for the other idiots who forget to signal, drive too fast and are discourteous and I will have a safe journey to Lynn's.
I look forward to spending the weekend with Lynn as we catch up on some much needed bonding that we can't get from a hot tub session at Watercourse way or the infrequent amount of times that we meet for lunch. Precious as our meetings are, I treasure the longer days that we do spend together which we have done numerous times during the course of our relationship and our years together. I look forward to when we finally do settle down together to start our lives.... finally.

My morning ritual

2008-01-24T23:17:00.000-08:00

of nourishing my infirmed body back to health would not have happened if I did not take sick leave from my employer. Tho the disease is a lifetime of pain and medications thus, manageable, I am forced to take a step back and take a closer look at my life and what I'm doing. The constant movement, travel, partying and not taking care of myself was running me into the ground. The pain of my disease, rheumatoid arthritis has given me a second chance to turn things around for myself. No longer do I eat at the airport restaurants (if my friends treat me to a salad, I won't say no) and fast food outlets, was a matter of convenience.
Now I eat breakfast everyday consisting of oatmeal or Malt-O-Meal showered with non fat milk and sprinkled with a healthy dose of wheat germ, no sugar, and two pieces of wheat or white toast, generously buttered.
Lunch might consist of a tuna sandwich, grilled cheese, banana and yogurt, granola cereal or a blackberry smoothie. A hot water kettle lives on my sink and is always hot for generous amounts of a variety of teas provided for by Lynn from her pantry.
Dinner varies on what is in the freezer and what I can thaw out in time. Baked salmon with lemon, Beef tomato stew, Enchiladas with green sauce, pork chops, kalua pig, rice a roni, brown and white rice and the ever faithful crock-pot for just about anything else. A big hit in my household has been tortilla wraps. The construction of my creation starts out with any type of cream cheese, vegetarian or chive with onions, as the base, then layering a generous amount of spinach and like a pizza topped with whatever you have in your refrigerator. I top it off with deli turkey meat, nonfat cheddar cheese, carrots, zucchini (sliced lengthwise) and when I'm done, I roll it up. I can either eat it like a burrito or cut it up in slices for bite sized pieces for a healthy snack. I AM A SNACKER!! I love junk which will be my downfall. Cheese puffs and Snicker bars are my weakness and won't resist them if offered. I have cut back on it but only slightly and it shows in my weight that I have picked up during these past four months off. Alas, I can truly say that I am eating healthier and better than four months ago and I feel better.

Poop in first class

2008-01-23T23:31:00.000-08:00

and a crazed woman at the gates were episodes that I missed when I arrived at work today. I hear, if not witness, delirious, demented and sometimes wacky occurrences in my profession. An agent was recanting the story of a passenger in first class on an inbound flight and how he totally missed the toilet and had bequeathed a present to the cabin crew by defecating on the floor of the lavatory. By the way, no charges were filed and the passenger walked. His excuse was that he was a germaphobe and didn't want to touch the seat cover to the toilet and tried to prop himself above the receptacle only to relieve himself on the floor.
The next story involved our outbound flight and a young woman who acted like an immature 2 year old who was in complete hysterics when she missed her outbound flight for New York. She reacted by throwing herself on the floor, crying and cussing up a storm. When she didn't get her way with the agents at the gate, she returned to the security checkpoint to cool off, all the while still in a state of utter destruction. She never returned and may have caught another flight. My fellow co-workers and I conduct ourselves with the utmost professionalism while remaining calm, listening and performing the best to our abilities. Unlike our predecessors, United, American, Delta and others, we have been given high marks in our customer service skills and friendliness. I have worked for many years with my company and I genuinely love what I do. I think of my co-workers as my second family. Travelling is a perk that is the best in the industry which I have indulged myself and my family in travelling the globe. My trade is a specialized field which you "either have it or you don't". Meaning that you have to be a people person, social, personable, leader, comedian, problem solver, team player and a good listener. There are a host of other attributes which I acquired on the job with the help of other wonderful agents and Supervisors. At one time, the airlines was a profession that was highly coveted and hard to break into. Now, in the wake of possible mergers, talk and the high price of jet fuel, it seems the reasonable choice of venue. No one wants to merge with the possibility of losing their jobs after many years of hard work and a world of travel still out there to see. In this day and age, the unknown is right around the corner waiting to shake my hand.

Tax time

2008-01-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

and the amount of paperwork that I shred each year is of epic proportions. Going through my files and folders for pieces of bureaucratic information that I am obligated to retain for the next seven years is a component that I am very methodical about. Hence, the piles of paperwork on my bedroom floor and elsewhere that I have accumulated but was too lackadaisical to file or shred. Receipts from every purchase that I have made since 2004 to now. Can we say ANAL? Somewhere, somehow, the madness has to stop. My self affliction and knowing that I have contributed incalculably to global warming by the amount of shredding that I do on a daily basis. Mostly I can lay blame on the retailers and advertisers who struggle for my attention to open their infinite allotment of junk mail only to be returned persona non grata in my shredder. While I wait for a few important documents from my bank concerning my home, I have, at the ready, my tax forms. My goal this year, unlike most years, is to focus on having the mailed tax forms dated before February. Last year, I had it ready in January and because life got in the way, it did not get mailed out until April 15th! How's that for pre-planning? I'm a clutter-bug and there's no denying it.

Remembering Martin Luther King

2008-01-21T23:55:00.000-08:00

His speech is powerful and his words majestic as he spoke of the struggles of black people and minorities. If he were alive today, he would see that we have made very little in the way of progress. What would he say about Gays and Lesbians? Where would his take on homosexuality be? If he were President of the United States, there would have been a metamorphosis of wondrous proportions. Changes that would have reconstructed our way of thinking, open , honest and love thy neighbor. The powers that be and the silent movement put an end to that dream by assassinating our dearly beloved Mr. King. When he died, our dreams died with him. Now would be the time to rise up and implement our voices and elevate our spirits to go against societies ills. The King family would be proud. Martin Luther King would be proud.

In God's house

2008-01-20T23:31:00.000-08:00

we are all created equal. At the MCC Church in San Mateo, it is just that. Rev Teri addresses her flock of gay, straight and transgendered every week with pastoral elegance and teachings of one so knowledgeable. Together in song and readings from the Bible, their hope for unison and togetherness bonded by love will further the achievement of all churches in the belief that we all have a place on this earth no matter what category we fall into, we are all created equal.
Being equal, we should also have the same rights as everyone else. The basic right to marry and have a same sex partnership. Being treated as a second class citizen or better yet, a foreigner in our own country we call America as this right is not inclusive to the gay community but exclusive for the hetero or straight community. Sure, America wants you to vote and pay taxes, but addressing LGBT marriage issue will be pushed aside for a more meaningful agenda such as the war in Iraq. America wants to recruit my son and daughters to serve their country, should they fall into the "don't ask, don't tell" category, my country will not support them but rather discharge them, thinking, "take your gay asses home!" Or worse, be accidentally killed by friendly fire. I thought we were out of the segregation and discrimination era but here it is, alive and well and will continue, if the powers that be, endorse this act of cruelty.
Lynn and I listen, sing and hold each other's hands with an aspiration that during our lifetime, we will legally marry with all of our family and friends in attendance as we walk down the aisle as one.

Lord, give me strength

2008-01-19T23:27:00.000-08:00

in tempering my soul, mind and thoughts with my children. My second daughter, Pua, went AWOL last night from the facility where she was a resident. Her sometimes boyfriend, Adolpho, drove to Sacramento, picked her up and brought her to his place in Redwood City. Then drove her back to my home to spend a few days with us. It is always a problematic reunion between Nani (oldest daughter), Manny (only son) and Pua (second daughter). Nani and my son live at home with me and Pua abides her time in and out of mental facilities and group homes. She has been out of my home since she was diagnosed at 16 years old with schizophrenia, depression and was made a ward of the state at her request. Now at 23, she infrequently comes home and when she does, it can be very chaotic at times. Her facility environment consists of a tumultuous, boisterous and many times violent atmosphere to where she has her guard up twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Patients that she may call her friend one day could end up fighting her the next day without any explanation or cause. Tempers flare quickly and often in crowded facilities like hers.
Word of her escaping her facility last night was a phone call to her siblings and they in turn, called me at work. The questions, fears and worries of how Pua will manage without her medication. Pua's fear and loathing of not wanting to go back to her facility. Everyone looking at Mom and what I decide to do. Tired and wearisome, I can only go by the moments in time. Planning ahead in this particular situation is meaningless. Erratic, Nomadic and unpredictability is Pua's modus operandi and just cause for not planning. Where will she go from here? It is anyone's guess.

Another work day

2008-01-18T23:35:00.000-08:00

and I'm back in the groove again. Slowly my co-worker and friends find out that I have returned to work, very glad to see that I am feeling well. It seems that I am not the only one that they know who has rheumatoid arthritis, there are countless others and they all offer suggestions on how to cure myself from eating the marrow from a cook beef bone to juices from exotic berries. From what I have read, my disease is treatable and manageable but incurable. It is a lifetime of chronic pain and if left on it's own without the proper medication, it can be unkind and horrific to the human body. For now, this medication will have to do and I'm trusting that the medical field will find a cure for this disease as well as many others out there.
Work was very demanding tonight, passengers are carrying everything on board with them and it is wearisome on our part be the bad guys to always take their carry on away from them due to lack of overhead space in our bins.
Flights were arriving late due to East Coast weather making our outbound flights delayed as well. Passengers want to hear what was the reason for the delay and no matter what we tell them, they always have opinions of their own. I stayed for forty five minutes of overtime and am looking for more, where ever I can get it. Because I am vacation relief, I will be bidding again for February and have chosen to go mornings but no too early of a shift. That way I can pick up hours at night and on my days off and still have the flexibility of controlling what I want. Tomorrow, I plan on starting a walking regimen and going to my local track and field for laps. I have missed exercise in my life for many years and need to put that back into the start of my day. Morning arrives too quickly when your scheduled off this late at night.

Third shot, right thigh

2008-01-17T23:56:00.000-08:00

Because I have to interchange injection shots on my thigh, I have to keep track of where my last injection was and because my mind sometimes forgets, this is a good reminder for me. I took a little over half an hour to finally administer the shot, again, talking myself into it and each time looking at the end of the needle. That is what takes me longer because I tend to psyche myself out. Once done, it wasn't that bad. I have to stop looking at the needle before injection to quicken my task, next time, that is what I will do. My second day of work was uneventful. I picked up hours for a co-worker, ordered the meals and input the billing. It all came back to me today. Meeting a 757 on jet-way 35 was a different story. Because it's automated with a touch screen, I needed the guidance of a senior agent and Marty was there. Piece of cake! The schedule had me controlling a flight and a full one at that. We didn't have much room to play with when it came to passengers wanting better seating, we did not have any. First Class is always full and the compartment never goes out with an empty seat. Towards the end of my shift, Passengers became shadows and their voices started fading. Their unending repetitious questions became boring. I started to feel the tiredness settle in and I was ready to go home and sleep. Midnight could not arrive quick enough.

My first day

2008-01-16T23:55:00.000-08:00

back to work and it was heaven. How many people can actually say that and genuinely mean it? I'm sure there are a few souls that can honestly say that. My start time is 1830 to 2330 and will be like that for the next two weeks until the end of January. Because I am vacation relief, Myself and three other co-workers will be required to bid every month for our shifts. Since I am Number one, the odds are one hundred percent that I will get what I want unless I forget to bid. My shift involves ordering meals for our flights that fly from San Francisco to Newark, New Jersey, billing, security checks and a host of detailed paperwork. As soon as I checked in for my shift, I was immediately overwhelmed by my co-workers and friends who have missed my being there. After almost forty five minutes of catching up with everyone at the ticket counter, I walked to baggage service and said my hello's there and continued onto the gate area only to repeat the same reaction when I checked in. It is delightful to know how much my friends miss my spirit and personality, as one supervisor words it.
There were only two flights tonight, none of which I will be working due to a briefing that I had to attend. It basically was an effortless and untroublesome night considering that most nights tend to have some type of issues, ie: weather, mechanical, diversions and security. This is one of those nights that I dream of and only get a few times a month. I picked up my next three days off thanks to another co-worker who gave me her hours to boost my paycheck which I look forward to mostly, to compensate for the sick pay I received these past few months off from work. It is wonderful to be back. Ask me again by the end of the month, I may have changed my mind.

Last day of Bliss

2008-01-15T23:00:00.000-08:00

before going back to work tomorrow and reflecting on my four months off from work has been quieting for me. Now that I'm rested and have been managing my rheumatoid arthritis to where I'm able to move without any discomfort or pain is wonderfully amazing to me. Distraught and disabled in August, threw me one hundred and eighty degrees to come to the realization that I need to take time out for myself and make, me, a priority.
Can I work those maniac hours that I was used to? Will I have to pick up hours to make up for lost time and wages? Do I want to? These questions I ask myself going into this New Year. How can I make it work? Make my life work? Make my work, work, without financially draining myself or my energy level. I will strive for harmony in my health and work situation without compromising my work ethic, in other words, don't kill myself for the almighty dollar. I will be working the next two weeks on the night shift, part-time, while picking up overtime on my days off to make ends meet. Also making time for Lynn and I and the family events surrounding my life in the proceeding weeks ahead. Managing my once quiet life, merging into the traffic of life and not venturing over to the fast lane.....yet.

The Moss Beach Distillery

2008-01-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

was our location for lunch today with my friends. This little jewel of a restaurant sits pass the Devil Slide area atop a bluff with majestic views of the ocean. Our initial restaurant was going to be the Chart House which is now the Outrigger, has been closed due to renovation. We drove further down the road and saw the signs indicating the Distillery and followed that. Winding our way through the neighborhood, we saw beautiful homes dotted along the beach front area. It was a little past 1:00pm and the restaurant was quite empty at this time. Our waitress, Courtney, seated us at a table with a commanding view of the ocean. The menu was genuinely authentic with a wide variety of flavors ranging from healthy appetizers to amazingly tasteful entrees. It was a bit expensive but the fare was large in portions and wonderfully fresh. I would definitely love to bring Lynn here for lunch or dinner and go for a stroll along the pathways to watch the sunset. It is absolutely romantic and timeless.
With our bellies full and impeccable service, it was time to go. With restrictions being that we had children to pick up and teenagers that we had to be home for, we were sorry to leave. Another time perhaps and maybe we might even see the "Blue Lady".

10 Seconds

2008-01-13T23:08:00.000-08:00

for Camden's sendoff video for London is a surprise video to take with her made for in part by her little sister. It was a very thoughtful idea, when Lynn told this to me and that I was picked to help in her endeavor. It touched my heart so much so that I thought I would totally get into the spirit of things and dress up as "Aunty Aloha" when Lynn came to pick me up for our "Respect" dance day. My Aunty Aloha get up was an aloha shirt adorned with leis of all types, kukui, shell, feather, ribbon and pennies topped off with a Chinese fishing hat made out of palm leaves a few summers ago at a family reunion in Hawaii and big showy sunglasses. I looked pretty hilarious as Lynn taped me coming out of the front door of my home wishing Camden well on her journey to London next month. With my adornments put away, Lynn and I were off into the city for our monthly Respect dance night. I sent out emails to our group of women that meet whenever we can letting them know that we were going to be there tonight. As usual, we got there on the early side of things and checked in with Debi and seek out a booth for us. I was expecting Gail and her new girlfriend Ramona to drop in but no exact time was arranged. Lynn and I catch up on kisses, conversation and much needed touches throughout our evening. It's always nice to feel her closeness when we've been away from each other. We dance to a few tunes and enjoy the music. Our hands exploring as if on a mission and our lips softly finding the target kissing zone. As soon as an unfamiliar tune or rap music comes on, it's break time. Finally, Gail and Ramona show up apologizing for being late as a motorcycle ride to Pleasanton sidetracked them. With introductions and hugs finally settled, we conversed more in the privacy of our comfortable booth, danced a few numbers and conversed more like long lost sisters. With the club winding down, we all decided on dinner across the street at a Thai restaurant. Our conversation carried over from the club to a more intimate and quiet setting congratulating Gail on her first ever night out at a women's club. She enjoyed herself very much. Dinner was excellent with a variety of appetizers, soup and main entrees, we were stuffed to our hearts content. Soon it was time to say our goodbyes with hugs and kisses and a safe journey home. It was definitely a nice way to start off a New Year.

Hawaiian family gatherings

2008-01-12T23:42:00.000-08:00

are never ending in my family and I've haven't been to one yet that has ever ended before midnight. My cousin Moke had a belated birthday party for two of his daughter's Anastasia and Vanessa (12 & 9) across the bay which my daughter and I looked forward to attending. As with celebrations there were also funerals that we attended for this family. My uncle and my cousin April, who recently passed away from Cancer and left two teenage boys, her husband and two twin girls (6 months old). April was the event planner of the families. She would send out the evites, plan the menu, co-ordinated the jumper, rent the facility or be the first one to secure the best area at a public park. That was April in a nutshell. With all of her love and aloha, she welcomed everyone into her family, no matter what race, color or creed, you were treated as family.
Hawaiian parties never start on time and this was no exception with a 2:00pm start and dinner finally being served a few hours later. The greeting of family and friends are always given in hugs and kisses. Introductions to familiar faces and the memories that we reminisce from past events and families that all brings us closer never losing those ties. Dinner is always excellent and plentiful. Smiles, laughter of children and conversation are the center pieces of my life. Our opu ( stomach) full of food and drink, we enjoy the rest of the night in music. My Aunty Joyce seems happier than usual and is more talkative than combative and she warns me about Mark and keeping him away from my daughter. My Aunt is a fiery red-headed haole (caucasian) woman who in her younger years was a total hottie. Wise in years, she can see everything in it's development and she does not like Mark. As the night starts to fade away and the crowd thins out, we start the task of saying goodbye to all of our family members which usually takes an extra twenty minutes. My cousin reminds me of another party in two weeks for her sister's twin girls and in agreement, I know that I need to be there. Our jaunt across the bay is short as my daughter and I converse about Mark, a long time grade school friend of my cousin Moke and now a single father who has frequented these parties since his teens, who has now taken a liking to my daughter and from what she said, wants to ask me if he could see my daughter. Sounds so old country Filipino, doesn't it? I told my daughter, who doesn't have an interest in him, he's going to have to go through the proper channels, my Aunty Joyce.

Nick's Rockaway Beach

2008-01-11T23:17:00.000-08:00

in Pacifica is where I met my co-workers and friends, Janice (hottie momma) and expecting another baby girl any day now and Marielena. It was a grey afternoon with high tide warnings near the coast this weekend. People were already at the coast-side watching the waves converge upon the boulders against the railing at the MoonRakers. The famous Mavericks surf contest is being held tomorrow http://www.myspace.com/mavsurfer1 . Due to the environmental impact that the large crowd will have on the coast line, they are asking everyone NOT to be there if they can help it and go to other viewing spots such as AT&T park. But like the curious species that we are and our pure love of the ocean, hundreds of us will be descending on the tiny little town in Half Moon Bay for the event.
Lunch with my girlfriends was a raucous. Janice who swears every other sentence is a wonderful story teller of her life, family and "don't take no bull-crap" attitude where Marielena is more demure in character. Stories of life at the airport with passengers and other co-workers seemed to be preparing me for my own re-entry back to the front lines after my four month hiatus due to my rheumatoid arthritis. Speaking of re-entry, I finally got an email from my HR that I am cleared to go back to full active duty starting next week. I was so elated to hear that news, I called Lynn first to let her know and my best boyfriend, Darrell. With a wonderful lunch, happy news to share and a great friends, I look forward to my future. Ask me this question next week after my first day back to work, it may be different!

A day of nothing

2008-01-10T21:15:00.000-08:00

or was it? With a week filled with activities and having completed tasks on my to do list, I am still wearing my robe and slippers listening to "How to Organize your life & get rid of clutter" on my laptop on loan to me from Lynn. It is a very good 4 CD wealth of information on getting my clutter bug life organized and in the hopes of ridding myself of my "piles" of paper stuff. Throughout my day, I have filled with sleep, making a vegetable soup in my crock pot, I thought about going to the bank but can save that for tomorrow, answering emails and phone calls. I start work next week and have been savoring my last days of bliss before going back to a full intended work schedule as I hope to pick up plenty of hours, overtime included, to help me get back on track to my financial outlook and staying healthy. Being off from work for four months is foreign to me as I have never missed a day of work for the past eleven years. Eleven years of perfect attendance and being on time to work. For what? Lynn says my epitaph will read: "Here lies Lani with perfect attendance BUT no Ford Explorer!" (Smiling)

Dr. Snow

2008-01-09T23:08:00.000-08:00

Lynn and I were meeting with Dr. Snow in the part of Palo Alto where mere cottages command one million dollar price tags and predominantly white upper class neighborhood is the rule. Dr. Snow's home is off of the main thorough way of Amtrak, continuous vehicle traffic and a pulsating public High School. Her landscape is unconventional and quirky with her Asian Buddhas sitting in the side front walkway waiting as if to greet and welcome my arrival. Upon entering her porch sitting area, we are immediately met by Cody, an energetic bundle of mixed terrier with a blue starred bandanna tied around his neck. Her backyard facing the porch held half wine barrels containing stalk like plants positioned in a circle as if waiting for a full moon incantation from their mistress.
Upon meeting Dr Snow, I thought she was an eclectic, well traveled and highly knowledgeable
woman in her sixties, at least. Her hair, manner of dress and makeup neatly manicured proved that she took great pride in her professionalism and appearance. She must have been a commanding presence in her younger years as her tall thin stature offered me a hint of what she may have been like then. Now, her frail but still very strong posture fighting to retain any ounce of dignity by choosing not to treat her possible rheumatoid arthritis as visually noticed during the course of our counseling session and in her walk.
Lynn and I were here as a couple for my first time in any type of couples counseling and I was nervous. Nervous because of my own so called abuse at the hand of my father and what secrets, if any, that might be blurted out for Lynn to know. Secrets that may be locked away, unconsciously, until someone like Dr. Snow unlocks it and out pours this torrential flood that I have to answer to. I have a plate full of issues which Lynn knows all about and probably because of the issues, my rheumatoid may have come about then. Because of the sensitivity of her issue, approval addiction, It is very courageous of Lynn to let me in to her inner most heart where lies her darkest secret that she tried very hard to shield me from and the hurtful events that lead up to where we are now. With slow insightful conversations and my background that was all Dr Snow needed to know that I too, could use some counseling of my own.
With our hearts, tears and plenty of tissue, we were able to talk about the issues at hand. Lynn's mother is at the root of her unforgiving heart and will continue to be as long as Lynn lets her dominate her life which makes her feel unloved and unwanted. Even tho, Lynn is surrounded by friends, family and myself who offer our undying love. To an approval addict, this is not enough and results of this can sometimes be catastrophic and turning away the people that really love you. With Dr. Snow's help and gentle conversations, we will both receive the help that we need to mend our relationship and go forward in our lives.

The diagnosis

2008-01-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

of a half inch fibroid was of great relief to me. My doctor stated that there was no need for surgery of any type, at least not yet, but to monitor it's growth for the next six months. I have always monitored my monthly periods with some irregularity during those times and often with heavy bleeding leading to my being anemic during most of my life. With the introduction of homeopathic remedies and vitamins from Lynn, I have slowly been able to accept these forms of holistic therapies in a more natural way that is beneficial for my body and mind. I was hoping there would be a more healthy way to treat my rheumatoid arthritis but for now, these hard hitting steroids and toxic drugs are the best at treating this lifetime disease that I have.

Counting the days

2008-01-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

of when I will be back at work which will be January 16th. It has been nearly four months since I was working last and my longest leave of any type. All of this due to my rheumatoid arthritis and the medications that I need in order to stay well and in good health. I was very much a workaholic during my past work era and would work 16-18 hour days without any rest and only napping when there was time. Exhaustion and no rest is probably what opened me up to letting my immune system down and thus my developing this type of arthritis. Tomorrow I will meet with my primary doctor and receive the results of last weeks pelvic sonogram. I am a little anxious on what she will tell me and I only hope that it is good news.
Speaking of appointments, I will be attending a counseling session with Lynn on Wednesday. We will be attending as a couple in need of understanding an "approval addiction" that Lynn has. It is an addiction that has spanned back to her childhood and that of her abusive mother. Lynn cannot come to terms with loving herself and those very close to her heart and has chosen inappropriate ways to express her need for approval. One of which she has hurt me with and I have forgiven her when she explained this addiction to me. Through counseling, I will hope to understand how and why Lynn does these things. Strengthening our fragile bond that has almost been torn knowing full well how much I love her and she of me.

Moving day

2008-01-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

for our good friend Sarah started at 11:30am at her house in Vallejo. Sarah is in the process of a divorce from her hubby Ron of fifteen years, due in part to Ron's infidelity. Unforeseen, abrupt and swift was his insistence for a divorce, it caught Sarah by surprise and completely off guard. She was devastated! And we were devastated for her. The story is one-sided because we've heard Sarah's view but can only see the anguish in her emotions and hurt in her eyes. On this day, we, Cecile, Darrell, myself and Sarah's two friends and partners of 12 years, Lori and Laurie, helped her move from her "married" two story house to a ranch house overlooking Mare Island and the bay-lands. With the use of my truck and her u-haul rental, we were able to assist with a majority of her moving the larger and heavier items. It was a move that she was prepared but unprepared for and in it's finality, taking us into the darkness of the evening with her two beloved and very friendly pit-bull dogs running out of the house like a pair of well muscled race horses, into the unknown. With our last haul packed in the truck, Sarah needed to find her pets. Cecile, Darrell and I offloaded the last of her items in her new home and called Sarah to see if she found her pets. A saddened, No, came from Sarah's soft voice over the cell phone. It was 7:30pm and we were exhausted from our moving day. Feeling a little guilty for not helping her find her pets, we proceeded on our long journey home. Approximately, thirty minutes later, Sarah called to let us know that she found her pets at their "sitters" house, safe and warm. She thanked us profusely for our giving up a day of rest to come and help her move and knew that she had good friends that she could rely on. In spite of the rainy weather, lost pets and hard work, all of us we're relieved as we sighed an end to a productive day.

Mystery Shopping

2008-01-05T23:01:00.000-08:00

is a side occupation that I engage in, enjoy and get paid for my detailed reports based on my customer service interactions. A friend of mine, from the airport, suggested the idea and that I would be an excellent candidate. There are no fees of any type involved nor were there any drawn out questionnaires or applications. The only requirement that most of these companies ask is that you have a Paypal account to deposit your payment from services rendered. I started off small with one company and my "mystery shop" involved coffee shops. After completing a few of the shops, writing reviews and getting paid, I was hooked. I was referred to other companies that offered shops from oil changes, restaurants, gas stations, entertainment centers, convenience stores, sports venues, bars, movie houses, hotels, car rentals and flower deliveries. I figured that most of these domains were centered around my life and what I do on a daily basis, why not mystery shop! Friends and family were frequently taken out to lunches and dinners, children went bowling and miniature golf centers. I planned a route to each venue to make sure that I would maximize my day. At night, I would write my reports and fax or email my receipts to the companies and wait a few weeks to be reimbursed on top of my payments and sometimes bonuses into my Paypal account. Since I was basically an independent contractor with these companies, I could literally write off many of my expenses if I were set up as a small business. The companies do not take out any taxes from your payments and you do have to file these as part of your taxes even tho a W-2 is not issued unless you make more than $660.00 for that company. It is a nice source of second income and you can make your own hours.

Hurricane force winds

2008-01-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

have descended upon my little town of Daly City. I woke up to the muffled sounds of a chainsaw, heavy pelting rain and the howling gusty winds as my electricity flickered valiantly during the onslaught of mother nature's fury on this bleary grey morning. Watching the winds pummel my pear and lemon trees as it whipped around the leafless branches. My RA office called me to let me know that my final revised re-certification form to admit me back to work will be faxed within 10 minutes. I have a doctors appointment to find out the status of my pelvic examination and a mystery shop at an oil changers shop. Venturing out today was going to be a treacherous adventure.
Leaving my home was like nothing I had ever seen before. Hundreds upon hundreds of leaves, pine needles and other greenery were spewed all over the street and sidewalks. Empty garbage cans were rolling and crashing into the unknown. What used to sound like a small trickle coming from the water drain for the runoff now sounded like thundering waterfalls with an endless amount of energy. Darkened street lights and bent stop signs were remnants of this morning. Intersections was a cat and mouse game, drivers flagrently disobeying the law and utter chaos ensued when drivers would speed up and hydroplane causing a massive wall of water on an unsuspecting and often startled pedestrian. Upon arriving at my doctors office, I noticed that the parking lot was void of cars, people and activity. A closer look at the sign on the door read, "Building closed". There was no electricity in the building, no sign of life. My brother called me to let me know that there was no power in San Bruno, which was my next destination for the oil change shop. That is now cancelled and I decided to drive to the airport to pick up my revised copy of the faxed doctors report.
It was chaotic at the airport. Passenger flights were anywhere from 2-6 hour delayed because of the weather. My co-workers were very busy and my morning supervisor was stressed out from her day. I was so glad to not start back so soon. With my copy of the report in hand, I left quietly and continued home. Devastation from the storm was evident by all of the damaged trees and store closures due to lack of electricity. Accidents were few and rain was plenty, I was very glad to be home.

Ouch!!

2008-01-03T22:07:00.000-08:00

I self injected myself with my second dose of Humira. The first one was in December in the presence of a nurse at my doctor's office. It is entirely different having a nurse eyeball you and injecting yourself on your own with this type of pen needle device. It took me approximately one hour to talk myself into the procedure. Yes, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to needles. I don't freak out, I just don't like them. I'm hoping that this would be more effortless in the future and I'll be more tolerant of my feat. I did more lab work today and gave blood to my RAtologist. I'll see him again next month unless there are any drastic changes in my symptoms.
Lynn and I tried to see a movie, The Enchanted, last night but it was not playing at the Theatre we chose to meet. Instead, we went to Bair Island's Waterfront restaurant in Redwood City and had dinner there. It is a charming place on the water with huge bay windows offering views of the marina. I'm sure the view is spectacular during the day and just as crowded. We enjoyed the quietness of the atmosphere. Our candle lit table by the water was equally romantic and we hadn't even planned this. It was a nice unexpected surprise. Our conversation was about activities during the day and what we each had planned for the upcoming weekend. We did want to go to Respect (a monthly woman's club in San Francisco) next weekend. After dinner, we strolled around the marina and walked along the docks where the beautiful yachts and catamarans were moored. Conversation flowing and stolen kisses, walking arm in arm and being close to one another was all that mattered and what felt right at that moment. The night was fading and not wanting to leave each other, we babbled on as if we were on our first date. Finally, the arduous task of saying goodnight or goodbye is always the most difficult. It is here that we disconnect, divide, sever, disunite and tear. All of which we have done a thousand times before, each and every time, our most heartsick consequence.

Pelvic Sonogram

2008-01-02T23:16:00.001-08:00

Since my first self administered shot of Humira two weeks ago tomorrow, I am feeling healthier than ever, I have less stiffness in my hand joints and my mornings have been far superior than the past three months that I have been home. My next self injection will be tomorrow afternoon. New Year's eve, I had an appointment at Seton Medical for a pelvic sonogram. Because of my heavy monthly menstruation or sometimes not having one at all caused some concern in my primary doctor to have a sonogram done. Before going to my actual 2:30pm appointment, I had to be admitted in the emergency part of the hospital first, paperwork and all, to be properly registered and then I was able to be seen. The clerk who had processed my paperwork was under the impression that I was an employee of the hospital when In actuality, my co-worker from the airport works at Seton. As he was processing my paperwork, he had by-passed a few other patients who had been waiting much longer than I and they were looking over my shoulder, visibly upset, that the clerk had made me the benefactor of his mistake. Did I relinquish my seat right away and apologize for the clerk's mistake? Hell no! With my belly full of water for the past two hours and about ready to relieve myself, the clerk speedily rushed me out of there and hurried me to my now late appointment. With my documents in hand and my belly bursting with water, I was commandeered by a petite and soft spoken, Jan and taken to a room where my test would be given. After changing out of my street clothes and donning the hospital gown where you can see my whole backside. I lay down on the table as she properly covered the lower half of my waist with a sheet and poured a healthy amount of lubricant on the areas of my stomach where she would run the sonogram test. With my belly full of water, Jan worked her magic taking pictures and knowing which areas to look in to. After the tests were done, she had asked me to wait until she had given the pictures to the radiologist and would come back for me. After the all clear sign, I asked her how were the pictures. All she said was to call my doctor in a few days and make an appointment with her. Her once chirpy tone sounded low and ominous. I did not have a good feeling about this and went home.

Great start

2008-01-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

to my New Year by staying home in my robe and slippers all day today, watched the Law and Order marathon, answered emails and feasted to my heart's content. This was the day where I did absolutely nothing, no opening any paper mail, paid no bills, did not drive anywhere, no shopping, no outing with friends, no concerts or walks in the park, nada! I'm in supreme bliss in my overstuffed reclining chair with the T.V. blaring a senseless commercial as I have caught myself napping only to awaken to the sound of MTV's hype on "Tila Tequila". Pathetic woman, is she who picked a man who's heart she will break over the real woman she could have had and should have picked but would have broken her heart as well.
I'm enjoying my quiet time and this is the only day that I will be seduced into being this unsystematic with myself. I'm due back to work on January 16th with my uniform pressed, prim and proper reporting to the front-line. I wouldn't say that I'm being thrown back in with the wolves but rather reaquainting myself. I have over twenty five years of customer service experience, eleven of which are at the airport and I take great pleasure and pride in what I do. Days like today will be far and few in between with the work I do and how active my life is and will get. I look forward, wholeheartedly, to seeing my friends and co-workers whom I've missed and my work, immensely.

Learning to give

2007-12-31T22:09:00.000-08:00

A few hours away from 2008, our New Year, my memories slip away to remembering what I have accomplished this past year. It does not seem grand by all means but more of a compassion that comes from deep within my heart. Without realizing it, I have been very generous and considerate to my friends and family due in part to my parents who have always been that way with my siblings and I. Their bounteous and unending source of goodwill and love have spilled over into my life making me the benefactor of their spirit. Definitely not in any monetary way but more so in lending a helping hand where I was needed. Because of my unselfish nature, Lynn will sometimes tell me, "You can say no". With my thought waves electrically connected to my heart while tugging the strings hidden beneath my face emitted a quizzical look, Can I say no? If it is within the realm of possible, I will kindly do what I can to help complete the task at hand. Often, I have received unexpected and sometimes overwhelming surprises and gifts from my co-workers, friends and family. I am very thankful to the point of absolute tears and it is at those unexpected times where I truly think that this my purpose on this earth. To give of myself so completely, without thinking, to their aid. If the world were this way, we would all be a much better earth, planet, society and human race.

Reno Bus

2007-12-30T23:04:00.000-08:00

I did not sleep very well last night in anticipation of my early morning departure from San Francisco's Chinatown to Reno via a charter bus. Since my wanderlust has been getting the better of me, I googled Reno bus tours last night and found a company that I did not know a thing about and booked myself on a round trip ticket to Reno for $30.00 in conjunction with Harrah's Casino. For $30.00, I would get $20.00 in Casino chips and a $7.00 food voucher good at three of their restaurants. If you don't buy in, you are charged $5.00 extra. I bought in with the intent on upgrading my Platinum to a Diamond Status with Harrah's as I was less than 500 points short of the coveted and elusive achievement.
As an uninitiated casino player on my first bus trip, a few of the passengers were very accommodating in helping me to secure a seat on the bus. Previously the night before, I had the printed out the Eticket but had another step to complete the day of departure and that was to visit the Harrah's office to process my check in. The facility, if you can call it that, was a tiny hole in the wall office that resembled a travel agency. As I requested for a window seat, I had visions of seeing white powdery snow that I had not seen for 20 plus years. Kari completed my check-in and with the proper documents now in hand, I was off and running to my seat. Excited and elated, I thanked Cyndi, a regular and the bus driver for directing me to the precise source of access. With everyone accounted for, we had one more pickup to make in Oakland and we're on our way. The smooth drive going through a mist shrouded Sacramento was uneventful as we stopped in Auburn for a 15 minute break at a McDonald's. This was a good time to gather extra toilet paper because the bus did not have any in the restroom on board. Not too long after we journeyed past the city of Auburn, the landscape began to change from it's formidable brown and dry summer colors to a tree topped snow white winter wonderland. The Nevada mountain range was scenic and majestic dressed in white as she came out to play. Snow covered rock formations and icy streams made the perfect postcard as the snow flurries hastened it's delivery upon tree branches heavily laden with old snow. For every bend and turn created new winter scenes like a movie camera producing an intimate slide show of nature for me. Awake and alive, I am in admiration and wonderment of the breathtaking artistry before me. The quiet chatter of the bus became silent as we motored through the exquisiteness of this alluring sight. Soon we arrived at our destination and one by one, like lemmings, we all single filed our way into the casino to collect our vouchers, casino chips and monies. It wasn't too long before I found my machine, in fact, four of us from the bus played on the "Wheel of fortune" dollar slot machine. Approximately two hours into playing, each of us had hit the 1000 on the wheel from the spin button. A growing crowd cheered us on and we dared not leave our seats. Another thirty minutes had past, again at different times, the four of us hit the elusive 1000! I called it quits and cashed out. We were all up at least $2000.00 and I had made my 400 some odd points to attain a Diamond Player status. I was elated! I felt the need for a good soak and proceeded to the spa. For a few dollars, I enjoyed a relaxing jacuzzi, sauna, steam or massage (extra). The jacuzzi is a welcome respite for my RA as I melted into the confines and blissfully content wishing that Lynn was here to enjoy this with me. With brief calls to her throughout my day as I summarize what my time has been like at Harrah's, she acquaints me with her story of how she met her hubby while they both worked at Harrah's 20 plus years ago.
Profound love during that time as it was with my ex husband. Now to come full circle to be resting on the other side of a woman, also profound love.
It was nearing the time of my departure as I had a few more tasks to complete. I received my new Diamond Card, cashed out my $2000.00 and cashed in my food voucher for a won ton veggie soup to go. My bus promptly arrived at 6:15pm and we were all on board and departed on time at 6:30pm. As we drove through a dark Nevada region, the beautiful white trees by day were now a silhouette of ominous and menacing shadows by night. After feasting on my soup and char siu bun, the quietness of the drive lulled me to sleep only to awaken a few hours later to the sudden stop of traffic as the bus lurched and pitched. With a quick drop off in Oakland, we soon reached San Francisco's Chinatown thirty minutes earlier than anticipated. My goodbye's were quick as the cold nipped at me and soon my thoughts of the Nevada snow-scape visited me as I continued my drive home.

Last Saturday

2007-12-29T23:43:00.000-08:00

of the year for 2007. Lynn stopped by my house this afternoon for lunch after singing for a funeral at 9:00am this morning. I set a plate for her with some of last night's left over salmon and rice. We chit chatted about her gig and I showed her my daughter's new refrigerator that she received from PG&E's energy partner program. With a few stolen kisses and longing hugs we talked about our plans for New Year's. While sitting at the kitchen table, she gave me back my Hawaiian ring with two hearts that I had left at her house about a week ago. She had re-enameled the missing outline of the heart and now it shows beautifully. I let her put it back on my left index finger as we both gazed at the movement of her act. Breathless and silent for a few seconds as she thanked me for taking back the ring. I smiled and acknowledge her a "thank you". Hand in hand, thankful for each other, we both know that it's going to be a new journey for 2008.

Reflecting

2007-12-28T19:33:00.001-08:00

on my past events for the month of December. I can truly say that it has been an eventful month strewn with drama, love, loss, laughter, tears, goodwill and reconciliations. My life amazes me continuously and miraculously. It has been nothing short of exhilarating and I look forward to what 2008 and where she will guide me. I am hoping that she keeps beckoning me to learn of my life's journey openly and that she will be kind as always in her endeavor to faithfully watch over my spirit, cleanse my soul, renew my hope and love honestly. That is what I hope to carry forth into the New Year.

Couch Therapist

2007-12-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

It has been quite the day for me getting together with two of my very good friends. One of which I recently came out to this past weekend and is the only one that needed clarification on seeing me in a new light. Norma was the last of my circle of close friends to reveal that I am a lesbian. With the new information about me and letting her process it for a few days, I was ready to answer whatever questions she may have about me. But there were ground rules, one of which was her behavior which reminds me of a little girl throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way. This was my outing and i'm going to get my way. She had asked me why I took so long to tell her. After all she had been my friend for close to twenty years. I told her that it was not easy and it's still not nor is it ever going to be easy for me to tell everyone. She asked for clues and labels. I told her that my being a lesbian, I didn't need to drop hints or clues about myself and I am very comfortable with myself. It is you, who are not comfortable with this new information. I am acting as I have been for the past 20 years you have known me as a hetero woman, with a man, only this time for the past 8 years, with a woman. As for my physical appearance, my appearance is that of a femme. I can act butch if I want to and so can any woman but those are all labels. I am still human, anatomically female and still your friend of 20 years! I still enjoy wearing dresses, makeup and perfume. Nothing about me has changed! The only change is that I love women. Now that i've outed myself, I shouldn't have to cut my long dark mane to announce that I am a butch or lesbian because society has decided to label that. Norma has grown up hearing labels and percieves that labels should take precedence. Of course her immaturity brings out her denial which she tries to hide behind her laughter. I stated to her, "this is why you were the last one to know because of your immaturity and probably your homophobia on not knowing what is familiar to you to a now unfamiliar territory". Norma has her own issues with her life that she is still trying to come to terms with but it is not for me to physcoanylaze or figure out for her. That is why there are highly paid counselors to do that, not your girlfriends. Our talk lasts for two hours and three margaritas later, she is relieved to hear that I am happy with Lynn. I know she has her doubts and more questions but that is not for me to walk her through my process and help her understand. It is hers to process and that is a journey she is going travel alone.

Time together

2007-12-26T19:42:00.000-08:00

I'm very glad that Lynn brought an extra jacket, scarf and gloves for me while we enjoyed lunch on a concrete table under the winter sun at Coyote Point Park in San Mateo. She had neatly packed some turkey, cranberry relish, sweet gravy, bread and salad for our entree in travel sized Tupperware. Dessert consisted of the last of her chess pie and homemade pumpkin pie. After our Delicious lunch, we made our way to the Coyote Point Museum. With a little under two hours left for us to visit, it was more than enough time to see the exhibits. With the sun going down and the winter night getting chillier, we made our way over to Burlingame's Starbucks. There is nothing like a Venti Caramel Macchioto to ward off the last of a December chill. Lynn and I talked of our week and where we will be. She has a gig this weekend singing in a funeral that a friend was not able to do in San Francisco and it starts early in the morning on Saturday. I'm hoping that she could spend the night at my house, since I'll be chauffeuring her there, to lessen her commute and to spend some much needed time together after our week of misunderstandings and the need to communicate to one another. We were both in agreement of that idea. With our warm libations all but gone, we sat in her car and conversed more and to also complete our gift exchange since she had forgotten it during our last weekend together because that was her busy concert week. I received a much needed set of sea green bath towels from Lynn, along with some candles and perfume. I was still missing my ring that I had left with her last week that she had given to me during our second year together. This was the first time that I had been without it and was missing it very much since we had reconciled. She said that is was being repaired. I trusted her with it and I trust that I will be receiving it back soon. Darkness had fallen and it was time to go. With a kiss on the lips, a meaningful hug and a long embrace, we are on the road to recovery.

The Spirit of Christmas

2007-12-25T23:09:00.000-08:00

After waking up this morning at 11:00am, my body is not in the Christmas spirit. I could have slept in for another hour maybe two! After shopping for two hours yesterday at Pak-n-Save and bringing home the holiday dinner, I didn't feel much of the spirit there either. My mother passed away on December 28th 2003 and my heart has been missing her tremendously around this time of the year. Almost to the point of my not wanting to spend it with family or friends. I would rather be a lone hermit tucked away in my shell on a beach somewhere in Molokai's solitude of heaven. The holidays can be a lonely time of the year and it is so for me. I'm completely surrounded by family and friends but still, I feel alone. I am missing my island of Molokai and all of it's spirit that I come home with when I visit there.
My brother is the only one looking forward to Christmas dinner and he appreciates that I do cook for the family. My son and daughter are spending time with their father. Lynn is spending the holidays with her family, also doing the cooking scene at her home. My very good friend Darrell stopped by after work for some holiday dinner and Christmas cheer. His parents are in Atlanta and he has not seen them in a year. He does have a brother who lives out in Mountain View and visits him once in a while. I sent him home with three plates of food and he was very ecstatic about that. Darrell rarely cooks for himself, his condo is immaculate, he puts Martha Stewart to shame and he is a genuinely good man. My spirit lifts when I'm around him. He makes me laugh and we have a wonderful time together. Darrell had to leave and be on his way home. My son, the card shark, challenged me to a card game of Black Jack for money. Within one hour, all of my change went to his side of the table. I told him, "When you turn 21, I'm taking you to Vegas!" As he walked away with the biggest grin and pockets heavy with coins, he asked to challenge his uncle. Being overly stuffed from tonight's dinner and smart, the uncle declined. Looking back at the end of my night, my spirit and mood better than before. I realized that I have wonderful friends and a beautiful family. Because of my mother and father, I have learned how to build solid relationships, drama and all, and I'm very thankful for such gracious parents. I will love you always, think of you often and miss you dearly.
Merry Christmas.

I'm in love

2007-12-24T10:26:00.000-08:00

with your angelic voice
the power that is you
your spirit, your choice

letting me in
your most inner thought
so fragile, ashamed
weary and wrought

with my arms around you
as our journey begins
secrets unfold
as we stamp out these sins

together, you and I
spirit as one
we will get through this
from you I will not run

communication and honesty
that is all I ask
no more hiding
no more mask

your journey will be difficult
by your side, I will be
patient and understanding
you are all, I see

With God's mighty hand
from up above
my heart to yours
I'm in love

Dearest of friends

2007-12-23T03:05:00.000-08:00

After a long drive home yesterday from visiting my daughter in Sacramento, I attended a loft party with my group of four very dear friends whom I have known for at least 15 plus years. Cecile's house was the central meeting place with DarRell as the designated driver taking the helm of Sarah's beautiful midnight blue BMW. After a quick snack of homemade chili that Cecile made, we were on the road into The City for "Auntie Ken's" Christmas party.
Traffic moved smoothly and an abundant amount of street parking space was available to us. With presents in hand, we made our way to his live/work loft in which he is an interior designer for his own company. I remember meeting him 10 years ago on a trip to New Orleans for Halloween. He is a flamboyant Hawaiian/Filipino man with dark skin, hair and eyes. His ever infectious laughter and beautiful smile was all he needed to draw you into his circle. Upon entering into his humble abode, we were in awe of his business space. Very simple, yet colorful and practical without an abundance of clutter. It was a warm sensual space with an intimate setting for his friends to enjoy the company of one another without it being overwhelming or isolated. We met Ken's partner, Michael, who is a hula dancer with my former halau. He also stitches Hawaiian quilts one of which he recently sold for $5800.00! The stitch work is meticulously beautiful, mixing old with the new. Not bad for a haole (Caucasian) boy!
The spirit of the evening flowed and ebbed until we had a white elephant gifting which turned out to be a highly charged event and the once serene guests caused a raucous of laughter as each gift turned out to be a coveted prize to possess. Gifts ranging from fine wines, candles and gourmet cook books to liquor candied delicacies . The white elephant gift of the evening turned out to be a cute pink, sequined clutch purse won by a man of stature and being a very good sport about it. With the evening winding down, it was time for us to go as we had another engagement to attend at a Filipino club in South San Francisco called Solita's where our group got our groove on. With DarRell running the show with his sexy muscular body as he glided into the electric slide to Sarah getting freaky with one of our girly table mates. Everyone was on the dance floor, getting sweaty and have a fantastic time. As the band played their last set, Sarah asked me if I was seeing anyone. With her pending divorce on the horizon, my group is very supportive whether you're dating or not and I know she was concerned. With a deep breath, I boldly told her that I am seeing someone and it's someone that is not in our circle of outrigger paddlers or hula dancers. I further explained to Sarah that Lynn is a musician, singer and mother of two daughters. Sarah stated, "As long as you're happy, that's all that matters" and she gave me a big hug. She started saying something about her Catholic school days and girls, but at this time, I think she had too much to drink. Not wanting to go home at 2:00AM, we visited a local casino establishment in the small town of Colma. This place was busy with a large Asian and Filipino community gambling like there's no tomorrow. Our mission was the restaurant, which was just as crowded as we were expeditiously seated in a booth. The menu was a nice variety of Asian and Filipino fare served in ample portions. With our food orders turned in, we chatted about idle topics. Sarah decided to unknowingly Out me in front of Norma, who is the last one in the group to finally find out. "SARAH!", I stated. Kicking her underneath the table. She apologized and started in about my ring being on my left married finger and said, "You're not married and it shouldn't be on that finger". Finally, I couldn't take it, I said, "Norma?" "Yeah", she replied. "I'm seeing someone and you know her", I stated. "Her name is Lynn". "What?" she said, incredulously. "I'm seeing Lynn, who is my partner, my companion, my lover!" I said while searching her face for any eye to eye contact. Her body language started to show how she felt and seemed put off and indignant. Sarah backed me up and basically told Norma to back off and behave. I know that it is a painful issue to process and this is probably how she handles stressful situations. Knowing that I was once a man chasing woman, party hard individual and hearing that I have become someone else without any clues, hint or thoughts, seemed very uncomfortable for her. Oh, the convoluted thoughts that are running rampant in her mind.

I am missing you

2007-12-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

With my weekend full of pre-arranged activities, there will be no time to visit Lynn. I want to see her and hold her, my longing for her is urgent. I am truly missing my soul mate.

6:00AM travels quickly into sync when I finally fall asleep at 4:30AM! My daughter, Pua, was waiting in the wings to be picked up from the Crestwood Facility. With her safely tendered over, we drive back to the hotel only to fall asleep, mother and daughter, to the sound of the Television static. I was restless and my night before was filled with thoughts of Lynn. We had a very constructive conversation. It has been a very long time since we've had a heart to heart talk on the phone. I usually prefer these talks to be in person with her and I enjoy the closeness that I receive from them. Because we don't live together, this is how we most often communicate.
Pua and I finally awoke after 11:00am! We were both tired from her big shopping day yesterday and an early morning today. Because of my Elite status with the Marriott hotel, I had a 3:00pm checkout time, I was in no rush to get home. By 1:30pm, we were famished and unknowingly missed out on the hotel buffet. We made plans for the local hospital cafeteria that she knew about because of their wonderful fresh and organic food. As I packed up the truck with my overnight bag and laptop, she finished her last cigarette in the patio of the hotel. I noticed a very cute young man talking to her as he opened up the door to the dining room of the buffet we missed earlier. All of a sudden, my daughter rushed over to me and said, "Mom, that guy said he's going to pay for half of our breakfast". I replied, "Pua, their closed!" "No, their not!" she interjected. Descending from my truck and locking it closed, we walked into their Bistro bar and lounge area which was still open. Allen, as stated on his name tag, whom we later found out in our conversation was 19, seated us at a table and offered us the breakfast menu. Before ordering, my daughter made sure once again that he was going to pay for half of our breakfast to which he nodded in agreement to. With her newly bought jacket zipped halfway up her chest and her ample mound of cleavage peaking out, I'm sure he would agree to whatever she said! Breakfast was ordered and quickly delivered as our conversation ranged from memories of her childhood to the present and the state of my health. At some point, we included Allen in our conversation and thanked him for breakfast. Before departing and receiving the final check, once again my daughter made sure to see the bill before paying it and walked right up to Allen and stated their agreement. Overheard by a woman whom we later found out to be his manager. She said to Allen, "That's such a nice gesture for you to pay half their breakfast. You know what? Don't worry, I'll take care of it!" About 5 minutes had passed and we asked Allen for the check, he said that it was already taken care of. My daughter and I both looked at him in amazement. "The whole thing?" we said. He nodded, "Yes, my manager took care of your bill" and he disappeared into the kitchen. Trying to figure out his tip, we both decided to leave a $20 bill for his generosity and hospitality. We thanked him again before leaving and asked his managers name so that I could write an "orchid letter" for their wonderful gesture.
Just across the street was the Crestwood facility waiting to receive my daughter. With tearful deep hugs, we said our goodbyes as I watched her being taken in through the last set of familiar doors only to be received by her friends on the other side.

"Stand by me"

2007-12-21T23:36:00.000-08:00

"You are the quiet at the end of my day...
I feel so loved when you hold me.
I close my eyes and the rest
of the world disappears.
Then it's just you and me,
and that all I need"
Happy Valentine's Day - written by Jerry Leiber, Mike Stoller and Ben E. King

As I was rummaging through my piles of mail looking for my receipts and "to do's" for my trip up to see my daughter, Pua, in Sacramento today and I came across a musical Valentine's card that Lynn had given me last year with the above inscription. Yesterday, Lynn and I finally got a chance to speak with one another on the phone. Within our voices, the strain, the unconsolable hurt and anguished hearts were once again, put on the table. Dissected, examined and pulled apart, the intricacies of our fragile relationship. After many tears and hopes renewed, talking about our issues and missing each other, we took a step forward to reconcile our eight year relationship.
My trip to Sacramento to see my daughter Pua is always an adventure. She is a "diva shopper" and can stretch the spending of $50.00 into a 4 hour spree. Housed in the Crestwood Facility for the mentally challenged, she survives here in a sometimes chaotic commune of spirited characters where their smoking break is highly coveted over a long distance phone call from mom. I can only retain her for eight hours today and tomorrow. She is not allowed any overnight privileges until our second meeting and she completes all of her counseling sessions. That won't happen since she thinks that she'll be released sometime in January 2008 and be housed in a group home on the Peninsula.
With our shopping day at an end, Pua put her name on everything she has purchased to be inventoried and stored away until needed. With a pickup time for tomorrow at 6:00am to complete my next eight hours, morning is a few hours away.

Up early

2007-12-20T08:48:00.000-08:00

to tackle my day. Life must go on after all. I have make a phone call to the doctors after 10:00am so that they can slot me in to take my Humira shot with a pen looking device I picked up yesterday at Walgreen's. Since I have a great medical plan, this prescription only costed me $25.00 co-payment. After looking at the "you saved" part, it blew me away! My insurance saved me $1654.99!! Can you freakin believe that? Expensive little things and they also need to be refrigerated. For now, my medication calls for an injection every other week. I have a three week vacation coming up in March and I'll have to re-think my destination. This vacation was planned for February, that's when Lynn and I were thinking of escorting her daughter Camden to London and spending a few days there for our mini vacation. I thought for sure I had the correct dates but miss bid my vacation to March. My daughter Nani always says, "things happen for a reason". My excuse is, "I'm gettin' old". Instead, I was thinking on visiting some friends of mine. Pearl and her partner Michelle in Alabama, recently moved Marilee in Atlanta and Angie and her partner in Florida. Maybe my fly boy, the international gay playboy of the skies, Michael, and pay a visit to him in Florida.
So, I have to find some time today to get this shot administered and get my loan papers ready for Sarah this weekend as our ladies group will be going to a few parties. Again to see an old friend in the city who is throwing one at his place. Ken is a long time friend who I haven't seen for at least 10 years since we got together in New Orleans for Halloween when my hula group was there performing for a well to do artsy gentleman. From what I hear, he lives in a loft. I'm not sure if he's partnered. Many of my gay men friends have beautiful huge lofts in the city. Why? So that they can throw the most fabulous parties and galas you have ever seen. Their parties are truly amazing!
I'm steering away from the subject again. I do that quite a bit and don't mean to. I've got to fill out papers for my 401k loan process which didn't get processed for some reason. I'll have to go into work to get a copy of the doctor papers that re-certified me unable to work for this month of December and to pick up my bid sheet for my new work schedule.
I finally wrote an email last night asking Lynn for my small refrigerator back because it belongs to my son. I haven't received an answer yet. I know we are both trying to process what happened this past Monday because I totally cut her off without an explanation or conversation but said everything in a subtle email. It wasn't vicious or attacking because I was hurting and still love her to some magnitude. I'm sure she's hurting and devastated like I am but for different reasons. I thought that I would pick up the "fridge" since I was going to be down that way in San Mateo for my appointment. It could be that I just want to see her again. Hear what she has to say. Or me being an idiot and thinking that I could take her back and forget about everything. My thoughts about us living together in our Golden Years, implosion complete, damage is done. OK Lani, bend over so that I can kick you in the arse and knock some sense into you! Reality sets in and the truth is known. I can't go back, not after what has been done, written, said or otherwise. Move on, Lani, move on! Yes, I will. One step at a time. One step at a time.

Hoping that

2007-12-20T00:18:00.000-08:00

this was all a horrible bad dream and I haven't been awaken from this deep abyss of sleep. I'm in a state of depression and feeling like the loneliest soul on the planet. I'm still in bed by noon and under the covers of my warm flannel sheet, comfortable, quiet and away from all of the madness of these past few days. The quietness is consuming me where I once had an active volume of cell phone chatter because of my daily conversations with Lynn about everyday life, has come to a complete halt. Except for the familiar emails from my close circle of friends making plans for this weekend, my life is at a standstill. There is so much that I have to do that it has fallen by the wayside to make room for my loss.... my grieving emotional loss. I'm sure it has taken a toll on my health but not for the worse. My zombie like stature is on auto pilot and going through my earthly routine, robotically. The all too familiar ring that I assigned to Lynn has been silent. Where I used to run and jump at her ring tone to answer the phone, I have quietly pressed ignore. Do I still want an explanation from her? Do I care? The questions running rampant in my mind should we meet again. Her insatiable need to be needed. We all need to be needed. I need to be needed. One person is not enough. I wasn't enough. I haven't cried since finding out that fateful Monday. Am I waiting for the tears to come? They don't. Am I heartless for not crying? Stunned, perhaps. In denial? Maybe.
I will no longer hear the music of raindrops softly pelting on my window sill or see how bright and beautiful the full moon shines. The colors have faded and start to blend. How magnanimous of Lynn to show me the other side of this life. The side where no one wants to see or be a part of, but somehow I arrive here. No fences, wires or gates to hold me in. I can leave at anytime but I resist. I have fallen from Grace in all of it's beauty and riches. Only to stand here at the crossroad of my life, broken and forgotten. My tears start to flow like sheets of rain on the dry Kalahari desert as my arms caress me like the gentle ocean wave bringing me to shore to rest peacefully in the warmth of the sand.

My life has stopped

2007-12-19T08:10:00.000-08:00

for a moment in time
what did I do?
what was my crime?

I gave you my heart
mind, body and soul
now dark and empty
like a piece of coal

Was I
too blind to see
my artful woman dodger
my stupidity

moments that meant
walks that we took
spoken words of love
my glance, your look

time will heal
my weary heart
now utterly broken
and torn apart

life has it's lessons
from which I will learn
a life of love
a love that will burn

A rainy crappy day

2007-12-18T14:01:00.000-08:00

After a fitful night of sleep, I don't see the beauty in small things anymore. My general well being is "shot to hell" because of yesterdays surprise. To top it off, I had a dentist appointment today for another deep cleaning on the other side of my mouth and a hit to my wallet. I thought, "Forget the Novocaine, I would welcome the pain, drill the hell away". Anything would be better than what I'm feeling right now. Since I'm not allowed to eat or drink and didn't want to go home after the appointment, I went the pier in Pacifica. It was raining too hard to get out and didn't feel like dealing with the rain and all, so I stayed in the warmth of my heated truck. I sat and watched the muddy green ocean waves crest and break over the rock barrier. A few people strolled the boardwalk and braved the windy cold air as the rain continued it's assault causing me to shiver. Being restless, I didn't stay too long at the beach. What was once an enjoyable thing for me to do, was now unpleasant. I made my way home, changed out of my clothes and into my sweats. After several unanswered cell calls this morning, the last call from Lynn was at 11:06am. I'm sure she got my email by now. Where's that Motrin? I'm going back to sleep.

That recent poem

2007-12-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

was short lived. My wonderful weekend with my sweetheart of eight years, was beautiful. She had a great concert and we visited with her chorus friends at an after party. We had food and wine there, then we went back to our "love nest" for the night. After a nice soak in the hot jacuzzi, we had our own long heated session of love making and rested the night away.
It wasn't until I got home and unpacked, made dinner for my son and I and talked to Lynn on the phone for a bit about our nightly dinner menu for the families. With an awesome dessert of rice krispies made for by my son, I retired to my room to check my emails from the day. As my laptop whirred and pinged on the start up menu an unfamiliar, yet familiar page was brought up. It was an SBC email page but it was not mine, it was Lynn's. Somehow, my laptop did not sign her out when she initially checked her email at the hotel this morning.
Months ago in August, while I was in Belize for a vacation, upon my return, my intuition was telling me that something about Lynn and I was not right. Something had urged me on to look at the Craigslist women for women's section. For several days, I didn't know what I was looking for until I saw a very familiar body of a woman's picture in the Craigslist ad. It was Lynn! Taken at her home in her bedroom, a silhouette of her long brown hair and her beautiful curves. I didn't know what to think until I read the ad. It was obvious that she was looking for someone. I was pissed the hell off and printed it out because now, I was going to confront her with it. We had talked and made plans for lunch the next day and it was hard to contain my anger and disgust. I hadn't slept well that night in anticipation of my lunch date the next day. We met in the parking lot at the IHOP in Redwood City. Lynn could see that I was upset about something and asked what it was. I asked her if she wanted to see other people. She looked surprised at my question. I asked her the question again and produced her ad printed out for her to see. After talking it out in my truck and some crying, she explained herself and that she was feeling a "low self esteem" day. I wanted to break up with her right then and there. She said that she would take down the ad and we never talked about it after that. We kissed and made up. But something was still sitting in the back of my mind, something still wasn't right.
As Lynn's email page sat staring at me, I thought to myself, "it's wrong to read her email". I have to trust her. As I wrestled with that thought, my eyes wandered over to some of her folders. I said, "F**k it" and opened the folder and read. I couldn't believe what I was reading, dozens of personal ads that she had sent to herself from the W4M and the W4W sections. She had also sent out replies to ads. She's been corresponding since 2005!! It might have been even longer but I don't think SBC goes back that far. The thought repulsed and made me sick. I was upset. I read through just about everything. I decided to not talk to her tonight and email her a "dear Jane" letter. I don't want to talk to her! I don't want to see her! How could she do this to me? I'm going to send my "D" (divorce) mail to her tonight. Merry F**ken Christmas to me.

Stay

2007-12-16T06:25:00.000-08:00

if only but for a moment
our passionate inferno of kisses
cease to relent

your warmth of what I know
rises up to greet me
my eager hands trace your curves
you're a vision to see

locked in your embrace
your essence, your scent
as my lips find your island
my primal urge will not spent

your fruit so ripe
edible to taste
hot, melting sweetness
I will not waste

your long brown hair
flows on the bed sheet
like a long winding river
never ending to greet

your familiar thighs
within, I nest
nibbling, kisses, biting
I know, no rest

as my ocean lashing begins to churn
and your turbulent river starts to rise
your once delicate moans
turn to soprano cries

I grip your beautiful body
within my hold
made for me
poured from a mold

our time shortened
as the night moves on
with a kiss on my lips
and she was gone

your essence, your glow
a fact that is true
Merry Christmas, my darling
I love you

Overcharges at Downey Savings

2007-12-15T09:06:00.000-08:00

If you think that you're right on not paying an overcharge, fight back with documented information and names! A small over site on the part of my mortgage company between their impound department and the loan department almost cost me $265.64 in under payment and late fees. Oliver was my teller of the day and the first in "front line" personal. He was very patient in my resolving an overage as he was the liaison between the person on the phone and myself, a little ticked off but I had my documentation and confirmation numbers. I had initially gone to the bank to put down the payment from my company towards my mortgage payment for the next two months. Oliver tells me that I owe, $104.32 for an under payment and $161.32 for late fees in processing my November mortgage payment! I told Oliver that I had already had a phone conversation with Pearl in the loan department last week and paid the $104.32 over the phone. The late payment of $161.32 should not have even been charged because my November payment was received by it's due date and Pearl was waiving the processing fee of $57.00 over the phone. Oliver tried to tell me that the $104.32 was not collected and that both would have to be paid before he could except my mortgage payment. I thought, this is getting ridiculous. I brought out my checkbook and showed him who I talked to, the phone contact, confirmation number and the amount of $104.32 and the date that it was paid. He called someone in the loan department and spoke with a woman, who sounded like a jerk (yes, women can be jerks too!) and she thought that she was going to make this "ol gal" pay. Oliver handed the phone over to me and I said, "hello". She replied, "Hello, how can I help you?" in a frigid, uncool tone. I told her the situation with Pearl and the impound department and gave her the necessary information. By this time it had been thirty minutes of waiting. I'm glad I didn't have any doctor appointments scheduled. Oliver told me that it would take a while and to have some coffee. That's just what I did. After another fifteen minutes of waiting for my verdict, the woman (I did not get her name) came back on the phone with Oliver and apparently told him that I didn't not have to pay any of the mentioned monies and to accept my mortgage payment. I felt like a hunted baby seal after having a huge great white with it's mouth open about to eat me alive, only to have it repel and swim away until another day.

So glad it's Friday

2007-12-14T00:14:00.000-08:00

and this is my weekend with Lynn...finally! She has one more concert this Sunday at the Mission in Santa Clara. After that concert, she is all mine! We're getting a hotel for Saturday and Sunday that is near the Mission and she won't have to do a cross country jaunt back and forth to her concert. It has been since that bridezilla wedding we spent the weekend together in October. Up until now, that's much too long to be without each other and we make due seeing each other during the week when our schedules allow. It is our time together to rejoice, engage, recharge, rekindle and love. Nothing matters but our two spirits becoming one, entwined and interwoven, our lives fusing together if but for a night....a beautiful night of loving.

Eligible for social security

2007-12-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

It's good to know that I can claim social security should I become completely disabled and not work at my current employment. My disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis, is covered under their umbrella of eligibility. My doctor is going to release me back to work on January 13th, 2008 and if all goes well, I'll be able to pick up much needed ours to pay most of my bills that will come due. It's not easy staying home from a disability after being able to work since I was 18 years old. I went to a Junior College for one semester and that's all I needed to find out that College wasn't for me. While I was there, I took up your general education subjects, accounting, typing, recreation, writing, P.E. and made the woman's softball team. I didn't have a direction or goal until I took up a "recreation class" under the guidance of Tony Ruiz. He was a short bearded man with a passion for recreation and the arts. From there, I went to work for Daly City Recreation Department as a playground team leader for the city of Colma. I received my own playground with an awesome group of kids. Summer time was best because of the field trips that I would go on and supervise. Later, I would monitor Tennis Courts and then graduated to monitoring and supervising the War Memorial Gym. I had the keys to the city, literally.
After my two girls were born about five years later, I worked as a Bus driver in those yellow buses for San Mateo for about a year. A hula brother of mine approached me and recruited me to drive for a travel agency where he worked in accounting. I would drive a little GEO around San Francisco and the East Bay and deliver airline tickets to Departments such as the Postal Inspectors, Department of Energy, Department of Justice and a Science Lab. Two years later, I was let go because of the economy's downturn. At this time, I was a steers woman of a premier team of Outrigger Canoe paddlers and winning regattas every chance we got and I danced for a hula troupe in San Francisco and we were untouchable in competition and exhibitions. Soon that had to slow down because my children were getting older as well as my parents and I needed to stay home more. I interned and eventually went to work for an airline, Mark Air which is now defunct and my friend and supervisor, Alan, called and asked me to work as team lead in his reservation department for another start up carrier, Sierra Expressway over in Oakland. They flew to Sacramento and other hubs operated by United Express. A year later they dissolved. A few months down the road, I answered an ad in the paper for a major airline at the San Francisco International Airport. It was an open call and on the first day 300 people showed up at the 1st session! I'm not sure of how many people they were looking for but a few days later, I went for an interview and and got the job. It's been a little over 11 years now with the same company and am very happy being here. I love my coworkers and the travel benefits are unbeatable. I look forward to going back to work and seeing everyone. This time off has been a breath of fresh, much needed, air.

Humira

2007-12-12T19:28:00.001-08:00

is the name of my next set of medicine that I will be taking. My RAtologist did not like where my marks were at this time and increased my prednisone to 2 tablets tonight and two tomorrow morning to kick start it and hopefully to me in better spirits and out of the pain that I am in right now. He explained that I will have to be checked with a TB shot before taking the Humira and gave me three choices on how to take it. The first being that I would have to come into the office and have the medicine administered by IV and one hour to sit in the office. The second would be to self inject myself with one shot every two months or third, coming into the office every week for a shot. I'm not too keen on self administering shots to myself and of course the IV sounded wonderful until he showed me the tampon looking tube of medicine that I would be taking. I wouldn't have to see the needle but I will feel a little sting. It looked very uncomplicated and easy but was not going to get that today. They have to check with my health plan to make sure that they can pay for most of it. After further researching, I found out that this particular medicine can cost upwards of $13-$15,000.00 dollars for a year! Holy Crap! I hope i don't have to pay for any of this.
It's time to refill all of my medicine and I'm so glad that it costs me a mere $5.00 per prescription to do that. Walgreen's gives you instructions along with your prescription and it also tells you how much you saved. I better keep working for as long as I can at least up until I'm 60 but I may have to settle for 55.

Lunch with Casino Brothers

2007-12-11T22:49:00.000-08:00

My favorite co-workers and friends, Mel and Jaz, treated me out Hokkaido's for lunch today. Talk about the mother of all buffets, this is the one! It is a Japanese buffet located in Foster City at the Bridgepoint Mall where the Ice skating rink is and is very inexpensive. Their food is served and presented exquisitely and the buffet stations are strategically placed so that they utilize both sides of the food bars. You've got your sushi of all kinds and is to die for, crab, stuffed oysters, tempura, soups, more than 10 different entrees, fruit, salad and dessert stations all at an affordable price. The gastronomic rule of eating at this type of buffet is to pace yourself. Make sure the foods that you eat mix well with a diet that you're used to otherwise, you'll be in the restroom all day with a sour stomach. Our conversation ran the gamut of work, holiday party and Casino's. Mel and Jaz are Diamond members at the Rio All Suite Hotel in Las Vegas and can literally request a hotel room at their convenience. I am a mere Platinum member and I'm less than six hundred points away from a Diamond. They are planning on a trip to Harrah's in Lake Tahoe sometime this month. I'm going along for the ride and haven't seen snow since my girls were 4 and 6, almost 18 years ago. With goodbye's being said, it was time to go.
I had a dentist appointment at 3:45 and had to go home to brush and floss my teeth after that big lunch. Dr. Naeimi at Gentle Dental in Daly City is a wonderful dentist. She really takes the time and care to explain what she is going to do as far as shots of novocaine to numb you to the health of your teeth and gums. Her assistant recreated a bridge for me last year to fill in a missing molar that I had. He shaped it so well that it feels like a part of my teeth structure. I told her about my RA and the medicines that I'm taking and seemed concerned about my health. Dr. Naeimi explained that since I hadn't been back in more than a year, my mouth developed bits of calcium deposits on random areas of my teeth. She didn't sound too happy with the x rays that she viewed and said that I'll need to come in every four months to have my teeth cleaned. I'm hoping that this won't be too expensive. For today, she did a deep cleaning on my right side and will do my left side next week. She also found a small pocket in the upper part of the gum where it had receded a few milliliters letting in the deposits and slowly eroding and causing bone loss. With the quarterly cleaning regimen, she'll make sure to put antibiotics there to prevent any infections. After my co-pay of three hundred some odd dollars, I saved a little over nine hundred dollars! I don't know what hurt more, the novocaine or the co-pay. I said my goodbyes and got an especially long winded goodbye from a "futch" (femme/butch) woman I haven't seen there before. She must have been hired to help take care of all the back log of patients that they receive. I definitely got a vibe that she was "family". After I said goodbye to the ladies behind the desk and they replied a short goodbye, she was turning off the Christmas lights and turned to tell me, looking beyond her Harry Potter glasses, "Goodbye now, drive carefully and see you soon". I mustered a Novocaine smile and said, "G'nite" and thought to myself, yep she's family.

Appointments this week

2007-12-10T11:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the contract electrician for PG&E came by to change and ground the electrical outlet and brought it up to code to a GFI outlet. My daughter's kitchen downstairs will be receiving a brand new refrigerator courtesy of the PG&E weatherization program. The Energy Partners Program provides qualified low-income customers free weatherization measures and energy-efficient appliances to reduce gas and electricity usage. There are guidelines for qualifications . http://www.pge.com/res/financial_assistance/energy_partners/index.html She will be getting two doors, one exterior door leading to the backyard and one door leading to the garage. Those are in dire need of replacement. I will be getting a replacement window for my son's room and two doors, one leading to the backyard and one leading from the upstairs to downstairs. They will also be doing some caulking and weather stripping of the doors to prevent drafts from coming and going. It's a wonderful program for California residents that are at a disadvantage.
Tomorrow, I have a dental appointment for cleaning and checkup and on Wednesday is my RAtologist appointment for my next phase of medication.
Ever since the lowering of my prednisone, my "rhummy" has been giving me a lot of pain in my right hand, especially at the middle finger joint. Sometimes I can't even bend it or many times it favors the curled position. I took my blood test last week and he should have the results by now for this week. Today, my ankle is a little swollen and causing me to limp a bit. By the time the afternoon comes around, my body is fully "awake" and moving better. What a way to live! To have something like RA cause you to slow down and dictate your life to it's very essence. It is just unimaginable. I lead a very active lifestyle and slowing down to zero and in pain, I've taken a step back and can't dwell on what caused this vicious disease to enter my once healthy body. I can only put my trust in my RAtologist, take my meds, eat healthier and forge on with my life at a slower pace.

Holiday party

2007-12-09T10:37:00.000-08:00

last night was wonderful. Aside from the horrendous shopping traffic, accidents and stalled vehicles on the freeway, we finally made it to my friend's house. This year it was hosted by Gail who lives just above the 580 freeway in San Leandro. Ms G has a beautiful two storied corner home with tiered backyard garden which is often frequented by raccoons. She even has a framed paw print on the wall of a raccoon who sneaked in through the cat door to dine on some kitty food. I thought that was hilarious! It was potluck and there was a nice buffet for everyone. This same group of friends gathers once a year to rekindle, visit and talk about all that we've been doing for the past year. Some even bring their children. It is a group made up of mostly straight people or so I thought and that will come out later in this story as will the person.
My friend Norma and I got there late, as usual and they were already playing the white elephant game with Clint because he had tickets to a show that he had already made plans for and needed to leave for that. After settling in and greetings out of the way, it was time for a drink. I had one glass of red wine poured into a glass that was given by Gail complete with our names written on the flat part of the glass with a special marker. She also had a special aerator for the red wine to remove the tannin taste after first being poured. I didn't seem to taste any different, it was still good. After mingling, "talking story" and playing catch up, dinner was ready and enjoyed by the crowd. More wine flowed, dinner was finishing up and we commenced onto the white elephant gift giving event. Rules were made and off we went. It was a fun game. I ended up with a duck trivet, something that I needed since my newly remodeled kitchen did not officially have a trivet. As the evening was winding down, dessert and coffee were now on the table and people had to leave. We packed up "to go" containers for the rest of the left over food. While that was going on, I was talking to Gail and catching up on the year. She asked if I was seeing anyone. I told her, "Yes, I'm seeing someone and her name is Lynn". She looked at me in amazement and said, "I'm seeing someone too and it's Simone!" She was so giddy and elated for coming out to me and quickly added, "You're the first person I've told". She said that she wasn't even looking for this as a relationship and added that their pairing for the past two months has been beautifully blissful. I could see that she was very happy and had so much to say but because of setting, we were limited. After a big ecstatic hug and finally having someone to talk to of this new found journey in her life, I was glad that she could confide in me. From that conversation, I jumped to Sara and asked how her hubby Ronny was. She took me aside and said that her and Ronny was in the process of a divorce. I almost didn't believe my ears and thought for sure that their relationship would be a lasting one. I found out afterwards from Norma, that Ronny had cheated on her and had asked for the divorce. I used to think of this man as the sweetest and most quietest thing, now I don't know what to think. I could see the sadness in her face, the physical and emotional toll that she's going through and all this after losing her father to illness in the Philippine at the earlier part of this year. I gave her a big hug and offered my sympathies to her. After cleaning up, we settled in to the living room with the remaining women still there. The conversation ran the gamut of topics from Hersterectomies, colonoscopy, ailments, old paddle stories, Norma being a mean person in those days and still is, upcoming vacations, our lives and where we were going, nothing too intense and only scratched the surface. By this time, 11:30pm had rolled around and it was time to say our goodbyes. This time our hugs were longer and lingering and our goodbyes had a deeper meaning of friendship.

Savers

2007-12-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

is another "thrift" type store and is only two blocks from me and what a convenience it is. I love it since I rarely buy clothes for myself because most of my money goes towards my mortgage, bills and my son. When I do buy clothes, I frequent Savers...a lot! Today is my "Paris" group's annual holiday party and I need something nice to wear instead of my usual jeans and t-shirt. I found quite a few things and carted them off. Going so early in the morning, you get your pick of the best things that they tagged and put up on racks and shelves. Plus it was purple tag day and everything associated with that was half off....Ka-ching! I did manage to get a few nice blouses, shirts, pant and shorts. Yes, shorts, being Hawaiian I wear shorts rain or shine, hot and cold weather...whenever.
It's a potluck party and I am making potato salad. It's one of the favorites among this crowd and easy to make. The eggs were done boiling by the time I got back from Savers and in went the potatoes. My "Paris" group that I'm referring to is my over 40 in age group of friends that I've known 20 plus years ago when I paddled Outrigger Canoes in San Francisco and have kept in touch since. Our particular demographic is that we are all 45 this year and try to celebrate with a big trip. At 40, five of us took a week long trip to Paris and Nice. Inspite of our differences, it was a fantastic vacation. This year was very busy with everyone going to school, work, laid off from work, starting a new job and other set-backs that we weren't able to secure a date or destination. We still have until the end of this month to vote on a destination. It might even be a trip up to Napa for wine tasting and spas or a winter casino trip up to Lake Tahoe. I don't know yet, but I'll bring it up at our event tonight.
Lynn is out shopping at the Flea market in Palo Alto and doing her part in the spirit of the holidays. This is the start of her concert week and ends next weekend, so she'll be very busy rehearsing. I am trying my best to stay out of the malls and doing my shopping online and taking advantage of those companies that offer free shipping. It's so much easier and less hassling than going out and fighting for parking, the gifts and the people. I just don't enjoy doing that anymore. My sweetie's last concert will be next week and I will be spending a weekend in Santa Clara, Saturday and Sunday. During that time, we'll exchange gifts, spend some much needed time together and celebrate the holidays. I'm looking forward to that time with her very much.

I got approved

2007-12-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

by my company's donation fund to the tune of $5000! That's such a relief for me to know that this payment will help me with my mortgage for the next two months. I was worried about this and now I can breath a little easier and know that this will carry me through the holidays. When I re-enter my employment in January 2008, I am so going to start contributing to this fund and what I could afford taken out of my paycheck and back into this fund. It is such a good thing for employees in need, like me. It seemed like everything started to fall into place and now I have to get my paperwork organized for next year. Tax time is right around the corner and as soon as my W-2 is online, my goal is to get my tax papers out in January. My bedroom is a total mess and littered with paperwork right now. I've got my shredder on one side and boxes holding receipts on the other side. My bed is has specific piles of paper, doctor, dentist, RA, grocery and miscellaneous receipts all bundled and ready to file away at the end of the month.
Lynn called me and told me about her hectic day at work. Poor thing, she sounds wiped out from her week. From a chorus mishap on Monday to not getting enough sleep to an angry Palestinian woman who disagreed with Lynn on her choice of holiday songs (Hanukkah) to teach her young child at a private school, has Lynn wanting to crawl back into bed for the rest of the afternoon. I don't blame her, I would too.

My son the Chef

2007-12-06T17:25:00.001-08:00

Last night I had my 14 year old son help me make meatloaf. We took 5 pounds of ground turkey and mixed it with eggs, bread, seasoning and some catsup. I had him mix all of that together, since my RA was acting up and my fingers weren't being too cooperative, mold it and placed it into a pan and put it in the oven for about an 1 hours and 30 minutes. After letting the meatloaf rest, we sat down to a great dinner. The meatloaf turned out fantastic, almost better than grammas! It was moist, tender and well seasoned. Add some turkey gravy, mashed potatoes and veggies and that's dinner. He was very proud of himself for making such a tasty entree and we gave him unending compliments because it was really good.
I met Lynn for lunch today so that I could collect a "white elephant" gift that she was saving for me and I exchanged a 3 CD package of nursery songs that I was saving for her. Lunch was at a place in San Mateo called Wing Fat. It's a hole in the wall just on the corner of 3rd Ave and their lunch menu is great and very inexpensive. I had the chicken curry and vegetables over rice with hot and sour soup. Lynn had the chicken and snow peas with hot and sour soup. She looked a little tired from her night because had gone to sleep early. Then her daughter and husband were talking in a bedroom adjacent to hers and woke her up at 1am. She quietly told them to whisper or talk at the other end of the house. Then at 2am, her dog woke her up and needed to be let out to the garden. Then to wake back up at 7am and get ready for work, she was tired and I could see the tiredness as we ate lunch. With gifts exchanged for white elephant and her needing to go back to work and my needing to go to the lab and get my blood work done, we were off and running. I have a standing order at the lab for tests and need to come in every month. Next week is my doctor appointment with my RAtologist and I'm hoping everything will go well into the next phase of my medication.

Wake up Call

2007-12-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

at 6:30am! Who the heck is calling me so early? As I rolled over to the side of my bed to retrieve my cell phone, it is not a phone number I recognize. I flip open my phone and on the other side is the faint voice of my daughter, who is whispering as not to wake someone else up! I answer, "Are you OK? Where are you?" She replies, "I'm at my friends house, can you come and pick me up in Millbrae?" Not ready to leave the warmth of my flannel bed sheets, I ask "Can't they drive you home?" "He doesn't have a car" she softly whispers. I'm thinking that I would have thought about all the particulars before accepting an invitation to someones home knowing full well that I don't have a car and will need a ride home. "Can you pick me up at 7?" she states. I reply, "That's in a half an hour!" I gave in, "Yes, but I'll be a little late pass 7". She says OK and hangs up. Groaning like a grumpy old bear, I slowly get up out of bed and take my medication. It takes me a while since I have tremendous pain in my right hand at the middle and index finger joint. Christ! I can't fully extend my fingers without wincing and grimacing at the pain. Since the lowering of my prednisone, familiar aches and pains are coming back to me. I don't like feeling this type of pain since it has already left me immobile a few times several months ago before I started on medication. I was helpless.
Throwing my sweats on is easier to handle than my jeans and t-shirt at this time and I was out the door to pick up my daughter with her directions she had given me earlier. I can't believe my life sometimes and wonder if anyone else goes through similar acts as I do.
I find her waiting outside of an apartment complex and she climbs into the truck. Right away she could sense that I was upset and apologized. I didn't say anything to her and we drove the long silent 20 minute ride home. Because freakin PG&E is working on my street, my driveway is blocked and I have to find parking on another street. Thank goodness the parking goddess was with me and I had to parallel park the big truck. Because of the pain in my right hand, it took me close to 6 minutes to maneuver and finally park. Nani took note of my right hand and asked if I was OK. I replied, "No, my hand hurts". She asked if there was anything that she could do and I stubbornly said, "No". We started to walk home and I told her that she could go on without me because i would be a little slower. She quickly stepped up her stride and hurried home. As I watched her walk away, I could feel that she was very remorseful about what happened. I felt guilty that I made her feel that way and wanted to let her know that I'm not well. Watching her walk, I saw an image of me thousands of moons ago, a strong, sensitive and independent young woman.
************** addendum ************************
Before leaving for work, Nani apologized to me for not knowing about my pain from my RA and making me pick her up this morning and I apologized to her for my ranting episode. With apologies accepted, we gave each other the usual kiss on the forehead and a big hug. It felt better to make up than be a sour grape all morning. I'm glad we did.

Santa bell ringers

2007-12-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

are out in full force. I visited Pak-n-Save this morning to do some grocery shopping and just before leaving the store, I heard the familiar ringing bell. {Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring } There she was, giving everyone that passed her whether they gave money or not, an upbeat cheer or spirited salutation with a warm, genuine smile. As I put a few dollars in the trade mark tin, I noticed she was a little older, had the Santa hat on and sported the red apron, looking like Santa's elf. What really attracted me to her was her joyousness at being out there and collecting contributions on a cold and dreary, rainy day. As I put my groceries into the back of my truck, I overheard her talking to herself saying, "Thank you for Christmas, thank you for this day". She was in a state of constant joy and very comfortable with herself. At that moment, I envied her for volunteering her time, her spirit and pure joy in helping and being thankful. If I think that I'm at my lowest point, I think about others that are less fortunate that I am. I am very thankful for this day.

Cooking

2007-12-03T15:50:00.001-08:00

It's one of the few things that I do enjoy. I love cooking for my family and friends, not often and when the mood strikes me. Most of the time, it's whatever is in the "fridge", out of a can, in a box or right out of the bag. Life's simplest pleasures, i do enjoy. I'm not sorry that i can't put it in a take-out bag and call it "McMom's" so that you will eat it, but you take what you get in my kitchen. I went through a remodeling last year in my kitchen when my brother and I agreed to this arduous task. Believe me, If I had to do it over again...."DON'T HIRE FAMILY" even if it's out of the goodness of their hearts. This particular endeavor took 8 months and now it is finally done, partially. At least the granite counter top, sink, faucet and new cabinets are in. We still have some sanding and painting to do but that will come in time. I am very glad to have my kitchen back after constantly going downstairs to my daughters little apartment and raiding her kitchen or the frequent trips to McD's, KFC and J-Box. I enjoy opening my new cabinets and looking in to pick out what I want to snack on. I don't have high hopes of my family recipes handed down from my mother to me to be passed onto my kids. They don't seem too interested in retaining the knowledge of old recipes. My son has helped me prepare the Kalua Pig and has watched me make Salvadorean Pupusas from scratch. He might be the "chef" in the family because he does enjoy cooking for himself and he's very good. Will they carry on my tradition of cooking? I can only hope.

Choral concert season

2007-12-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

is in full swing and I can attest to that by being invited to a women's group from Walnut Creek by Lynn and her daughter Camden. It was an interesting concert more so than the usual ones that I've been attending with Lynn. Her director is the same man, very cute in the gay boy circle and partnered with a jealous older man. Hmm, we'll see how long that relationship will last. Conductor boys are prissy little things that need constant attention and primping. They are the darlings of the choral world.
The melodious sound of the guitar player was so soothing that I fell asleep every time he played. The concert was wonderful with similar twists to that of Lynn's chorus group. The finale was "Silent night" and done in a circle around the crowded church pews. It wasn't as throaty or had that deep womanly sound like Lynn's group, now there is a women's chorus. All in all, a good concert. Afterwards, a reception was thrown in the back room with cookies, cakes, veggie plates and wine. I was looking for coffee to keep me awake on the ride back over the Bay Bridge but one small glass of wine will do. Someone recognized me from my old outrigger paddle days, it was an old friend I used to co-ed with. I hadn't seen Bobby in 15 years and he still looked the same, a little heavier and a lot less hair but still had a great sense of humor. He introduced me to his 2ND wife, Lauren, who was also part of the concert as a dancer with her troupe. We talked about old times, the people we knew and where they are, the amount of drinking we used to do and trouble we used to get in to. How during camp outs he would sing a song but could never remember the words to the ending. That was the good ol days. We exchanged phone numbers and will hopefully keep in touch with each other. That was the highlight of my day. I was a bit tired from the reduction of my medication and am feeling the effects of it. I'm now at half a tablet of prednisone every odd day until I see my RAtologist on Dec 12Th for my third phase of the medication bout. I keep thinking healing thoughts.

Things that make me feel better

2007-12-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

and one of them is coloring my hair. It's time to do that when my gray hair starts to frame my face and I look like those recess monkeys, I am SO vain. Lynn and I have often said, "When do you think we'll stop coloring our hair?" I replied, "When hell freezes over or when they don't make Nutrisse anymore!" We both agreed in unison. At 40, looking in the mirror isn't a matter of "Do I look still look good". It's a matter of how many more new wrinkles have cropped up overnight and are visible or the new age spot that I've been calling a "beauty mark" that has turned another shade of brown. I can see the ageing process has begun slowly. Not so much the pillow bags under my eyes but my hair. It used to be really long, past my waist until I got it cut off about 6 inches on my trip to the Philippines in Feb of this year. My hair had grown to different lengths of various strands and a good salon was recommended through a coworker friend and trusted the woman who had my "hair" in her hands and besides, she was very cute. Being of Hawaiian/Tahitian descent, my hair is very thick and wavy. In the words of Lynn's daughter Bryn, she voted it officially "ruffly". After she washed and combed out my long, dark, tangle mane she proceeded to put my hair up in sections and carefully measured and cut. I could see in the mirror that she took great care and effort in handling my hair and my emotions as I watched my curly locks fall effortlessly on the floor. I haven't cut my hair since I was 14 years old and the birth of my children, my hair grew longer and I let it grow. My friends and co-workers have always asked me if I would cut it and this seemed like a better time than any. The whole cutting process took about 45 minutes and then she tackled the job of french braiding my hair. NO ONE has ever done that to my hair and I was surprised and shocked that it could be done! I had a pedicure, massage, facial, ear cleaning, shampoo, cut and braid all for $25.00us. I gave her a big tip because she was worth it and she bought me a "red horse" beer. I kept my braid in for two days before I loosened it up again and saw how short it was. My hair had fallen to the middle part of my upper back. Very short and something that I've gotten used to. I emailed Lynn telling her that I cut my hair and told her that she now has longer hair than mine. Her hair falls past her waist as well. Being a Caucasian woman from the South, she has very smooth, straight brown hair and has said a few times, "if you cut your hair too short, I'll divorce you!" Which is all in fun, I know she loves me too much to do that. I'm rambling here but yes, I love to color my hair because it definitely makes me feel better and gives me the lift that I need sometimes when my life spirit has dropped a few bars. It's what I crave among other things.

Walking on glass

2007-11-30T21:36:00.000-08:00

and ready to leave her employers. That's how Carmen feels at work right now. I drove her to work this morning again since I have nothing better to do at 4AM! We talked about her vacation week and how fast it went. During this time, she seeked out a lawyer at Glide Memorial church in San Francisco to aid her in getting her car back. She seemed very positive that the outcome of the meeting was what she was looking for. Hopefully, she will hear back from them next week Monday. In the meantime, she still has to take public transportation to and from work and gets relief from her friends with vehicles. She is still uneasy about her work and how a failed audit might be her downfall. Carmen has back up plans just in case she is laid off or worse, fired. Her 401k might be able to help her out for a short time and she's keeping her avenues open for an offer. The ride coming back home is always long, it's about a 40 minute drive back to my house and I use my cruise control on the return leg.
I finally got done with my 401k paperwork and mailed it out. We'll see what kind of relief they'll be able to give me. This weekend will be my final task of getting my information out to Sarah, my loan gal to see if refinancing will be possible for me in the wake of the "Californacation" crisis in the sub prime loan areas. Lynn called instead of texting, she misses talking to me and because of her reductions of minutes, she has to watch it or else her cell phone bill will match that of her paycheck. Lying on her bed at home is where she is. It's been a long week for her after dealing with a co-teacher who seems utterly useless in her classroom, noisy kids and choral rehearsal. I get tired just talking to her about her day. Next weekend starts her winter concert season with a well known women's chorus on the Peninsula. I'll be going to a holiday party where the theme will be a white elephant gift. My friend Marilee will be flying in from Atlanta that weekend too so it will be hellishly busy. Sometime next week, I will be driving up to Sacramento to see my other daughter Pua who is at the Crest wood center for the mentally challenged. She was diagnosed at 16 with schizophrenia and depression and is now on medication and is currently her best advocate. Her case worker is an idiot male who seems to have no time for her and it oblivious to her needs as a young person. She is a wonderful poet and her pencil art is beautiful. Her writings are morbid thoughts about her voices, people that have done her wrong and death. For one so young, she welcomes death and I imagine that it's not too far behind her.

Sleeping Beauty

2007-11-29T14:15:00.000-08:00

It's 2:15pm and I'm still in my PJ's! How wickedly delightful. Actually, it's plain insane. I've got so much to do today and all I've done so far is get my 401k papers signed and wait for the postal girl. I text'd Lynn this morning at 11 something which is about the time I woke up after staying out last night until 3am with my coworkers! That was a lot of fun. What was supposed to be only three of us turned out to be 8 of my coworkers that showed up. I did have one beer and french toast with blueberries. Everyone had the gamut of a full breakfast, eggs, hash browns, toast to a soup and sandwich. All we talked about was the trials and tribulations of work. I can see that the environment never changes. We said our goodbyes, hugs and kisses hopefully I'll see them in January 2008. Coming home to an empty house, besides my son, is lonely if you don't have your sweetie there to greet you when you come home. In my case, if Lynn and I ever live together, I'm not sure if she'll approve of me going out with my friends after work at 1am or jetting off to London for dinner while she is at work. There's still many things that we talk about and how it will affect us and of course there are compromises and situations and we talk through them and work them out.

Mid afternoon

2007-11-28T23:08:00.001-08:00

I finally got out of the house and went to my place of employment where I am currently on sick leave because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis. My job has a "welfare" system for it's employees, if we fall victims to illness, financial burden, destruction that diminishes our capacity to work, they help us out with monies donated by employees into a fund where we never have to pay it back. It's a donation deposited by employees and it's there for who ever has need. And right now, I have need because I am falling behind on my monthly mortgage and other necessary utility bills. There is paperwork to fill out, printouts from my payroll and my doctors verification that I need to submit in order to be approved for this "donation". I'm crossing my fingers for it. In the meantime, I'm getting my documentation for my loan and what I qualify for since I am no longer making the money I used to make when I was gainfully employed. I'll be submitting that tomorrow. It was nice to see everyone at work. The airport is really slow right now and flights are not as full. It's a good time to travel. Unfortunately my flight benefits are restricted because of my illness, which means, I'm not able to travel for "free". I was at the airport for quite awhile and got invited to our "beer breakfast" which happens when everyone is off from work at 1:00am. We frequent an establishment called "Peter's cafe" and it's open 24 hours except for Mondays. It's true that some of us do have a beer or two and it has to be off the table by 1:45am because of the liquor laws. It's usually our time to get together and talk about the evening and how it went.
Nani came home tonight rather early from her job. She usually doesn't get home until after 11:00pm. She did go to work today and received her check which she was not too happy about because they missed a few of her sales and did not show up on this check. I feel her pain, because she is a hard worker and really wants to make it in this job of selling vacuums but to get a check for $152 dollars after two weeks working 10 hour days? C'mon now, give these kids a break. This isn't the slave days....pay them! She was gracious enough to give me $90 dollars of it which will go towards gas and a ticket she recently got parked on the wrong side of the road. I can taste that beer right now.